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22 Months of Preparing Does Nothing to Prepare You


lc46

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So here I am on this beautiful Saturday afternoon-went to the bookstore to buy some books on grief-sitting on my back porch, the kids are swimming in the pool, my husband is building me a potting bench-these things would usually make me so content-just the simple things, but today just like all week I just have that black cloud of a blanket covering my brain. I know I have to be gentle with myself and just accept that everyday and every hour will bring some new emotions. I thought while my Mom was sick I was going to be prepared for her being gone but I am not. How can anyone be prepared for never speaking to their Mom again? Twenty times a day I just think I'm going to call her, I'm going to tell her this or that..........and of course she is still going to tell me what it was like to die, what it's like being on the other side...how crazy is that?

How can we ever be the same again?

Dar

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We are never prepared to lose someone we love. You can expect it and know that it will happen but somehow our minds just block it out. When it comes we are in shock for a while. It just plain hurts.

I have lost so many people in my life and I have learned one thing. It never gets easier :!: You would think the older we get and the more loss we have to live with that it would become easier. Instead I find it just gets harder. Hold on. You have a long ride ahead of you. Just love the ones you have with you and love the ones who have departed with all of the special memories you can. They say time heals but I am here to tell you that you don't heal you just learn to cope and it is not time but love that gets you through the roughest spots.

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We are never the same sweetie. The black cloud stays for a while.

It does get gentler, even though it doesn't help you to read that right now. There will come a time when the black cloud thins, goes different shades of color and then there will come a time that those cloudy days only happen every once in a while.

For me, nothing about my grieving has been normal or "routine".

What I do notice now, is that there are things that I say or do that have come from my parents, and that reminds me that they are still with me, inside me and a part of me always. It's tangible and something that I can pass forward to my children. That brings me comfort.

I wish there was something I could tell you that would make things better- just know that how you're feeling is normal- you can never be prepared- and give yourself plenty of time to mourn and grieve.

(((hug)))

I hope each day gets a little bit softer for you.

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Oh Dar, I understand. You are not the same and no matter how real you think you were with yourself during her illness and death, it still hurts and is still surreal. It has been 7 months for me today that I lost my Mom and my best friend. And I still get those "kicked in the chest" moments. It has gotten a little better with the help of antidepressants.

I keep saying things like "I don't remember it being this hot last year" but heck, I don't remember much about last year except taking care of my Mom. I still can't believe that my parents are gone.

BTW, what books did you get?

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Dar, I so want to say something to comfort you. I agree with so much of what Katie said.

Just know that I'm thinking of you and I know how you feel, so much so. You are at such a hard stage of this. I know what you mean about the phone calls - in the beginning, it's just so shocking that you can't pick up the phone and talk to her. I know what a gut-wrenching life change all of this is for you. Hang in there, lean on those that love you, they will be your saving grace...

(((DAR)))

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(((Dar)))

You're so right -- there is no such thing as being prepared. And it won't be the same without your amazing mom. But you will find joy in those everyday moments of beauty. It's such early days for you. Just allow yourself to feel those feelings, and any others that come along. I'm so sorry.

Hugs,

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Dar.

It's been almost 39 years since my 20 year old sister died and I still forget sometimes that she's gone and say things to myself like "I've got to call Glenda and tell her that..." and then I remember.

In the beginning, it was always sad, but as time passed by, the things I wanted to tell her were often so funny (things we would have joked about) that they actually brought a smile to my face.

I will never forget her. She was my best friend. But the depth of the sadness passes and the good memories become overlying... eventually.

Carole

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Thanks Guys-I know this is the place I will be coming back to time and time again

It does bring comfort knowing you are not alone and other people understand. Life goes on for everyone else who only knew or loved them from a distance. It's been one week and I know it has not even hit me yet that she is gone. It is the strangest thing what your brain can do to protect you.

Take Care

Dar

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