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A message of hope - I hope?


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I use to be on this message board in 2003 and 2004. My sweet Mikey died in June of 2003.

You can find my prior posts as Mrs Mike. I re-read some of them tonight and I remembered the pain, the grief, the loss. I remember how I felt in those horrible months of fighting for Mike's life and after his death.

You all are walking down some of the roughest paths of life. I pray that you will only have to go down this path once in your life. But life isn't fair...and no one knows what the future will hold.

But I will tell you my story.

I was lost after Mike's passing - We had been high school sweethearts and I had never been an adult without him. It was a horrible struggle re-defining myself.

After months of active and excruiating grieving...I found my smile again and I looked for a new life.

I started looking for potential companionship and dating. It was difficult to say the least. To be 52 and thrown into the dating arena was an EYE opening experience.

But I was so lost, so confused, I kept looking for that "person" who would fill in the big gapping hole in my heart.

After re-connecting with an old acquaintance from high school and dating him for 10 months, he dropped me without warning. I was devastated. It opened all the wounds of losing Mike and I greived again anew.

Then my best friend challenged me by asking me "What is your passion?" I realized for the first time in my 54 years that I only had relationships. I didn't have any career passions (I worked because I had to), I didn't have any hobbies or interests that fulfilled me.

So - when I lost my job, I went back to school to become a medical assistant. I found my passion for medicine was being fed and my heart was lightened.

I found my niche. I found something that was my passion. I felt fulfilled and completed.

Then I met him. My new husband. We were married last October and it's been 10+ months of pure wedded bliss.

I am more than fulfilled, I am happy once again.

Do I have moments of sadness when I think of Mike? Yes - and I think of him daily. But I am choosing to celebrate Mike's life by living mine to the fullest. I remember our life together with a soft fondness, not the tearing pain I felt for months after his death.

I am what I am today because of Mike. The ups and downs, the joys and the pain of 32 years of marriage to Mike has made me the woman I am today.

Some things just are what they are. You have to accept what life is handing you and adapt, adjust and deal with it. Once I did that, my life started falling into place.

So - no matter how dark - how bleak your life looks for you, it can and it will change. Life is a journey and the roads we walk can change in a heart beat.

Take heart - have hope - and know that this too shall pass.

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Hi there,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It really means a lot to me to see it, especially at this time. It has been just six weeks since my Hank passed away. I have been wondering, even at this early stage in my grieving what my new life will consist of, and who will I share it with. I am also 54. I have been thinking that it is not impossible, but improbable that I will ever find someone new to share my life with. After reading your story, I see that this might not be true. I do have to find myself again though. Who am I really? now that I am not who I was before this happened? I'm sure that in the coming days and months I will find out.

Thank you very much posting this!!!!!

:) Gail

Congratulations on your wedding and new life!!! I wish you much happiness.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. It was for someone like you that I posted this message.

I remember the feelings I had at only 6 weeks of widowhood. The mere title of widow, sent a shiver down my spine.

But I also remember the battle, while Mike was still alive. Those horrific sinking feelings that made me feel like life would never be worth living again.

You will find your way. Probably a lot differently than I did, but the fact remains...if you don't want to get stuck in the gut wrenching pain of grieving...you have to be willing to keep moving!

May each day find your heart a little lighter.



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Thank you so much for your post. I just passed the one year mark of losing my Bill -- my best friend, love of my life. I miss him so much, there are no words to describe it. I just returned Monday evening from a trip staying over in England and Spain with his family -- my step kids, his sister, niece and nephew, etc. It was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. But part of what made it wonderful is that I felt a bit like I had "our" life back for that short time -- being in those surroundings all together as we had done for so many years, we could all imagine he was there with us (and in some way, I know he was).

Yesterday the reality hit -- it hit hard. I felt the most hopeless and apathetic and alone as I have in months. I felt completely disconnected from my life here, including the wonderful people in it. But in my 4:00 am jet-lagged stupor, I did manage to sign up for a challenging photography course (my passion that I haven't been perusing in ages -- Bill was always my biggest cheerleader), and today things looked a little brighter as I purposefully re-engaged into this life I have started without him.

Your message this morning was a wonderful way to kick-start one more new day. Congratulations and thank you for thinking of us. I hope you'll visit again. I wish you and your hubby many, many years of health and happiness.

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