LovesLife Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 There is still some amazement that I am sitting here, two years later, saying "here I am". Two years ago, at this time, I was on my way to the hospital to get my surgery done. I remember, in almost perfect detail, how everything seemed magnified x 10 that morning-the trees, the lights ... the fear. I sure couldn't show it though - I had other people to consider and I didn't want them to know how terrified I was, so I laughed through my fear. Fear - boy, that has been a constant companion since this journey began. Typically, it is internal; although it does rear it's ugly head with my husband on occasion (he just keeps the Kleenex handy!). I am working on that - some days are better than others. The hardest thing was getting the diagnosis in the first place; the second hardest was reformatting the entire "perfect life plan" I had in my head. That plan did not include cancer and the emotional havoc it wreaks afterwards, for myself and my family. I would love to say I turned into an angel after my diagnosis - nope, I still lose my temper on occasion, still swear, and still get frustrated easily. However, I still love to laugh, am giving, and love my friends and family deeply. Pretty much a normal human being I suppose - not perfect, but striving to be better and do better. Today I am so thankful that I get more time to try to become who and what I am meant to be. Someone asked me recently "What is your purpose - what was the reason you were allowed to live when so many don't". Wow, I honestly don't have an answer to that. I don't yet know my purpose; however, until the answer comes to me, I just plan on enjoying this gift I was given - life. Today is a day filled with joy for myself and sadness for others who didn't get to this milestone. It is also a day of hope for others who are just beginning this journey. Seize the day! Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyman35 Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Congratulations on reaching the 2 year mark. YOU GO GIRL!!! Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted June 20, 2008 Share Posted June 20, 2008 Hi Linda. Your words as always are very touching. Congratulations on reaching your milestone. I am thinking that part of your purpose, and you are doing a very good job of that already, is continuing to support others with this disease. Many many more milestones for you... Fondly Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesLife Posted June 20, 2008 Author Share Posted June 20, 2008 Thanks guys. Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debi Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 Linda, Congrats on your 2 year mark - YAY!!!!!!!!!!! We are so much alike- I can relate to everything that you posted. I promise you that soon the fear will start to grow dimmer.. surviving is just such a difficult concept to accept, isn't it? Wishing you a wonderful year ahead, and one that you will look back on as the year you started moving away from the cancer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Congratulations Linda on two years! --That's fantastic and I'm so happy for you, it gives so many hope. Have a great summer! Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Linda: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! And thanks so much for being here for the rest of us in so many ways. Carole Life is a Terminal Condition. Death is Inevitable. Party Hearty in the Meantime! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatlemike Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 Two Thumbs Up Linda!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesLife Posted June 22, 2008 Author Share Posted June 22, 2008 Debi - girl, I have a tough act to follow! I really feel a kindred spirit with you - we may have never "met" but I consider you a friend. I haven't had time yet to go back and read all your posts (yikes-there are a few to get through), but when I do I know I am going to look for the one you posted about the "CT scan experience" - when I first read that over a year ago (?) I was laughing so hard my husband thought I was drinking! (so what if I was - it was still funny!) Anyhow, the grasshopper is learning from the master in that I am working hard to live for today and let the fear go. I took your words to heart not to let 5 years go by worrying. This is the time to move away from the cancer and look to the future - even start planning for the future - how wonderful is that! Denise - you are always there rooting everyone on and it is so appreciated. Thanks for the well wishes. Rich - my man, I am so-o-o happy to see you posting around the board. Your presence is so missed when you are not here. Speaking of giving people hope - you do that each and every day - you are one of a kind! Carole - you can tell me not to admire you all you want - I just DO! You are the most balanced person I know. You live with hope and in reality and it is inspiring. Your kind heart does not go unnoticed - it is larger than life itself. You make me remember to "dance in the streets" (yep, I watched the video). Last, but not least, Sandra - thanks for helping me with my purpose. I thought long and hard about that question when it was posed to me - darned if I could come up with a reason! I don't gamble so I couldn't say "luck of the draw". I'm certainly nowhere close to a saint, so that wasn't it. I think I'll go with helping others and keep trying to discover the rest as it unfolds. No doubt about it though - I get more back from everyone here than I give. You are such a sweetheart and I sure appreciated your kind words. Finally ending this with a huge thanks to you all for the support. Hugs, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiny Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Linda- Great! Here's wishing you more joy in life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chloesmom Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Linda, I don't know how I missed this post until now, but congratulations on your very important two year mark! I have had a lot of the same experiences as you, including your surgery date and mine are the same, except mine was June 20, 2003. It sounds like you're doing fantastic, and I hope you continue the good trend for many, many years, heck decades down the road! Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 12, 2008 Share Posted July 12, 2008 Linda- Congrats on two years and wishing you many, many, many more two year marks. I can relate in some ways to how you feel. Even though I am stage IV, I get survivor guilt big time sometimes. Why have I lasted almost 2 years when so many have come after me and left before me?? I don't think theres any answer to that but I do know that I am sure that those who have left before me would never begrudge me. Sometimes its mind-boggling and I too, wonder why I have been given this gift to still be here. Please have these days be days full of peace, hope and joy for your success. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaffie Posted July 13, 2008 Share Posted July 13, 2008 Congrats on your two year milestone! Your feelings of a mix of fear, happiness and questions are understood by so many here. It has to be the number one bond we all share. Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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