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KatieB

Grief Support- never too late?

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Seeing someone today...

okay, okay...you've heard it from me for 4 years now...

HOW many times did I say I was going to check out a grief support group?

Half a dozen times at least- starting back when I lost my dad and again last year after my mom passed away....I really had the best intentions, called to get more information, had information mailed to me, found out meeting times and locations, etc...the WHOLE shabang....I just never WENT..... 8)

"GLO" and I corresponded about this a few times...who knows me better than me? I counsel others why would I seek out counseling? I know exactly what to say to myself...HA! What the brain knows, the heart does not....that's what I've found out.

They say the grief comes in waves...well, along with missing them and grieving that loss is the hurt and grief over my siblings....I didn't just lose my parents - I lost my entire birth-family and my entire way of life...my life was so entwined with my parents that when my mom died last year suddenly- my life as I knew it ended abruptly. EVERYTHING changed...I can't begin to explain the gravity of changes- or how this once self sufficient and self-assured woman feels weak and fragile and lonely and uncertain about a lot of things.....even as she goes along in life making everyone else think she's ok and taking great care of everyone and everything else....

I've had to admit to myself that I am struggling in this new normal and after 18 months I feel like I'm watching someone else's life some days.....things should be better now.....is it grieving or is it fear or anxiety- probably all of the above....I am exhausted with pretending that everything is perfect and taking care of everyone else in my life....

I tend to internalize everything...

Time to take care of me.....Let's see if this psychotherapy thing works....if it doesn't- that just means I'm a PSYCHO.

=)

I'll keep you updated.

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Yes Katie it is time to take care of you. Grief support groups were never my thing but each of us is different. You need to do what is right for you. I think something else may help. You need some one on one with someone who has had or is having a simillar experience. A good long carefree vacation wouldn't be a bad idea either.

No one can go on forever without stopping to breathe and take care of themselves. Grief is a very tiring and draining part of our lives. Fighting the need to grieve takes even more energy that the grieving.

It is a sad fact of life that the death of a loved one usually causes family problems to come to a head, especially if the one who dies is the glue that holds the family together. Even if there is no conflict many just seem to drift apart.

I know this is all so painful for you and is putting a terrible strain on you. You need to step back for awhile. You have done wonders for so many people with this site. Because of that there are many here to support those who need it. That means that if you ever need it you can take a break for a few days of even a couple of weeks. You would certainly be missed but your welfare is very important to all of us here. I am sure eveyone will agree to that. Take care Katie, we all want to see you happier.

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ok. it's over. Just like that, yacked for one hour and then it was over...he didn't say anything enlightening or new or "fix" anything...actually, he kind of repeated everything I said or reiterated feelings I already knew existed....

Is this what therapy is like? Then he says, "Id like to explore this further with you. Can you come back in 2 weeks?"

Really? I know it's a process but my expectations were much higher.

:?

I guess I will keep an open mind...and see him again in two weeks....unless I cancel... :roll:

Is there a way to "take care of me" FASTER?

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Katie--

I think you know I started doing counselling this past November or December. It has been good. Hard but good. It was for grief and a whole host of other issues. I knew all the things to say to myself or anyone else too... but I had to face the fact that I don't feel my feelings... Just like what you said about the head and the heart. And that's causing problems for me.

Good for you. I hope that you find just the right avenue for insight and comfort.

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hummm, lets see, you have been grieving for HOW LONG? You've had sibling problems for HOW LONG? And this should be fixed in HOW MANY MINUTES???? :lol::lol::wink: Your too too funny Honey, if that's how it worked everyone would be perfect and counselors would be out of work, or they would only have to work 2 days a week. LOL!

He needs time to get to know you. That's a GOOD THING! I wouldn't want someone trying to advise me without knowing anything about me. :roll::shock: The first FEW sessions are all about YOU talking and telling him this that and the other thing. Talk, talk and talk some more!

Leave your expectations at the door please! Don't walk in thinking this is a quick fix, or a bandaide is going to do the trick, it's not, it takes time and hard work. And when I say time, I mean months and months and maybe even a year. Just don't put expectations on it just yet. In a few sessions you'll know if this counselor is for you or not. Let it go for a little while.

(((((((((((((KATIE)))))))))))))))))))))

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Best of luck Katie and keep us updated on how it goes. Either way, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you tried, and like Val says, it could be just that he isn't the right one for you.

When it's obvious that what we're doing isn't working, we have to try something else. I may even try the counseling myself - yeah, I'm still just saying "I may". :)

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Katie: I agree with the last post, give him another try. Whenever I had to refer clients, though, I always said if you don't feel a connection in a couple of sessions or so, it's probably not the person for you.

I was a counselor in private practice for ten years and always said my greatest strength was that I had been in therapy before I became a therapist. I returned for brief counseling a couple of times while I was a counselor. I was glad I had the experience and smarts to know when I needed to bounce off of someone.

Hang in there. With the right person, it works.

Judy

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KAtie Psycho or Not I would be proud to call you friend!!! :o:wink::) Hang in there. These things take a little time. first meeting is kinda a get to know ya and then :shock:

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Thanks guys...I still think there should be a FASTER way to do this whole therapy thing LOL :lol: but I will give it a shot simply because I've resisted for so long...and it simply can not hurt at this point.

Aside from degrees- what is the theraputic difference between a counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist? Anyone know off hand? I will look it up...

My guy is a psychologist....guess I should have looked that up FIRST! He gets one more shot at me, but I swear he nodded off TWICE or else he just has really squinty eyes that like to close randomly. This should be an interesting experience for sure.

8)

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Katie, I don't know the difference between all those titles. Maybe their education or certification level? Some can probably prescribe drugs, others not, similar to the difference between an MD and a chiropractor. A chiropractor can certainly fix you up, unless you need drugs to do it. LOL

I've only had one experience with counseling, and it turned out badly, in my opinion, but I was just the one paying for it, not the person going through it. I would think, though, that it would be important to feel comfortable with the counselor. Give it one more try. If you don't feel comfortable, seek another counselor. But seek another counselor. Don't give up just because the first one didn't work out. You should really equate it with what we all tell everyone here. If you are not comfortable, seek a second opinion.

Just one more thing. I don't think that this is the sort of thing that gets fixed in one or two visits. I think you should be prepared to be in this for the long haul. And you are worth it, so don't give up!

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Katie-I know how I am feeling right now about my Mom passing. I cannot even begin to imagine how you are getting through with both your parents gone and your siblings. I say go for the therapy-you will know if it's for you or not.

Keep us posted

Dar

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Hey-Again-I didn't read all the way down to see that you already went to

the Wacko-I mean therapist :lol:

I need to come out there to Texas with a nice bottle of wine and we could talk

for hours.

I wish we lived closer.

You will know I'm sure by the next appointment whether or not you will stick with this guy.

Dar

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Most people don't know the differences between these professionals. I had to learn it in school and will try to recall it the best I can. A psychiatrist is an MD with a specialty in psychiatry and he can do therapy and write prescriptions; a psychologist is someone with a PhD in Psychology who can do therapy but cannot write scripts; a mental health counselor and some social workers can do therapy but cannot write scripts and are most often trained at a Master's level. In most states they are all licensed to practice therapy or psychotherapy or counseling--these terms being interchangeable. Therapist is a more general term that more or less describes the work they do. Psychiatrists most often treat people with more serious mental disorders although not exclusively. Psychologists would be the next level of education below psychiatrists and can usually be found to treat a wide range of problems. Most people experiencing real life problems or life crises would probably do well with a mental health counselor or social worker.

Judy on the Rancocas River

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Good for you, Katie. I surely hope that you get some positive resluts. I can identify with the self-sufficient and self-assured being left behind with the weak and fragile and lonely taking their place! Can I ever!!!! Give it a fair chance and be open and honest too. Unfortunatley there is no 'fast' fix here. It's going to take time and maybe even hurt some too. We'll be wishing you all the best from here in PA.

L&T,

Kasey

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Katie,

Good for you! I think it's very important to realize that it's a process. I've been with my councellor since February, and I suspect I'll be going for a while. I feel like I've made progress in a lot of areas, not only grief. I think the grief highlights the other areas of our life that need focus or that are hindering you.

I also agree that it's crucial to find the right person for you, regardless of what their degree is. If you don't feel a connection or don't feel safe being completely honest, I would keep looking. The first time is really awkward though, especially if you're reluctant to begin with.

I really hope it works out, Katie. It's a big step just going!

By the way, there was a woman in my griefshare group who had lost her parents over 10 years ago. She was there because she felt she had never properly dealt with it. She was as raw as the rest of us. So, there is no time limit.

Hugs,

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Oh, Katie, the squinty eyes/nodding off thing made me laugh so hard, for the first time in a while! Thank you....

I wish you all the best in your counseling. It's so unfair that we lose family members to cancer, and then the fallout can cause us to lose so much more.

I go to therapy next week, so we're in the same club. Let's see if it makes a speck of a difference...

Let us know how things progress, if you're feeling like sharing...

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