Feeling Alone and Scared

[Marci]

Hi All,

I have been away from the computer last week and this week thus far taking my mom back and forth to radiation everyday and taking care of her. Also, taking care of all other things. The last couple of days I have been feeling very down and depressed. I feel anger, sadness, everything wrapped up in one. One minute feeling one than the other. I am resentful at my mother's siblings also. Through out this whole journey no one has called on myself or my brother to see how we are coping everyday. Everyone just retreats to their own little house and it seems they feel sorry for themselves and just ignore us only speak to us when making arrangements for rides for my mother and all and then to speak of how tired they are with work etc. I just can't believe this. This is the most difficult thing myself and my brother will probably ever go through and yet no one is there. My stepfather whom is my brothers biological father is in the picture but barely. What I mean by that is he was never an over emotional person in fact I would say until my mom married him and changed him he was emotionally challenged due to his upbringing not showing love etc. I just feel like I am in this alone and my brother as well. I am so tired lately too just not taking care of myself barely making it to work and just feel our whole lives are such a mess. So scared to lose to her I feel its coming. She has alot of pain and most days is bedridden except for the struggling to the doctors.

Marci

[Nick C]

I'm so sorry, it is a lonely situation to be in...sometimes it is more lonely even with all the people you have around because they aren't living up to what you need.

I thinnk a lot of people here get it.

[Patti B]

(((((Marci)))))

I am so sorry. Wish there was something I could do to help you.

Please remember to take care of yourself, too. You can't help your mom if you are sick.

Hugs - Patti B.

[Larry's Wife]

((((Marci)))) I so get what you are saying. This happened in my family, too. From what I gathered, I found this is an all too common experience in caregiving. Knowing this did not make it any easier to go, through. I'm praying for you and your family.

Lynn

[SandraL]

Hi Marci. I am so sorry for all you are going through and the lack of support from other family members. Others sometimes just do not recognize what others are going through and seem to do the selfish thing and only think of themselves. Hopefully it will occur to them soon that you as a primary caregiver and loving daughter are doing through so much as well. In the meantime I wish you strength in continuing to support your mom. You will have nothing to regret. Take good care

Sandra

[sharyn]

Marci,

This journey will be filled with so many emotions... some good, some bad, some happy and some sad. Learn to feel each one of them and realize by dealing with them, you are facing this journey head on. I will say a prayer for you and Mom. Love, Sharon

[Ry]

Marci-

This is the hardest time-- it will get better. I know it doesn't seem like it but the radiation will end and I am willing to bet it will end with good results. I also had a lot of resentment towards people that weren't there for me or for John. I remember one day a relative was complaining about her bad day which was losing a bid on a condo. I said. "I'll trade you my day for yours any day"-- as you can imagine she got the message. Hang in there - we've all been there, we understand.

[Marci]

Thank you so much for your posts, I really needed it.

Marci

[Yorktown Linda]

Marci,

Sorry you've been going through so much. I've been very lucky (or as lucky as someone with this disease can be.)

Just about the time my second surgery was scheduled, my husband's company offered a very generous early retirement package. Since the package included 4 years of medical insurance -- I'm medicare eligible next year -- it was a no-brainer. While Stu may look for some part-time consulting work, he's basically home and looking after me.

I can't imagine this burdern falling on my daughters. One is 29 and lives at home with a chronic medical condition. No way she could shoulder my illness also. My other daughter is 26 and has just left the nest. She does come home frequently, and has been here if my husband needed to travel, but I want to watch her spread her wings not tie her to me.

Is there anyway you could get a home health aide or visiting nurse for your mom and just get away for a few days to love and refresh yourself?

So sorry you have to go through this. Sounds like your aunt is a real selfish b**ch. Doesn't she realize what's going on? Maybe you could write to her, rather than listening to her virtiol on the phone, and just explain what your situation really is.

But, then again, if she doesn't want to listen, she won't.

Keeping you in my thoughts,

Linda