anger- caution- before you read.

[shrimp]

I am so angry today over everything that happened with Dads illness and all the infomation that was witheld from us. We didn't even have a week during the 8 week process where we could talk. Just moments here and there. And when I think of the pain he went through- rehab for bone mets to the arm and spine. I can still hear him yelling as they tried to put a shirt on him or stand him up. How much our observations were ignored. HOW MUCH DAD HAD TO SUFFER.

[SandraL]

I can certainly empathize with your anger shrimp. Nobody should have to suffer as your dad did. And it all just happened way too fast. I am sure you are just beginning to take it all in. My heart goes out to you.

Sandra

[Patti B]

(((((Shrimp)))))

I know that no words can help you right now - just know that all of us here understand this. The medical profession sure isn't like back on those old TV shows like Marcus Welby, is it???? I myself am ticked off at my doc - I just don't understand it sometimes.

Please know we are all here for you - vent away and we will listen.

Hugs to yoy - Patti B.

[shrimp]

I can only do this at intervals because it hurts so much. I don't think I should have had to be the one to tell my father how bad his cancer was. Why wasn't any of this explained to either of my parents? Why were pain meds withheld, or he was told so often-It isn't time yet! We were promised he would not have pain, then pretty much ignored. The only Dr that seemed interested was our family Dr.When we broght something up-He couldn't breath, I had to almost beg for O2, constantly on them about pain and sleeping meds because he would go 2-3 days without sleep; his numbeness and difficulty swallowing-never tested,just sent to rehab. And he was going to be sent home that AM because the Dr was unaware of either problem. This had been going for 2-3 days. The nurses kept saying it was from the bedrest for his clots. He would be fine when PT got him up and moving. HA!

[shrimp]

Why, when high calcium is a side effect of this cancer, did our calls to the oncs. about his hallucinations and combative behavior lead to nothing but taking away his pain meds. They never said, bring him in.This was the beginning of his inability to sleep. And after he was in the hospital, he remembered a lot of it. He would say-"There are a lot of things that happened last week that I don't want to remember" or" I can remember some things I said or did that weren't very nice." And no matter what we said, this was heavy on his mind. Because we weren't listened to! Not to mention the pneumonia-I had had to beg for O2 for him the week before. It wasn't just the lung cancer-he had pneumonia! NOT LISTENING!! NOT CARING!!

[sharyn]

First of all... continue to vent... SCREAM do whatever you need to do to get all this out...

You will find yourself reliving so much of what happened to your Daddy. You will find yourself walking down the what if... how come... path more than once.

I still walk down it myself though not nearly as often as I did when he first passed.

The main thing you need to remember is that YOU did everything you were suppose to do... YOU did not drop the ball... YOU were there for your Daddy... and most of all YOU can't beat yourself up for what others didn't do.

I think venting the way you are will in the long run be very healthy for you... Your Dad's passing is so recent, you are still raw and emotions are running at warp speed. We are here for you!! Love, Sharon xx

[shrimp]

Part of me knows you are right, but I still think I could of done more, been more aggresive, somehow made these people listen. My mind is just going in circles today.

[Caren]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way (((Shrimp)) .....My heart goes out to you!

[blueeye]

I too am sorry that you are feeling this way. I have these feelings about my Mom and her care and my mind goes round and round. I also begged for O2 and did some other shady things for her comfort since I have connections at the hospital.

But the "what ifs" and "could ofs" won't bring them back or lessen the suffering that they endured.

I debated on meeting with her oncologist for several months but I have finally decided to just let it (and her) rest. What is done, is done.

Your Dad knows that you did your best and I'm sure that he is proud of you.

I wish you peace and send you hugs. Vent away...that's why we're here.

Leslie

[shrimp]

It's a shame people in this predicament have to resort to shady things to help their loved ones not suffer.We all do what we have to do, when we can't get the help we need.

[shrimp]

Thank you all for being there for me today. I am feeling calmer. It feels good to have a place to go to where people understand.

[shrimp]

I finally realized why today was rough. It's Wednesday. Before Dad got sick, I spent that day with my parents. I would go shopping with Mom. Sometimes Dad would meet us for lunch. Then when my husband got off work, he would come by my parents and we all went out to dinner. I will miss that very much.

[SandraL]

Vent away shrimp. I think you experienced a very poor medical experience. I think sometimes LC patients are not treated as compassionately as they should be and that is a terrible shame. I remember being in the hospital when I was first diagnosed. If I started to cry you have never seen nurses run so fast to give you atavan and run very fast the other way. And the way the doctor told me I had LC left a lot to be desired. No compassion whatsoever. You could let all that you went through go. If if was me I could not. I would feel a great need to give those so called medical professionals some feedback in whatever way possible. They need to know how what they do or don't do can hurt so much. And maybe just maybe it might help the next patient they encounter. I am sure some of them get "numb" to compassion after many years but it still doesn't make it right. I sure hope you start to feel a bit better soon.

Sandra

[RandyW]

let it all out dont keep it inside you or you wil go mad!!! and remember the most important thing of all of thie is......

Cancer can take everything away except for the love and the memories and those are the most important thing we have left!!!!!!!

[shrimp]

I want to go back in time a little to what I consider a missed opportunity to diagnose Dads cancer. I don't know if it was better we didn't find it then or not. In April of this year Dad had a ruptured appendix. He has always had a high pain tolerance, so I guess that is why I get so upset that he was allowed to hurt. He was never one to complain. He was allergic to all local anesthetics. He had a lot of procedures-like a root canal and toe nail removal- with no sedation or local numbing. So he waited a long time before he went to the hospital. We almost lost him in the ER because he was septic. They were unable to close his incision for over a week, due to swelling and infection. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks. He complained of being short of breath a lot and was on O2 for awhile. His chest x ray showed "A shadow" but this was not pursued.Even after he got home, he was still breathless. But he started a walking program, to build up his lung capacity. He pushed himself, trying to walk up what he referred to as heart break hill. His goal was to be able to make it to the top without stopping.He couldn't understand why he didn't get better. Again, the Dr's didn't listen or investigate. "You've been through a lot and you're not young anymore." The ball was dropped.I don't know if it would have made much difference or not.

[shrimp]

I feel better today. I don't know at this point what I want to do about the level of care my Dad received. My emotions can still get out of control. But I would like to make sure this doesn't happen to someone else. I know there will be more days like yesterday. And I know I can come here for help. Thank you all soooo much!

[Nick C]

Anger is normal...because the situation warrants it.

Maybe we focus on differnt things and our experiences are different, but the anger is common.

[phylsgirl]

"SandraL"]Vent away shrimp. I think you experienced a very poor medical experience. I think sometimes LC patients are not treated as compassionately as they should be and that is a terrible shame. I remember being in the hospital when I was first diagnosed. If I started to cry you have never seen nurses run so fast to give you atavan and run very fast the other way. And the way the doctor told me I had LC left a lot to be desired. No compassion whatsoever. You could let all that you went through go. If if was me I could not. I would feel a great need to give those so called medical professionals some feedback in whatever way possible. They need to know how what they do or don't do can hurt so much. And maybe just maybe it might help the next patient they encounter. I am sure some of them get "numb" to compassion after many years but it still doesn't make it right. I sure hope you start to feel a bit better soon.

Sandra

I have to agree with this wholeheartedly. Although I have nothing but kudos for my mom's oncologist and neurosurgeon I cannot say that about some of the other doctors and medical personnel my family had to deal with mainly in terms of "bedside manner" . It seems like doctors don't know how to deliver bad news to family members.

Another thing is it seems the minute you bring someone into the ER and they hear a lung cancer dx the first thing they want to do is administer morphine or some other drug. I don't know how many times my family and I had to make it crystal clear we don't want or need morphine right now, that time is not here and now we are here for another reason, ie blood clot, etc)

Also another thing is talking over the patient about them. Isn't it common knowledge that even if you THINK a patient cannot hear, that the hearing is the last to go they might be albe to hear. It seems to me patients with this disease aren't really respected enough by some not all medical personnel they way another type of cancer patient is.

My grams actually told one doctor, " don't come near my daughter again". She was too through with that particular doctor.

For the most part I believe my mom got the best care she could receive given her dx, but with this disease (any one for that matter) one has to stay on top of things and advocate strongly there is a bias I believe by some, not all, members of the medical community.

I hope you feel better Shrimp