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Oh God, Its That Time AGAIN


Patti B

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I can't believe its already time for another CAT scan. Will be having it on Monday with results on Tuesday morning.

As always, I am so scared. This time I am really worried because I haven't been feeling 100%. Everything that is bothering me can be attributed to others things, i.e., fatigue and SOB could be from Alimta, the coughing could be from this damn drainage I am having that won't go away...and on and on. But they could all be from progression, too. And my last two visits to the PA, my pulse-ox level was low so I am thinking progression here.

The farther out I get from diagnosis, I get more and more scared with each scan. Lets face it, I am Stage 4. I had stupidly asked my first onc how long and he had said 1 year. When I almost dropped over dead from hearing that, he said well, maybe 2 years, you know, if the planets are all in alignment and stuff like that. Well, next month is my 2 year mark. So I am even more scared than ever.

As some of you know from my previous postings, I never tell my husband or my son before I have my scan. Joe drives a 75 foot long car-carrier, he is gone all week every week and I don't want him driving down the road worrying. How could I call him and tell him if its bad news?? Or tell him when he is in a motel at night a couple of states away and then expect him to drive again safely. My girlfriend who takes me to chemo knows, and thats all (except all of you now).

I just can't take this any longer. I am so terrified that the other shoe is getting ready to fall, and fall hard. I am just not ready for that yet!! My Nick has blossomed into such a wonderful kid and he is so happy now and I just don't want him to go back to the angry child he was when I was first diagnosed. Its just not fair to him.

So, if anyone has an extra prayer or two hanging around, I sure could use it.

Hugs to all-

Patti B.

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((((Patti))))

I am thinking of you.... I pray that everything will be ok.. We were always told that tumors had to increase/decrease by 15-20% for them to be deemed progression or regression... even if you have a bit of an increase, its nothing to worry about too much. (I know easy to say, hard to do) Hang in there Girlfriend!!!!!

Shelli

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Patti,Try your best to stop scareing yourself.I know this is much easy said than done.I know I still get crazy at scan time,I think most of us do.Try to live in the moment the best you can and we will deal with Monday and Tuesday when they get here.You have my prayers for good results.(((((Big Hug)))))Mike

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Patti--I'll be thinking about you and your upcoming scan. It will be what it will be and worrying won't change a thing excpet make you miserable from now until then. Of course, that's all good in theory, but we all know the dreaded scananiety so I'll just give you a great big hug so you'll know that we are waiting with you.

((((Patti))))

Susan

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You know you always have my prayers Patti. I am stocked with the big bottle of crazy clue to make sure that shoe stays on. You are understandably worked up and I don't have any wise words about that because I do the same thing myself. But, you have gotten through this before and you certainly can again. And that is what I am praying for. Take lots of deep breaths and try to have a good weekend please.

Your crazy cancer sister

Sandra

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(((((Patti)))))

You can count on my prayers, you know that. Patti, there are a lot of reasons why you might be feeling like you are feelling. You have been going like a house a fire. You are driving all that extra distance to the coumadin clinic and running Nick here and there , teaching him to drive etc. It's summer time and the heat and humidity are a bad combination which put an extra strain on the ole lungs. We know that a side effect of Alimta is SOB and fatigue. Oh my...try not to think bad thoughts ... Think positive. Will be looking for Good results on Tuesday.

Big Hugs,

Sue

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Patti,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Scan's can drive even the toughest people to their breaking point. You are stronger than you know and an inspiration to many here! Try to enjoy your weekend and think postive thoughts and will be sending more your way for good measure!

Dana

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Some times it just feels like we do these darn tests every two weeks or soooooo. OY VEY! I hear you!! :roll:

Deep breathe in, blow it out, one day at a time. Worrying about it NOW isn't going to change a thing other then to spoil your weekend. Go enjoy the weekend and live just for TODAY!! It will be what it will be and THEN when you learn the results you deal with WHATEVER at that time. OKAY? Okay!! :wink:

Your always in my prayers each and ever day. Today is Another Great Day To Be Alive!!!!!!

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Patti, I had to scroll for what felt like FOREVER to get to the end of your list of well wishers. I do believe firmly in all that positive energy being generated your way. And let me ask you, do you think a woman who was really sick could do all that digging in the garden and run around and be mom to boot?

Glad I got back to see your post. We will all be here waiting and rooting for you on Monday and Tuesday.

Judy in Key West

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Hi Patti,

I understand how worried you must be, but you need to heed the advice that you have so often offered to others on this board. You need to relax, don't over think it, and see what's what on Tuesday. I know, I'm making it sound so simple. But, you and I both know that we can worry and stress ourselves out for no reason what so ever. Wait and see.

I am wishing you all the best,

Gail

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Patti - I will definitely be thinking of you tomorrow and thinking positive thoughts your way. Coincidentally, I had my PET today and am getting results tomorrow (am also on Alimta) and can totally relate to what you said. Every time I have a scan I seem to have more pain the few days before I get the results. Each time it turns out o.k. But like you I am playing the odds as I'm hitting 2 3/4 years and know one of these times it won't be so good. BUT I keep telling myself it's not going to be THIS time!!! So tell yourself the same!

Marcia

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