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Another day

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Bed time and waking up are the hardest things to do now. All day i just go through the motions of living. Kinda like how your body knows just when to breathe. The ride to the hospital doesn't even require thinking anymore, its like the car just knows where to go. A woman my sister and i spoke to said she spoke with his doctor when we weren't there. The reasons for the radiation are to try and shrink the cancer in his liver to help ease the pain. I explained to my dad he was getting 5 treatments altogether and why they were doing it. He is eating less now, usually only what i feed him. He's just eating fruit now. He loves watermelon. Yesterday seeing him tell me he had to go to the bathromm was the hardest thing ever, just the look on his face like he wasn't going to make it, and having to wait for the nurses to come. My grandfather who has custody of my sister said this is so much harder than losing my grandmom. He suggested pureeing my dads food. I said no, dad wouldn't want to be treated like a baby. He said we already are by feeding him. The doctors won't put in a feeding tube because it would put more pressure on his abdomen. So we are sticking to the fruit and things like yogurt. I don't know how much longer i can take this. I treasure everyday i have with him, but it's so hard seeing him like this. But i can't be selfish, he's still fighting. I need to learn to control my anxiety attacks since my doctor refuses to give me anymore Xanax. Now i am taking 20 mg of Lexapro, which s doing nothing. Why doesn't she understand. :(

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Hi Lillee. I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is a very tough time for all involved and you are doing all the right things. Go to another doctor if you need something else for anxiety...your doctor obviously does not get it. Hang in there and come here often if you need to. I am thinking of you


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What a wonderful daughter you are. I realize how tough this must be on you.

I agree with Sandra - check with another doc who will give you an anxiety pill. I tried Lexapro and it made me feel like crap all day long and I was told it could take up to 6 weeks to start to work - you need something that will help you now.

Your father is so lucky to have you by his side.

Please keep us posted.

Hugs - Patti B.

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