lc46 Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 So here I am on this beautiful Saturday afternoon-went to the bookstore to buy some books on grief-sitting on my back porch, the kids are swimming in the pool, my husband is building me a potting bench-these things would usually make me so content-just the simple things, but today just like all week I just have that black cloud of a blanket covering my brain. I know I have to be gentle with myself and just accept that everyday and every hour will bring some new emotions. I thought while my Mom was sick I was going to be prepared for her being gone but I am not. How can anyone be prepared for never speaking to their Mom again? Twenty times a day I just think I'm going to call her, I'm going to tell her this or that..........and of course she is still going to tell me what it was like to die, what it's like being on the other side...how crazy is that? How can we ever be the same again? Dar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 We are never prepared to lose someone we love. You can expect it and know that it will happen but somehow our minds just block it out. When it comes we are in shock for a while. It just plain hurts. I have lost so many people in my life and I have learned one thing. It never gets easier You would think the older we get and the more loss we have to live with that it would become easier. Instead I find it just gets harder. Hold on. You have a long ride ahead of you. Just love the ones you have with you and love the ones who have departed with all of the special memories you can. They say time heals but I am here to tell you that you don't heal you just learn to cope and it is not time but love that gets you through the roughest spots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 ((((Dar)))) I am just so sorry for you. I wish you peace. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Oh Dar, I understand. You are not the same and no matter how real you think you were with yourself during her illness and death, it still hurts and is still surreal. It has been 7 months for me today that I lost my Mom and my best friend. And I still get those "kicked in the chest" moments. It has gotten a little better with the help of antidepressants. I keep saying things like "I don't remember it being this hot last year" but heck, I don't remember much about last year except taking care of my Mom. I still can't believe that my parents are gone. BTW, what books did you get? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Dar, I so want to say something to comfort you. I agree with so much of what Katie said. Just know that I'm thinking of you and I know how you feel, so much so. You are at such a hard stage of this. I know what you mean about the phone calls - in the beginning, it's just so shocking that you can't pick up the phone and talk to her. I know what a gut-wrenching life change all of this is for you. Hang in there, lean on those that love you, they will be your saving grace... (((DAR))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 ((((Dar)))), Hugs, hugs and more hugs. It hurts. Wish I could make it not so. Hugs, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 ((((Dar)))) Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 (((Dar))) You're so right -- there is no such thing as being prepared. And it won't be the same without your amazing mom. But you will find joy in those everyday moments of beauty. It's such early days for you. Just allow yourself to feel those feelings, and any others that come along. I'm so sorry. Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Dar. It's been almost 39 years since my 20 year old sister died and I still forget sometimes that she's gone and say things to myself like "I've got to call Glenda and tell her that..." and then I remember. In the beginning, it was always sad, but as time passed by, the things I wanted to tell her were often so funny (things we would have joked about) that they actually brought a smile to my face. I will never forget her. She was my best friend. But the depth of the sadness passes and the good memories become overlying... eventually. Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lc46 Posted June 30, 2008 Author Share Posted June 30, 2008 Thanks Guys-I know this is the place I will be coming back to time and time again It does bring comfort knowing you are not alone and other people understand. Life goes on for everyone else who only knew or loved them from a distance. It's been one week and I know it has not even hit me yet that she is gone. It is the strangest thing what your brain can do to protect you. Take Care Dar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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