Memory Boxes

[SandraL]

Good morning all. I wanted to share the significant sense of accomplishment from having updated my kids "memory boxes" this weekend. I have kept lots of baby and growing up memorabilia for them over the years..baby photo albums, newspaper from date of birth, baby cards, baptism and first communion memories, other photos, ribbons and badges while growing up etc. etc. I am sure many of you other parents out there have done the same. But all this was in a few various places etc. and in recently redoing their entire rooms I found many more items for those boxes. So I gathered all these items together, and bought 2 huge storage boxes and organized all their memory items and packed them up. With room to conveniently add many more items.

I am so pleased to have finished this. I know now that they can go through those boxes one, ten, twenty and fifty years from now and know that they were loved and cared for deeply when they were young. My son's items were all laid out when I was doing this and he poured through the items for hours. I have labeled many things where memories may fade over the years. Both of my kids never tire of hearing about their birth and what they were like as babies.

While I was maintaining memory items for many years, updating them now with my health was very important to me. If anyone else out there is able to share anything special they have done for their kids, now or before their diagnosis, I would love to hear it.

Sandra

[jaminkw]

Sandra, you know they say "great minds move in the same channels." I have long ago given similar memorabilia boxes to my grown children. But still digesting the death of a friend, yesterday I recalled that when I spoke with him last he joked about going through his things and getting rid of incriminating letters. I thought about how I would want to leave my things. I have been hoarding papers I've written, letters I've received, journals I kept years ago and thought about what would happen to them when I'm gone. I don't think my husband or children would have the patience to weed through them so I think I'll start.

My memorabilia would not serve any purpose but to let someone "better" know me, so I will probably label it for my grandson in the picture with the dolphin on family albums. He and I talked recently about the broad similarities in our backgrounds. I have no evidence of any family on my father's side beyond him, my aunt and crazy grandmother. She destroyed any evidence that would help us get any information about her or my grandfather's background and it's always saddened me. My grandson had a criminal father who may have been Korean and my grandson said he's mad because "I could have a whole family in Korea who doesn't even know I exist." He's nine and I think he already sounds like a person who would appreciate things I left behind.

Judy in Key West

[Muriel]

That's a great idea. Better to start it, as you did, before the kids get too old. Our youngest son did that for us about 10 years ago (when he was 30). In addition to a box for himself and each of his brothers, he had boxes for us, my family, Con's family, houses, cars, and group pictures that could go into more than one box. It took him a long time. He also had a stack of pictures of people he couldn't identify - some of which we couldn't either!

Judy, I'll bet you could track down more of your father's family. Start with him, the aunt and G'ma and look in census data for the 30's. If you have any idea where they might have lived, you can narrow down the search to those states. I think it's doable.

Muriel

[jaminkw]

Muriel, Thanks. I'll pass that info on to my oldest sister who has done most of the searching to date. I don't remember her mentioning census data. I'm pretty sure they've always been in NJ and I think there are newspaper articles about the industrial fire where my grandfather was killed so that would provide a time-frame. I know my dad and aunt were young when he died.

Judy in Key West

[recce101]

There's one thing about cancer that could be thought of as a plus -- it usually gives us a chance to plan our exit. In that regard, it beats a sudden stroke or getting hit by the proverbial bus. And for those of us who become longtime survivors and eventually die of something else, we've had a wakeup call and a unique opportunity not given to most.

Aren't we lucky?!!

Aloha,

Ned

[jaminkw]

Ned, and I thought I could put a positive spin on anything! LOL

Judy in Key West

[Patti B]

This past winter, I organized lots and pictures in our family album. I have tons and tons of Nick swimming, and he decided he wanted them all in a separate album (turned out to be more like three of them). It was an exhausting job but I did it on my bed watching TV and really did have a couple of good cries and many aaaahhhhhhs. I also went through all the video tapes we have and labeled them (most of them are of Nick swimming, too). It turned out to be very rewarding and now when I develop pics, I just put them in the next page instead of chiding myself for being so far behind!!!

Patti B.

[Wendy]

I have been gathering items for my kids for the "in case" i'm not around box.

I have put together books of my kids school pictures making one book for their memory and then a small book that they can give to there children someday to share.

I have made small books that include some of my favorite quotes for my kids, hubby, sister and mom. I am still working on these.

I have picked up small little tokens that I can give to my kids when they get married, have their first child, birthday milestones, mothers day, fathers day, etc. I am still working on this type of stuff. I want to give them some encouragement/thoughts/advise along with the items but I am really having trouble starting this.

I would rather just be around for these special events.......and lord willing I will be to pass them on in person.

Wendy

[MarGre]

I've done the same thing you have and ended up with two large plastic bins for my son and daughter each; that's after really weeding it down! Since dx 2+ years ago I've been fortunate enough to take some major trips with my family. Two trips to Europe and one with my 13 year old daughter to her birthplace of South Korea. I take tons of photos, and after each trip I assembled a scrapbook including money, tokens, tickets, photos, etc. I typed up stories and descriptions of our travels. These will help the kids when I'm gone to focus on the better times and to know that despite having cancer we squeezed a lot of fun out of those years.

The other thing I've done is create a "List of Things". It contains photos and histories of items throughout the house. I have a lot of family heirlooms and items I have made including quilts and baskets. I describe the history and significance of each item. Hopefully this way the kids will have more appreciation for these things when they someday belong to them. I'd have to come back from the grave to set things right if my applique quilt ended up in a garage sale!

I agree w/Ned - I prefer having warning to do things like this and prepare my kids.

We have a good friend whose husband took off on his motorcycle two years ago. His ashes came back in a box to his family a week later, killed suddenly on the road. He left unfinished business, his affairs weren't in order, and it took his wife a long time just get get the paperwork and legal stuff straightened out. His kids didn't see him set out so they never said goodbye. I'd rather not go, but prefer this way to no warning.

Marcia

[blueeye]

Wow...what great things you guys have done. I am now doing these things "after the fact" as I clean out my parents' house. I know that organizing it all was on my Mom's to do list...bless you all.

Leslie

[nikkala]

I would just like to add that my mom did this for me when she got LC. After she passed I received the box and will always treasure it. Not just because of what's in it but because she took the time to do it for me. You parents sure are wonderful.

[CaroleHammett]

I have taken "memory trips" with my grandchildren and with my mother and daughter. The photos taken are now on DVDs as slide shows, and of course, I bought memorabilia at Disneyland, etc.

I read somewhere last year of a mother who wrote letters to her daughters prior to her death to be given to them upon their graduations from high school, marriages, and births of their first children, etc.

I plan to complete more photo slide shows (a scanner project) and am also working on genealogical histories. Unfortunately, these and letters to my all my closer relatives are all still on the back burner as I continue to get side-tracked by "real life" (including attendance at my grandson's football game last Friday night and my granddaughter's volleyball game last night).

Affectionately,

Carole

In 1960, Americans spent 17.5 percent of their income on food and 5.2 percent on health care. Today, they spend 9.9 percent on food and 16 percent on health care.