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Two year survivor ...


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There is still some amazement that I am sitting here, two years later, saying "here I am".

Two years ago, at this time, I was on my way to the hospital to get my surgery done. I remember, in almost perfect detail, how everything seemed magnified x 10 that morning-the trees, the lights ... the fear. I sure couldn't show it though - I had other people to consider and I didn't want them to know how terrified I was, so I laughed through my fear.

Fear - boy, that has been a constant companion since this journey began. Typically, it is internal; although it does rear it's ugly head with my husband on occasion (he just keeps the Kleenex handy!). I am working on that - some days are better than others. The hardest thing was getting the diagnosis in the first place; the second hardest was reformatting the entire "perfect life plan" I had in my head. That plan did not include cancer and the emotional havoc it wreaks afterwards, for myself and my family.

I would love to say I turned into an angel after my diagnosis - nope, I still lose my temper on occasion, still swear, and still get frustrated easily. However, I still love to laugh, am giving, and love my friends and family deeply. Pretty much a normal human being I suppose - not perfect, but striving to be better and do better. Today I am so thankful that I get more time to try to become who and what I am meant to be. Someone asked me recently "What is your purpose - what was the reason you were allowed to live when so many don't". Wow, I honestly don't have an answer to that. I don't yet know my purpose; however, until the answer comes to me, I just plan on enjoying this gift I was given - life.

Today is a day filled with joy for myself and sadness for others who didn't get to this milestone. It is also a day of hope for others who are just beginning this journey.

Seize the day!


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Hi Linda. Your words as always are very touching. Congratulations on reaching your milestone. I am thinking that part of your purpose, and you are doing a very good job of that already, is continuing to support others with this disease.

Many many more milestones for you...



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Congrats on your 2 year mark - YAY!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D

We are so much alike- I can relate to everything that you posted. I promise you that soon the fear will start to grow dimmer.. surviving is just such a difficult concept to accept, isn't it?

Wishing you a wonderful year ahead, and one that you will look back on as the year you started moving away from the cancer.

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Debi - girl, I have a tough act to follow! I really feel a kindred spirit with you - we may have never "met" but I consider you a friend. I haven't had time yet to go back and read all your posts (yikes-there are a few to get through), but when I do I know I am going to look for the one you posted about the "CT scan experience" - when I first read that over a year ago (?) I was laughing so hard my husband thought I was drinking! (so what if I was - it was still funny!) Anyhow, the grasshopper is learning from the master :) in that I am working hard to live for today and let the fear go. I took your words to heart not to let 5 years go by worrying. This is the time to move away from the cancer and look to the future - even start planning for the future - how wonderful is that!

Denise - you are always there rooting everyone on and it is so appreciated. Thanks for the well wishes.

Rich - my man, I am so-o-o happy to see you posting around the board. Your presence is so missed when you are not here. Speaking of giving people hope - you do that each and every day - you are one of a kind!

Carole - you can tell me not to admire you all you want - I just DO! You are the most balanced person I know. You live with hope and in reality and it is inspiring. Your kind heart does not go unnoticed - it is larger than life itself. You make me remember to "dance in the streets" (yep, I watched the video).

Last, but not least, Sandra - thanks for helping me with my purpose. I thought long and hard about that question when it was posed to me - darned if I could come up with a reason! I don't gamble so I couldn't say "luck of the draw". I'm certainly nowhere close to a saint, so that wasn't it. I think I'll go with helping others and keep trying to discover the rest as it unfolds. No doubt about it though - I get more back from everyone here than I give. You are such a sweetheart and I sure appreciated your kind words.

Finally ending this with a huge thanks to you all for the support.



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  • 3 weeks later...


I don't know how I missed this post until now, but congratulations on your very important two year mark!

I have had a lot of the same experiences as you, including your surgery date and mine are the same, except mine was June 20, 2003.

It sounds like you're doing fantastic, and I hope you continue the good trend for many, many years, heck decades down the road!


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Congrats on two years and wishing you many, many, many more two year marks.

I can relate in some ways to how you feel. Even though I am stage IV, I get survivor guilt big time sometimes. Why have I lasted almost 2 years when so many have come after me and left before me?? I don't think theres any answer to that but I do know that I am sure that those who have left before me would never begrudge me. Sometimes its mind-boggling and I too, wonder why I have been given this gift to still be here.

Please have these days be days full of peace, hope and joy for your success.

Hugs - Patti B.

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