It's Been One Week.... And I Need A New Routine

[Lillee0708]

Its been one week since my Dad has passed. I think the numbness and shock is over now. I finally REALLY cried for the first time since that night. I know there will be many more to come. Today I have to go to his job and discuss his 401K plan and how we are going to withdraw it. Some things I have been thinking about....and I would appriciate any feedback....are how his life insurance from work was cancelled when he went on disability. I thought it should have continued because he was still insured under the COBRA policy. I spoke to my Grandfather about it, who has been handling the social secrurity and custody papers with my sister, and he said no, there are right. So many people I spoke to disagree. It's hard to imagine a company who my father worked for 28 years would try to pull something over our heads.

I go back to work tomorrow which I am dreading. The hardest time comes after dinner when I would usually go visit Dad in the hospice. I live by a routine that has been forever broken. I think I might start going to the gym with my husband....he boxes. That surely would get some frustrations out! LOL I hope no one look down on me when I say this, but I am still smoking. I figured that after sitting watching my Dad go through this I would have quit. But theres that stupid routine again. Howvever, I have set a quit date.....January 16, 2009. That is my Dad and I's Birthday.

[Marci]

Hi Lillee,

I feel your pain and know what you mean about a routine. My mom has not passed and yet I miss all things already we used to do and share. I dread the actual day it really comes to pass. I know what you mean about smoking, I am having such hard time with that myself. You would think seeing all this would have made us quit - but yes your right its our routines. In our own time we will overcome it. You need to be patient with yourself and not be hard on yourself. I was told by a therapist a while back that while you are going through something very tough try not to change too much all at once b/c you will be overwhelmed. I wish you luck in your quitting though and yes maybe going to the gym would be a great diversion. I bought myself a bike in the hopes of riding when I feel I need to escape my thoughts. Now is the time to be good to yourself and baby yourself a little. Buy yourself something - I know $$$ is tight for most now but splurge a little maybe a piece of gym equipment or something else to keep you busy. Just a thought. I wish you peace and strength through out this difficult time.

Marci

[Nick C]

Re: the insurance, Life coverage through work is typically not paid by the employee unless they elect additional coverage during open enrollment, if it was just the company sponsored coverage I would think at the option of the company that coverage could come and go...now the differentiation between being employed and out on disability...I don't know if typically that entitles you to all the rigths and privleges of the rest of the employees or not.

Re: Shock and numbness...it's only been a week...things may change many times for you, don't feel like you need to be on a timetable...it's tough and unpredictable

Re; the gym, a very healthy way to fill your time.

Re: Smoking...not your fault...it's a very hard habit to break. Don't we all do things we KNOW aren't good for us...Heck, I just had a piece of cold pizza...I know I should be having an apple...But anyone here would encourage you when you do go down the path of quitting.