dchurchi Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 We held Alan's Memorial Service yesterday, and it was a beautiful tribute to my amazing husband. For me though I have been overcome with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Alan's service made his passing "Real", and final. I came home today and I have never felt so alone. Alan and I didn't have any children, so it is just me. Yes I do have family and friends who at a moments notice would be at my side, but that will not last forever, but living without Alan is forever and I am just now trying to adjust to that reality. I have entered this area of limbo. I am no longer married, but in no way consider myself single. I spent the past 3.5 years taking care of Alan, and now I am trying to figure what my "new" purpose in life is. I am just feeling very lost. I needed to get my emotions out, and thank you for letting me do that. I continue to pray everyday for all of us who continue to battle this dreaded disease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 (((((Debi))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 (((((Deb))))) My heart is breaking for you. I wish there was something I could do. (((DEB))) Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blueeye Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Debi, I am so sorry that your dear Alan was taken by this wretched disease. I can feel the love in your post. Let your friends in now...even if it's not forever. The distraction may help you transition. Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbb Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Debbie, I so totally understand what you are saying. I feel I am still married. I wear my rings and don't plan to take them off. The lonliness I feel is only for Rod to be here, no one else can take that feeling away. As far as our purpose in life, God will lead us to that. Your loss is so new, please give yourself time to see where He wants you to be. I'm still waiting. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I know how you feel I was in same boat but had Daisy for just over a year and a half and then when Daisy dawg passes I enddured a searing loneliness until I found Mocha at the Local shelter adn nowI have a Mocha pup for some company at least and she is a great listener and dealer with of bad and good moods both!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 ((((Debbie)))) I have not walked your path so cannot offer any helpful advice or wisdom, but want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce u Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Debbie I think the loneliness you are feeling is understandable. Alot of your time, especially in the last 3.5 years, was devoted to caring for Alan. Your family and friends are there for you now and you should lean on them. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Debbie, I can't even imagine the depth of your feeling. I get "lonely" even when my husband is just on an extended business trip. But gone forever is the big one. I've never walked in your shoes either Debbie but I think that finding a balance between feeling the feelings until that gets too hard then seeking distraction with family and friends or whatever other means works for you for awhile is a way to start this process. You are in my thoughts with hope you find peace in this very difficult time. Judy on Lake Whipporwill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellit74 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 (((Deb))) Thinking about you!!! I know that you need time to grieve, but have you thought of maybe joining some sort of group? Not nessisarily a group for loss or grieving, but maybe a book club, or something like that. to meet new people? Hoping things get better for you soon, but remember you always have us! Shelli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 ((((Deb)))) I'm so sorry for your hurt. There is just no way to make it better at the moment. That "limbo" phase lasts for a long time, I think. Just please understand that all of the feelings that overwhelm you are normal, as awful as they are. And at some point, you learn to find moments of joy even while the pain is still there. You really will. But for now, it's just raw. You may feel like you can't possibly make it through, but you will. I know it's hard, but try not to think too far ahead -- just deal with getting through today. No one can be a replacement for Alan or make the hurt go away, but people can give comfort and love to you -- do reach out. The emptiness is a testament to the fullness that was there between you. One moment at a time... Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 (((Debbie))), You have so many here who understand what you are saying, you can count me as one. Among the spouses there is a sister and brotherhood here, but overall, there are many who understand what you are saying . Wish I could deliver this hug in person. Just know we understand, we care and we are here for you. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Hi Deb. I am sure the service was beautiful because you had just a little something to do with it. I am sure Alan is very proud of you. I know very little about grief so can not imagine what you are going through. But I am thinking about you and hoping you get through one day at a time..with style and grace like I know you will. Take good care please Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 ((((((((((Debi))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Debbie, Unfortunately I do understand. As I have said so often, it does get easier, but not easy. You have lost your best friend, your confidant, your 'turn to' guy and your sweetheart. You have spent so much time the last few years as a caregiver. Now you have to figure out how to fill that time. It happens. I wish you had not joined this sorority, but now here I hope you find peace and your place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat127 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Ah Deb, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so lost, and the saddest part is that there is really nothing anyone can do to change that. Ultimately you just have to get through that horribly deep valley, thre doesn't seem to be any shortcut around it. But you will get through it, it just won't be easy or fast. And your friends (of which I hope you include us) and family can help, but in most ways it is a solitary journey I think. In the meantime, I'm hoping that we are of some help for you. Sometimes just writing down here how you feel, helps a little bit. Time, it may not heal all wounds, but it sure will lessen them a lot. There will be happiness and fun and laughter again, I promise you! Still keeping you in my prayers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I am so very, very sorry for your hurt and pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev'sSister Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Deb, I just wanted to reply and let you know I am thinking about you and have been for the past couple of weeks. I think you are an amazing woman. I always look forward to your posts. So, please continue to come here and share with us. We all love you and want to help you get through each day as you so lovingly helped us through our losses. Love, Bobby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nova Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Debbie, I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you that you'll feel better soon, but I can't . Guess everyone is different, but I'm like you--still very married, and waiting for my husband to pull up in the driveway at any minute. If there's anything at all I can do to help, please let me know. Love, Nova Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ursol Posted July 23, 2008 Share Posted July 23, 2008 Debbie, I have not been on the site much lately and didn't realize Alan was not doing well. My heart goes out to you at this time. I'm so sorry for your loss. Lilly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flo Bones Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 ((((Deb)))) I can't offer much comfort at this time because I'm also in the "limbo" phrase. But you are not alone. I try to take it one moment at a time and at the end of the day, I just thank God I made it through the day. Flo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laban Posted July 24, 2008 Share Posted July 24, 2008 Debbie, I know.........and I'm sorry you have to go through this too. Try and let God help you through this....let him give you strength. Of course it's horribly lonely. For 3.5 years that was your existence, taking care and loving your Alan. The Serenity Prayer helps me...... God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen. God bless you Debbie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaroleHammett Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Debbie. I wish so much that there was something I could do to make it better, but there's not. I'm so sorry for your loss. Alan was one lucky man. Affectionately, Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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