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Husband wants to stop treatment - HELP


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My husband started whole brain radiation last Monday and now says he wants to stop all treatment and come home with hospice to die. His reasoning is that he has a constant headache that they have been unable to manage.

I know he has been through alot and want to respect his wishes but I don't know how. How do I tell him it's OK to stop and let him go?

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The only thing I can recomend is that he makes sure the med team knows of headaches. I have not been t road personally so do not know details of WBR. But make sure doctors and team are aware of it and then see what happens.

Hugs and prayers randy You will get more responses on monday so do not rush this post today..

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I wish I could help you. One thing my dad said to me was that sometimes you look for and need an excuse to quit treatment. I would find out if your husband would choose to continue treatment if they could get the headache under control. Maybe he only wants to stop out of frustration, and maybe there is more to it. Then I would make sure his medical team is aware of his feelings if he says that he would continue under those circumstances. I would find out if his insurance covers palliative care so that he can see someone who specializes in pain control.

One thing I have come to realize is that oncologists are trained to try to cure at all costs, even when the disease is uncurable. I have found that it is very hard to make them get it. My dad had chemotherapy for colon cancer in 2000 and then his lung cancer in the last year, and I really don't think either of the oncologists really got it. He quit chemo in 2000 and was just lucky that it was all removed surgically. He quit chemo again with the lung cancer because he just wanted to be done feeling terrible. Those decisions were incredibly hard for our family to accept, but they were his to make. I have often wished that I could make the oncologists really understand what it was like for him and maybe he would have had more time with us.

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You haven't met my parents' oncologist. He told us in his very first meeting with us that he could not cure my dad. The onc said that he could give my dad some quality of life tho. The oncologist said that he can help my mom more than he can my dad. My mom is in the process of being diagnosed with NSCLC. We should get her final diagnosis tomorrow when we meet with the onc for follow up for her. Yes, both my parents have lung cancer at the same time.


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