Hitting the Wall

[simplyklb]

Hi All,

I think that i have officially hit the wall. I started hitting it on June 7th. I am having a lot of problems with my mom, dad, and the rest of the family. My mom will not do very much except laundry. She won't make phone calls. She doesn't want anything to do with my dad. My dad makes things very difficult. He was difficult before his diagnosis. He is extremely difficult now. She tells me it is all about her. I am thinking, "It's not all about you. To me, it is about both of you." I want to say that to her sooo bad. She doesn't comprehend at all what the two diagnoses has done to me. Sure I have cried. I am full of anger. I am angry because I am tired of the way my family is treating me.

Mom thinks that I need to be all do all now. Why? Because she had to do it when I was young. I blew up at her. I told her that you deal with it. Not the right thing to do, I know. So the adage to her... Since I did it all for you, you have to do it for me now. She believes families do not have limits. If it were not for the message boards and the info I found on the Internet, I would have never known beforehand.

To top it all off, her know-it-all cousin has been here all week. For starters, the cousins ex molested all four daughters. Her daughters have had all kinds of probs. Then when she got diagnosed with cancer, her daughters left her high and dry. She's been busy telling me what I need to do. I get enough of that within my own family without that. I am beyond mad.

I have been pushed beyond my limits. I am done. I need to find a full-time job and move out. I don't want to be part of this anymore. I love my floks but I cannot handle this anymore.

Kristi

[Larry's Wife]

Oh, Kristi. I feel so bad for you. I understand your feelings completely. You really need to get out and get away from that toxic environment for awhile.

Hugs and prayers to you, my dear.

Lynn

[SandraL]

Krsiti. My heart goes out to you. You have gone above and beyond in helping your parents with so very little support or understanding from anyone. I can quite believe that you have had it. Do what you need to do for yourself. Others will not understand but please don't let that bother you. Find a job and get out...let someone else take over for awhile..see what it is like to walk a mile in your shoes. It won't be easy and it will probably take you some time, so be patient. You have been through so much already, you can do this too! Take good care

Sandra

[simplyklb]

When I move out, I will not be back. The rest of the family can deal with it. I am tired of being crapped on. This has been going on for years. The cancer diagnoses have just excerbated it.

Kristi

[Dina]

Kristi - I am sorry you are having a hard time with all of this.

I am the youngest of 5 and an only child - long story. 3 of my siblings never even knew my Dad was sick. Mom had surgery the same time Dad was diagnosed. That left me to do everything - every doctor appointment, every test - every everything for both of them up until my Dad's passing 5 weeks ago.

Don't get me wrong - I was so worn down - I also have a husband, 2 kids - one only being 7 and a home to take care of. My parents never knew how beat down I was. They needed me and they had me - I knew those were days that I could never get back. I would cry every night - I have 4 brothers and sisters and have to do this all alone.....but - that is what I was meant to be doing at the time and in hindsight - I would not change a thing. My Dad's illness changed me - my Dad's death - well that just broke me.

Just hang in there - one thing I didn't realize is it was just as hard for my parents to have to "depend" on me than it was for me to help them......

I hope you can find a happy medium and realize that alot of the attitudes they are giving you are comming from the fear they have with their diagnosis's ......the pain they are trying to hide from you and the guilt they are feeling for having to make you be the "parent"

Stay strong - and remember - things could always be worse.

[shellit74]

Kristi,

Can you stay with a friend for even a week. Even if its just to show them how much they need you and how they probably cant get along with out you. I would do that. Just get away. YOu need too before you go nuts (ormaybe you already have)

Shelli