KaytieP Posted September 22, 2008 Share Posted September 22, 2008 To follow up on the "children who have lost their parents too soon" post. First of all, this should probably be filed under Anticipatory Grief, Subset-Rage, so I'm not sure if this is the right category, but I don't think Family & Caregivers is the appropriate place, either. Fortunately, my mother is still here, nearly two years after diagnosis. However, she has just failed second line treatment, and I've found I'm feeling the grief that I did when she was first diagnosed, with a lot of extra RAGE! thrown in. Aside from the obvious fact that lung cancer sucks, it's very isolating being an adult, but someone who is considerably younger than most people who are dealing with their parents' life-threatening illnesses (not on this board, but in everyday life). I'm still at an age where people take their parents very much for granted. I often hear friends and coworkers complaining about their parents being too intrusive, indulging the grandkids too much , or buying insufficient gifts for their birthday. When the subject of losing parents early comes up (from myself, in the news, from an older friend/co-worker, etc.), I've heard so many of my friends respond with, "Wow, I'm so sorry for your loss. I would be devastated. I'm so lucky my parents have excellent genes for longevity, so I won't have to deal with that for a long time." My mother never smoked and had 3 of 4 grandparents live into their 90s. Do you think anybody expected her to be diagnosed with Stage IIIb lung cancer at 59? And if they did, would it make the reality of the diagnosis less painful? I'm not sure why that one makes my insane, but it does. One of the most painful parts of this disease, for me, is seeing and realizing what it is cheating both of my parents out of. Neither will get to have a "normal" retirement. Their friends and siblings are at an age where they are retiring or slowing down at work, and traveling, playing golf, buying RVs, etc. My parents have gone nowhere - earlier because no one wanted to plan too far ahead, now also because the heavy-duty treatments my mother has been on for two years has taken a toll (luckily she's never been sick or hospitalized, but she moves like she's 80). They were finally at the point where they were financially somewhat comfortable at the time of mom's diagnosis, and have made no major purchases since. Part of that is my mom being disability with astronomical medical costs, but also there is the uncertainty. My sister's children, who my mother takes so much joy in, are so young that they will have no memory of her. My father, who got married at 22 and has never really lived alone his whole life, will be a widower in his early 60s. And aside from that, it is Pink Ribbon Time (which, I have noticed, now actually starts the month before Breast Cancer Awareness Month). Gah, too long of a rant. I know many of you have similar stories, and many have even more challenging situations, but I just had to vent. There are few places in "real life" where so many people understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.