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The First Year Without Her


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I've almost made it through a year of "firsts" without her.......it feels much longer than a year that she's been gone. I was two months pregnant when she passed. My daughter (born on Valentine's Day) is now four months old. Talk about the circle of life. She has brought so much joy in a year that had so much pain. I miss my mom everyday....when I took Savannah to the MD today for her shots, I see women with thier babies and their Moms....how lucky they are. I want my daughter to know how awesome her Grandma was..so I made a Grandma Pat scrapbook. It tells the story of Grandma Pat and I read it to her often. It's the best I can do. I still get angry (fee cheated), but I think for the most part I'm in acceptace. I certainly have experienced my mother's love for me in a new way....now that I'm a Mom and that is a blessing. God had a plan for my family...and I'm grateful for every minute I had with my Mom on this earth and grateful for my beautiful and healthy daughter.....life continues. And my mom lives on in us....My mom used to stick out her tongue when concentrating (like with crossword puzzles). My daughter does the same and I say "well Mom, there you are." Her picture hangs in my daugther's nursey and everynight I say goodnight to them both.

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I am glad you are coping and that you have your wonderful daughter to help fill in the black hole of your mother's absence.

If I have learned one thing in the 17 months since my dx, it is that my dying will be much harder on my mother and daughter than on me.

I cannot possibly express to you and the other family members here on the Lungevity site the degree to which I respect and admire you for your deep, abiding and steadfast love for those who are leaving you behind.

You are my true heroes.



Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.--the late, great George Carlin

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