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losing a pet


Maryanne

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I know this stie if for people grieving which being Fathers Day yesterday must have been so difficult for all of us who lost our dads.

The reason for my post is that in about an hour I will be putting our pet kitty Kelsey asleep after 19 wonderful years. She has Cancer and is at a point where she cannot stand and stares into space and once in awhile cries in pain.

This is so hard as people who have pets know that they become part of our families. She had a wonderful life but I can't believe that it has come to this

Joel is in our back yard diggeing her resting place where we will put her after. He is having a hard time with this as Kelsey followed him everywhere. Also digging down 2 feet is hard for him and his breathing. So we are waiting for our son to come and finish.

We had 20 people over yesterday and mamy of them said their goodbys to her.

Anyway I know that we will be a mess a little later. Just wondering how you deal wtih a death of any animal? It is like a human or a faster grieving process?

I know a way to help grief is to get another pet, but Joel does not want any at this point.

thanks for being here so I can vent. She gave us so much pleasure and I can't imagine the void that we will be going through.

If you have to move this post... please go ahead... I just did not know where to post...

Maryanne

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(((Maryanne & Joel)))),

I empathize and I sympathize. It hurts and it will most likely hurt a long time. Our pets love us so unconditionally. I don't know how to answer your questions because I grieved a lot over the loss of my pets, but I can't compare it to that of humans, certainly not to the loss of my husand. It was just hard and I still miss my Golden Retriever , Ginger , even after 10 years. Many hugs to the two of you on this very very painful and difficult day.

Love & understanding,

Sue

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Maryanne, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Kelsey. Freeing her of her pain is truly an act of love. It's a very selfless act. Many people cannot bear to do it, even when they know it is the right thing.

When my Quincy died, I didn't get another pet right away. I didn't want to replace him. It's wierd, though. I saw him dead every single time I closed my eyes for a whole year (he died in my arms). But after that year, I got a new pet. Starting that very night, I didn't have that vision anymore.

My advice to you is to not think about getting a new pet right away. You will know when you are ready. And, who knows, your next pet might just adopt YOU. That has happened to several people I know who have lost their beloved pets.

(((Hugs)))

Lynn

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Maryanne, I'm so sorry to hear this. Losing a pet after so many years can be just as traumatic as losing any other family member, though in a different way. One thing that makes it so hard is that at this point their lives are totally in our hands, and I think they know that and are trusting us to do the right thing. There's no question that you are, but that doesn't make it any easier.

After we put our precious golden retriever Hannah to sleep in February 2007, we first said no more pets, but it wasn't as simple as that. The longing for the unconditional love of a furry companion was just too strong. On my afternoon walks, I'd frequently encounter dogs being walked, and if it was a golden with a friendly-looking human attached I'd make eye contact (with the dog, of course) and exchange strokes and licks for a couple of minutes that would make my day. My wife was worse -- she'd be driving to the store, see one, stop the car, and run across the street calling "may I pet your golden?" It's amazing how things came together for us to get Rosie in March 2008.

Our Aloha,

Ned

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Maryanne-I had one dog die on her own because I waited to long to make the decision and then put 2 down 2 years ago within 4 months of each other-that was heartbreaking-before I put my male Chunker down we went to New Hampshire to get Jake our Saint Bernard - my female would have never tolerated a pup but Chunker loved Jake-but only for a short time until he got cancer-I put him in a clinical trial down @ Penn for about 2 weeks-I couldn't let go-My husband would carry him in the house @ night-it was heartbreaking. I knew it was time to let him go and I was @ peace when I held his head as he took his last breath. I hope you have a beautiful celebration of your Kitty's life tonight- I will be thinking about you and your family.

Dar

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Maryanne, I so understand and am very sorry for your loss. I still dream about and miss my Zoey terribly. She died one month after Mom and she was 12 years old.

Once an animal has taken over your heart, it is there forever. Nothing will ever take it's place but it will get easier and I believe they are always with you. I have a large 11x14 picture of her over my entertainment center and her ashes in a decorative box below it.

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Our pets ARE family members and when I was forced to put my 12-year old Golden Retriever, Cody (short for Codependency) to sleep, it was almost a year before I finally quit expecting him to be by my side.

I agree that you should replace him at some point. It's been over two years now since Cody died, but I haven't replaced him ONLY because I live alone so when I go, my new Golden would have to go to a new home (even if my family members), which would be way too selfish on my part.

Carole

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Right there with you. Our Jake left us last July, and the pain still creeps in.

Have some websites here that really helped me.

http://www-hsc.usc.edu/~cypert/dick/inheaven.html

http://www.aplb.org/resources/rainbow.html Scroll down on this one for a poem by Rudyard Kipling

Your Kelsey is in cat heaven with a whole bunch of our cats. They are having a good time now.

Be gentle with yourself.

gail

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((Maryanne and Joel)))

I am so terribly sorry. I have had to put down two cats and my current cat is very old and her time is coming soon. Both of my cats I held in my arms as they put them down - I did not want them to be frightened at that last minute.

When my second cat died (who was my favorite) I swore I would NEVER get another animal again, the pain is just too much. I stayed locked in my house for a very long 3-day weekend from work crying my heart out. My first day back to work, there was a terrible snow storm and outside one of the doors, sure enough, there was a little kitty. I begged my girlfriend NOT to open that door, but she did and the kitty climbed right up into my arms. She stayed all day in the office with me, and I reluctantly took her home that night with NO plans to keep her. And now 17 years have passed.....

I am just so sorry......

Hugs - Patti B.

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Thank you for your replys and warm words. They do help.

It was hard. I took Kelsey outside for about an hour before we had to go to the vet. It was a georgeous day and I just held her while the gentle breezes blew. Kelsey was an outdoor cat, adored by all my neighbors as she was so friendly.(except to other cats)!

Holding her in the car knowing it was the last time I would hold her breathing body was too much. She was aqctually looking around and I couldn't stand the thought of the difference it would be on the way home.

Jason had come and Joel and him finished her grave. We placed her in there gently and cover her up and planted flowers on top. We just talked about all the wonderful years she gave us and the funny things she did.

We were fortunate to have our daughter come in for father's day and spent alot of time with Kelsey yesterday, feelding her baby food she licked from her fiinger and piciking her up so she could drink her water. She got to say her goodbye's.

One of the things that broke our heart besides her illness was that she went deaf. So she couldn't even understand me we spoke words of comfort and said goodbye, I love you sweetie...and Iam so sorry.

I am sitting here typing this with tears pouring down my face. An hour ago I thought I was handleing it alright. Darn i miss her! I just want to hold her one more time... that's all just one more time to feel her soft fur against my face.

Maryanne

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((((Maryanne & Joel)))))

I'm so sorry for your loss. My "kitty" Delilah died a few years ago. She was also 19 and had been with me since she was 8 weeks old. It was extremely difficult. She literally waited for Bill and I to return from a trip, and she died in my arms as we were all driving home. I was heartbroken. She was a huge part of our family. For weeks thereafter, I kept thinking I felt her walking around the bed. I still miss her.

Hugs,

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I am sorry that you and Joel lost you pet Maryanne. I have lost some pets over the years, and I was very sad , but did not grieve for long. Maybe that is just the way I am. I have lost my dad and one of my brothers. I was sad for a period of time, but did not grieve for months. I simply said goodbye. I think about them a lot though and talk to them in my head. I have a pet cat now. Her name is Manny. I think she may outlast me. She still has a good ten years left.

Don M

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Maryanne,

I think you grieve for any creature you love in pretty much the same way. It hurts like h#$l! I've had to make that decision and found it to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Even though I knew it was the right thing, it was still so hard. Sometime people will want you to grieve quickly because it is a pet. but even after 17 months, I still miss my kitty every day. Even though I've been adopted by a new kitty, I still miss Belle. Each pet we love occupies a unique place in our hearts that can never be filled by any other pet or human.

I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that when the grief begins to lift you will smile from the love and warm memories you and Kelsey shared together.

Susan

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(((Maryanne)))

I am so sorry - been there, done that and unfortunately will have to be there again.

Hurts like hell but you have to remember you did the right thing - I always said I would never let any pet of mine suffer.

Hugs - Patti B.

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I'm sorry you lost your kitty. I know what that loss feels like as have lost many pets over the years. Dogs after 13-18 years and two cats after 8- 11 years and one puppy to parvo.

Luckily I have pictures and memories and I'm so glad I got to share a life with them...

Getting a new pet helped us to refocus the sadness into getting to know and train the new pet. It's not something for you to do right away, but it really can help whenever you are ready.

I'm sorry for your loss.

(((mayanne & joel)

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I'm so sorry about your kitty. No doubt that the 'pet people' understand. It is so hard to lose them, they really are like family. A few days after I came back home after Kelly's failed attempt to surgically remove her tumor, I took my cat to the vet as he wasn't eating and was losing weight. Honestly, with all that was going on, I just hadn't noticed. I assumed it was dental related, he needed some real dental work done. The poor vet, knowing what all has been going on in my life, she starts to palpate Bailey's abdomen then looks quidkly towards the tech, then reaches for the Kleenex box. I just yelled - you have GOT to be kidding me!!!!! Cancer. She immediately came over and hugged me and then said to my cat "she really doesn't need this right now". OY!

I opted to not treat him, he is still here 4 months later, but he is not going to be around much longer. It really does hurt and I know how much you are hurting! I intend to have a respectful mourning period for my beloved Bailey (who was my Mum's cat until she died), then I will get another (or two, since I lost my own cat 1.5 yrs ago). I'm sure when you feel ready for a new pet in your life, it will bring you great joy!

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Maryanne, I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is one of the hardest things to go through. I am crying my eyes out after reading your posts. Twice I accompanied my mom to the vet when we put down our family dogs, 13 years apart. I also had a beloved and spirited bunny, Jake, who was crippled - my husband and I did everything we could medically and then we knew it just wasn't fair to let him go on that way. Leaving the vet's office was one of three times I ever saw my husband cry (the other two were when he lost his parents).

It sounds like you gave your kitty a wonderful life, and she was so well loved by all. And I think our pets know, they know that we are doing this because we love them and we don't want them to suffer.

You had asked how to cope with it... I agree with others - I truly believe that getting another pet really helps the healing process. That is something my mom always did, thinking she wouldn't, of course...and it really did help.

Hang in there, thinking of you tonight...

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