One year ago...memories are flooding in.

[wondermom]

It will be one year ago tomorrow that my loving mom passed away. It seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at the same time. How can that be?

Today is also my Dad's birthday. I remember thinking last year that my mom waited for my dad...so she wouldn't pass on his birthday. Today we had a get together in which my entire family on both my mom and dad's sides celebrated not only my dad's birthday but also remembered my mom. It was nice to have everyone over to enjoy mom's flower garden and the pond she worked so hard to beautify. It was supposed to be cloudy and cold with a 60% chance of rain. Instead we had the most beautiful day. The sun was shining and not a drop of rain fell upon us. Before everyone came today we went to the cemetary to visit mom and say a prayer. Then we got home and watched a slide show I had made last Christmas with pictures and voice clips of my mom and our family. It was bittersweet.

Last year at this time we were settling in for sleep in my mom's hospital room. We knew the time was nearing when she would no longer be with us and none of us wanted to miss those final moments with her. We took turns holding her hand and just sitting with her while she slept. The next morning I knew that the time had come and that this was going to be the day we would have to say goodbye. Her breathing had changed somehow and her heart was beating so fast I could see it through her gown. I just knew...

As I said in my post here after she died, when she took her final breath, it truely took our breath away too. Even though we knew what was happening, I don't think any of us ever wanted to give up hope. No matter how grim things seemed. I remember when we went home that afternoon, my brother in law took the oxygen out of the house. It was so final. Seeing the tanks sitting there, I just couldn't beleive she wasn't coming home.

So much has changed now. So many things have happend. Constant reminders that mom will never be there to give her advice, share in our joys and sadness, and just be present in our world.

I think overall we are all doing pretty well. It is just hard to think back to those final days and how much mom suffered. I don't think I will ever forget it. I have so many thoughts going through my mind tonight. So many vivid memories of those final days.

Thanks for being here. Thanks for listening.

Jill

[Kasey]

Oh Jill, I remember you, your loving posts, and your beautiful mother. I will remember her too, and offer some prayers for you and your family. I am sorry she is absent in the flesh for you all, but know she is ever pesent in spirit and will never be forgotten.

Kasey

[tnmynatt]

((((((Jill)))))

[MsC1210]

Thinking of you today, Jill

Warm Hugs,

((((Jill))))

Christine

[blueeye]

Jill,

I am in tears...I too remember my Mom's final days, day, hour, minute and breath. I feel your pain and I so understand. I relive those last moments of both of my parents so many times. I hope you find peace today. Somehow, someway remember the love you shared and hold in your heart.

Leslie

[fillise]

Think of you today. . .

((((Hugs))))

Susan

[sharyn]

jill, I am a day late... but my thoughts are no less sincere.... I am thinking of you.... Love, Sharon xx

[teriw]

(((Jill)))

Those annivesaries and memories flooding back are so difficult. I hope some of the beautiful memories of your beautiful mom worked their way in yesterday.

Thinking of you...

[lc46]

Jill-I understand about the last breath taking your breath away. I felt the same way with my Mom-we sat with her for those last couple hours and talked to her (even though she was not coherent) until she took that final breath. My Mom has only been gone not even 3 months and I feel like she is going to call me everytime the phone rings and that I haven't seen her in a lifetime.....it's all so surreal

Wishing you much peace strength and comfort.

Dar

[Nick C]

Jill, I remember all of that time. And I remember that post. Hoping for peace for you.