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Depression.


Caren

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Things are very hard for us at the moment. I am sure that my dad is suffering depression and I have spoken to him about this and offered to seek help from a counselor, but he's not interested in doing this.

I have offered to set up a one day a week trip to Hospice, so that he can get to socialise and have some fun (I have been told by a friend who's husband used the Hospice day centre that he really enjoyed it), but again, he's not interested.

I have spoken to him about pain, as I thought that maybe he's in more pain than he's letting on, but he assures me that the pain is under control.

What worries me the most is that he has started showing signs of confusion again. This was one of the first symptoms of his last infection (and 5 day stay in hospital). He has also been coughing a lot more than usual. I have commented on the coughing and said that we should maybe take him to see the GP today, just to have a check up. But again, he's not interested.

I don't know what to do, how to feel, or where to turn for support.....I'm lost and I feel that I'm losing my dad before he's gone :(

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(((Caren)))

I know that no words can help you right now but know that we are here for you and thinking of you.

My heart goes out to you that you and your dad are going through this. Just continue to be there for him and show him love. He is so lucky to have you by his side.

Hugs - Patti B.

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Most of us survivors suffered with depression at least for sometime during out treatment. Can you ask his doctor for a prescription for a pill for it? It may "pick" him up enough to do other things as that day care to help. Exercise also helps some, just taking a walk.

Donna G

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Caren, I believe that dealing with a loved one who is depressed is one of the most difficult life situations. And it sounds like your Dad is severely depressed. My experience has been that there is nothing you can do during these time beyond taking good care of yourself. That means having a place to vent and getting out and finding pleasant distractions for yourself. You can't stay in that dark place with him all the time or you'll do yourself harm. Unless and until your dad becomes "interested" in something, anything again, there is really nothing you can do directly for him. I agree with Donna that medication can help but even there, he has to agree to take it.

Hang in there.

Judy in Key West

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It might be time for you to take charge and talk to his doctor's and see what steps you can take to make these last days as comfortable for him and all around him as possible. Talk to a Social worker or contact hospice. I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound to me like your wonderful dad is in any condition to make major decissions.

Your dad is hoenstly from what you say, sitting there waiting to die. :( That's very VERY hard on the family and even through he doesn't know it, it's hard on him too.

Make some phone calls to the doctor's, his Onc Doc, who ever. They will direct you in the RIGHT direction and they can also get you off the hook for (feeling like the bad guy)! Your doing all you can because you love him, now you need a little help.

Take care.

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I know what this is like because I went thru it with my dad too.

They won't ask for help...and like Connie says...just waiting....

It is time for you to take some control. I don't know what your dad would respond to, but I tried everything with mine. I would fill him with hopeful stories, I would plan things to keep him busy (even if he just layed on the sofa, things were going on around him) Even when he said he didn't feel well to go out or visit people, I brought people to him in short visits. I would change foods often to break the routine, and talk about "regular" things and try to engage him. I took the advice of doctors and asked for medication to help him with anxiety (even though he never mentioned to me he was depressed or had anxiety- ANYONE would be in this situation!) I asked for meds to help him sleep because rest was very important and if I couldn't shut of my mind, I couldn't imagine what his mind was filled with....

You are doing all that you can- It is time to talk with the medical team about other options to help your dad thru what he is going thru right now.

You are a wonderful daughter and I bet your dad thinks so too...sometimes it helps to have support for yourself and advice from the professionals on what to do next.

Hang in there...I know it's hard, but we are here for you.

Keep us posted.

(((hug)))

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I just want you to know Karen, my heart goes out to you as I know how helpless you must be feeling.

I really hope that he changes his mind and accept help.

Meanwhile, we have strong shoulders on here and we are always here for you.

Maryanne

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I would like to thank everyone for their continued support (((HUGS)))

I tried to talk with my dad yesterday, but he won't accept the fact that he's feeling down and really doesn't want me to seek any help with this.

I feel that if I do speak to the GP on his behalf and this is mentioned to my dad, then the already tense atmosphere will only get worse for us.

I am going to just try my hardest to keep his spirits up and see how that goes.

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While we were in with the Oncologist on Monday, I 'slyly' gave the nurse a nod in the direction of the door and she declared that she would like to speak with me. This worked a treat b/c my dad thought that it was her wanting me and not visa versa. So, I gave her a very brief description of how things had been at home. So, when we went back in she broached the subject by saying that she thinks he's looking a little depressed. The Onc then went on the explain Reactive depression and that there is help there should my dad decided to take it.

When we left he mentioned it to me, but seriously thought that she had called me out of the room to ask my opinion.

Anyway, after hearing of the reduction in the tumour, my dad's spirit has really lifted. He's up and about and even took a walk to the shop alone yesterday. That's the first time alone in over a month and the first time at all in almost two weeks.

He is less snappy with the children and a lot more talkative with us. :)

So, for now, we are just going to let things ride and hope that he continues to improve with this :)

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