Dian775 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 ....i feel so alone in this. i NEED to find others like ME. 52, NSCLC...left lung removed...just completed chemo. here i sit...bald...and depressed. scared outta my tree. every day i fear waking up..AND NOT waking up. my onco says i'm doing really, really well. THIS is well? Diane (in DFW) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JB Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Well Diane, you came to the right place...Welcome. You'll find tons of information, support, and many many new friends. Oh and we're all like you, so you'll fit right in. If your oncologist says you're doing well, then you're doing well. You'll find that old terms take on entirely new meanings around these parts. Wishing you all the best, and once again welcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Welcome Diane! I've been in the SAME spot that you find yourself right now. And I was there for quite some time too. I didn't have a lung removed, but a lobe. My prognosis was grim, to say the least before that. If you notice what we all have beneath our names......a Profile. There is a link at the top of the page marked such. Just click and complete the info. That will give us all an idea of just where you've been and where you are now. It helps us help you better. Two things sound just GREAT to me ~ the fact that you had surgery AND that the onc says you're doing well. Now take that and RUN for the hills. I wasted WAY too much time in that valley of despair and fear. What we try to do here is take some deep breaths and do our best to do our best ~ if you get what I mean. I'm glad you've found us. It truly does help to be among friends who absolutely 'GET' it! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna G Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Welcome Diane. You may have had surgery and finished chemo but from my experience you are still in the thick of it. You're body and mind have just had a whippen!! Most of us need some kind of support. Many of us need some kind of antidepressent for a while. All of us need time for our bodies to heal from all that treatment, plenty of rest, some exercise, good healthy food. Glad you found us. Keep us posted. Donna G Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Welcome Diane. I also know just how you feel. I was there 5 years ago. I had the upper lobe of my right lung removed and then had chemo. Lost the upper lobe of the left lung 18 mo. later and did the chemo thing again. The thing that helped me the most was the antidepressant prescribed by my oncologist. Have you tried that? Did you tell your Onc. that you might be depressed? Zoloft didn't make me outrageously happy, but it did allow me to live a pretty normal life without constantly worrying about what might happen next. Good luck. Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Welcome, Diane Sorry you have the need to be here but glad you found us. This is a really great site with terrific people who can help you along your journey. We all felt the way you felt in the beginning. I remember for at least 6 months after my diagnosis, the last thing I thought before I fell asleep and the first thought when my eyes opened in the morning was........I have cancer!! But over time, things change. Its great you say your onc says you are doing well......believe me, they don't give out those compliments for nothing!!! Ask any question, we will try to help you. If you need to talk, you can PM me. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flo Bones Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 Diane Please take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. You have pleanty of friends here who will support you and give you hope. Hang in there. Your onc says you are doing well. Flo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatlemike Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hi Diane and welcome.We all know only to well what you are going thru.Im glad you were able to have surgery and followed up with chemo.I had my right lung removed in Aug.05 and even tho I was getting good reports I was still depressed and worried all the time. All I could think of was dying and leaving my loved oned behind.I would cry at the drop of a hat. Finallly I started taking lexapro which helped me tremendously.I now try to focus on living and enjoying the time I have.Wheather that may be 15 years or 2 months. I still have my moments that it is like I am realizing it again for the very first time but I dont drell on it endlessly like I did.Right now you are physically and mentally drained.Tell your doctor about it and keep coming back here for much help and support .May God bless you. Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dian775 Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 Thanks for all the replies. I honestly didn't expect them. The lure of the web to find "good news" has only hurt me so far. Unlike all of you..I don't have the presence of mind yet to list out all the details. Like I said..left lung was yanked...and I think maybe I had a lymph or 2 that lit up in scans. The surgeon said all the cancer is out and chemo was to improve my chances. Oh...and it was stage 2b? I' ll get all the med-speak info if that helps. : / I've had depression issues all my life...was on cymbalta through most of this and recently quit taking it...I mean...what the hell can break through THIS kind of depression?? YIKES. The amount of "glow in the dark" stuff in chemo is bad enough...I only take xanax (anxiety is worse than depression..I'm dependant and don't care) I want to take as little as possible until this poison has made its way out of my body. Like someone else said..my first thought in the morning and last at night is..OMG, I have cancer. I wanna wake up from this nightmare....or perhaps never wake up? I'm not sure at this point which I'd prefer. You would think being bald would be the least of it.....but to me? It's a horror. I'M a horror. I'm doing all that they told me to do...eating very healthy and as soon as I get over the exhaustion that chemo caused...I'll begin with exercise. I'm just so utterly overwhelmed by all of this....my husband doing EVERYTHING?!?!?! I've always been the caretaker of everyone...I'm NOT very good on the "helpless" tip....in fact...I just plain SUCK at it! I seemed to be more positive and better able to cope after surgery..but chemo has done a real number on my mental state. It's over..I hope and pray FOREVER. I want this port do-hicky thing OUT...I want ME back!!!!! I want hair! I want this feeling that a cinderblock is on my left chest to stop! I don't see my doctor until August 4th....except for labs. I'm so very sad. I feel as if part of me has already died and I'm mourning her. Thanks for reading this. Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hi Diane and Welcome. I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad! Can I ask why you went off your antidepressants? Many of us have started on antidepressants once we were told we have lung cancer. A lung cancer diagnosis is so very scary it turns your world upside down. Have you considered hopping back on the medication? I also wanted to share a little bit of my history with you - I was diagnosed with Adenocarcinoma in March 2004 - 4+ years ago. I was staged at IIIa and I had my left lung removed within weeks. I had 22 lumph nodes removed and 21 were positive for cancer. After the lung removal, I had pretty heavy chemo including 3 different drugs and radiation to my chest for 30 days. I won't say that the road was always easy, but you can tell you I have enjoyed many life milestones along the way that I am grateful for. I am sending you a great big cyber hug and hope that you start feeling better soon. Wendy I hope you begin to feel better soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robobbi Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hi Diane- I haven't posted on here in a very long time although I do come on and read pretty regularly, but just felt I had to write to you. I had 2 surgeries, one in December, 2004 and then another for the removal of my upper left lobe in January, 2005 (staged at IIIB), followed by 3 months of chemo. All I wanted was to feel (and look) like myself again....and I'm here to tell you that you will. It takes a little time to get back to the real "you", but I promise you that you will. I live alone and I too have always been the one to help everyone else. I had to realize that I needed the help and I wouldn't have made it through without my two fantastic daughters and some wonderful friends. Please hang in there and know that it really will get better. Bobbi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 ]H[/color] I D [/color]I A N E!!!!!!!!! I thought may be the Bright happy colors woulds help cheer you up some and so to be a little different!! Welcome to the place no one wants to be really but we are glad we are here! TO start cheering up a little why not read through some good news stories or some inspirational stories. Little easier than seeing a doctor at this late hour! But really do this for starters here. Just a few!! BUT BEWARE the grieveng and Obit forums do not read them!! This is just my free easy advice for now everyone else has covvered ther est of the items to help You out but they require a doctors note!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 A belated welcome to you Diane. I don't like that you are feeling sad and that you are already mourning a part of you. The best advice that I got early on is that you are still the same person you were before this diagnosis. So whilst all our lives are now different, we are the same but wiser people...and should rejoice about that. And fight like hell...you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to win this battle. Please take good care and keep posting. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peebygeeby Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Hi Diane, You have stumbled upon a wonderful community here, I can assure you of that. There is always someone here who is standing or has stood in your shoes. I hope you'll be feeling better soon. I think it's terrific that your doc says your doing well. I hope you'll hang around here and keep posting. I have found the support of this community very comforting. Wishing you all the best, Gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Hi, Diane. So sorry about your dx, but you've definitely come to the right place for support of every kind. Best of luck to you. Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Diane, It is not unusual to feel deeply depressed when you have been diagnosis. I have been there and have felt extremely depressed and afraid. People here at this web site helped me feel better when their kind words, patience and support. I will be praying for you to feel better. Carrol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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