Need some advice, please

[Sis]

I'd like to bounce something off you all and get your advice, please...

My Sister and BIL would have celebrated their 25 wedding anniversary on June 25. I know Larry will be remembering this important date. Should I mention anything to him about it or not? I don't want to stir up any sadness, but also don't want him to think that no one remembered this special anniversary. Any advice would really help. Thanks everyone! Ellie

[shineladysue]

Ellie,

Speaking only from personal experience of having to deal with my anniversary alone, I would suggest a phone call or note to let him know that you are thinking of him on this day . Let him know that you won't forget this day either. Assuming you were present when they married, you might tell him you won't forget this day because blah blah blah.. it was special examp. What would have been my 38th anniversary just passed on the 6th of the month and I appreciated family and friends letting me know that they remembered.

Hugs,

Sue

[Bev'sSister]

I would most certainly call him or even ask him over for dinner. I think he will be grateful you did. It will let him know you were thinking of him.

I know this must be hard for you too. It may bring some healing if you both talk about her..make it a tradition.

Love,

Bobby

[cat127]

I imagine it is different for everyone, but I always think of my mother, who lost my father a few months shy of yr 38. I called her every year on their anniversary and maybe 10 or so years after Dad died she commented that I was the only one that ever did. She was sad by that and my mother was not one to tell you if she was sad, she really was all about looking on the bright side of things. She said that she figured no one wanted to upset her, but that it wasn't like she wasn't thinking of him all day on that day, so it wasn't like all was fine until I reminded her of what day it was.

I say, call him. It's a milestone year and should still be acknowledged!

My 33 yr old niece lost her husband a month shy of their second anniversary. I sort of moved in with her for a few months to get her through the rough spots. I asked her as it approached what she wanted to do. I was behind her no matter what and would support her if she wanted to stay in bed all day and cry. She thought about it a while and then said she wanted to go "lift a pint" in his name. So about 10 of us went to a pub and toasted him and their all too short marriage. And I think she wasn't any sadder in fact I would venture that it helped her through a rough day.

You are a very wonderful sister-in-law.

[Ry]

Yes, contact him. It's going to be a hard day for him.

[Nick C]

Definitely call.

[RandyW]

call or send a card it wil be hard on him

[SBeth]

Acknowledge the day/date. You won't be reminding him of something he isn't already aware of.

[CaroleHammett]

I agree that you should acknowledge the date.

Although it's not the same, I remember after my sister's death in a car accident (in 1969), family and friends tended not to talk about her to my mom (who never stopped grieving, not to this day) for fear of upsetting her.

Yes, talking about my sister did upset my mother, but not nearly as much as the thought that they had all forgotten her. This was especially true on the anniversaries of her birth and her death; and I am sure would also been true of her wedding anniversary had she been married.

Carole

[tiredmom959]

Definitely acknowledge it, with a call or a card. My mom and dad would've celebrated their 60th on June 9th, my mom almost made it. I think my dad appreciated that I remembered.

[Sis]

Thank you Wonderful Friends...

For your wise and welcomed comments and suggestions. No question about it now.... I WILL contact my wonderful BIL. Thanks so very much. Ellie

[teriw]

I'm late on this one, but just in case you have any doubt...

YES, YES, YES, YES -- card, call, invite -- whatever feels natural to you. I can almost guarantee he will be so touched and grateful.