coni Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I just dont know how to deal with my hubby and his depression, he refuses any drugs and or support groups. I have my own depression to contend with then when he gets down I go down even worst. this is so tough! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Coni, I know how tough it is. I remember years ago when my own husband went through a severe depression and refused help. Fortunately, I'm not prone to depression but since you say you deal with it yourself, I'm reminded of something I've heard Dr Phil say: This situation calls for a hero. In your case it would mean one of you (probably you) would have to draw on all your resources and supports and stare your own depression down. Sometime example is the best teacher. A simple tool would be when he says something you read as "down," grit your teeth and ignore it and change the subject and talk about something more positive. I know, easier said.... Feelin for you, Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 ((((Coni)))) I feel so bad for you. Depression is the worst and so many of us surviviors are plagued by it from time to time. That said, many of us also get meds from the doc to handle it. Unfortunately, it seems your husband is not yet ready for that. So......you need to deal with yours. Go to the doctor and get some meds for it. You need to take care of yourself, too, not just your husband. Hopefully then you can help your husband deal with his. Maybe he will see that you are handling yours better and he will decide to go the medication route (I know if he is anything like my hubbie, they think they can just tough it out). If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me. Hugs to you - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Coni, I read through your husband's profile again (which you've been updating -- thanks!) and I think I see something similar to what I experienced. I'm an optimistic realist (my term), possibly much like your husband, and in spite of some irritating side effects, my spirits remained pretty high through at least the first 3 cycles. Then around the 4th cycle, I sort of went into the dumps -- nothing serious, and probably nothing approaching clinical depression, but out of character for me. I think basically I was just getting tired of putting on the happy face and knowing that as soon as I started feeling good again it would be time for another treatment and another series of junk days. My mood started to lift during the 5th cycle, even though some of the side effects were continuing to build -- there seemed to be light at the end of the tunnel, since I was programmed to get a total of 6 Taxol/Carbo treatments then go on Avastin alone, which I figured (correctly so) would be relatively easy. My down period had nothing to do with considerations of mortality, survival, or anything like that, just the quality of life issues that I was getting fed up with and that I knew were being caused by the chemo. I'm not saying this is what your husband is feeling, but could be. Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Well, for me the depression and anxiety got so bad last winter, that i did not care that I had cancer. I just wanted to get rid of the depression and anxiety. lexapro and xanax brought me out of it. It also helped me to keep busy doing little tasks and walking. Don m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I agree with Don. Depression can actually be worse than cancer. I have not suffered from depression at all since my diagnosis. That I think is a miracle. I have suffered from major anxiety though. I don't think drugs is always the answer for either. There are resources at most cancer clinics for either though I think. I have found my family doctor also to be a great help. It may be that he just needs to talk to someone else about it, other than you. I have found that there are many many things I do not discuss with spouse, family members or close friends because I protect them to some degree and they just simply don't get it. Doctors sometimes do get it as do other survivors. You of course can't force him to go and talk to anyone...but maybe if you make a few suggestions like family doc or clinic he might just act on one of those at some time. I can imagine how tough this is on you as well. Hang in there...no easy answers. Take good care Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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