Marci Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Hi All, Me again, feel like I've been posting and posting my stuff but I just need to let out some stuff. After coming down to my apartment from a long evening at my mom's taking care of her I had a few drinks to calm my nerves and to just destress for a little while. Believe me I know thats not the answer but I had just broken down. I had made a phone call to my aunt(my mom's sister) and had broken down on the phone crying and I guess you would say carrying on about losing my mother to this disease. I had mentioned to her that I felt that my aunts were not there and that no ones gives us a call to see how we are doing nothing and in return I got told off by the end of the conversation about how my brother and I are not the only ones going throught this and that she cannot be our mother. I wasn't looking for a new mother I was looking for comfort and reassurance to get back up and fight. Our mother is sick so we don't have that pivotal person anymore. My brother and I are suffering so much trying to function with no one there for us. Is this how cruel it is for everyone? I know I must sound like a broken record but is this what I should expect going forward from people? I feel crazy over this just lost like a child even though I am 36 I feel lost. Marci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Oh Marci. I am so sorry for what you are going through right now but I think "lost" at times is perfectly normal. You like others will get through those down times and bounce back. But every once in awhile both us survivors and caregivers just need to let it out. And hey, having a few drinks is perfectly okay too. I have never been a crier in my life, I consider myself the rock of my family. But I have to tell you I have cried a few times through this, and once I allow myself to do that, I do feel better, I feel like I can breathe. I am also saddened to hear that you and your brother as caregivers are not receiving the support you deserve and need. Sadly I think that is very common. As most people focus their thoughts on the patient and have difficulty realizing what the primary caregivers are going through. So although it is very disappointing, do not be too hard on them. They simply just do not get it, particularly if they have not lived through a similar experience themselves. My husband went through a life debilitating illness over 5 years ago. And for a few years I was a full time mother, wife, caregiver and career woman. During that time there were not too many people who asked me how I was doing. And that is just natural, most were very concerned about my husband's health. But boy, do I remember breaking down and crying when my husband's grampa phoned one night, and actually asked me how I was doing. I had never been asked that before. I think sometimes older people who have lived through more actually get it. So that is why there are support groups and support boards like this. It gives people like you an opportunity to communicate with people who get it. So I get it, and I feel for you, and I can only tell you that you will get through it. It's so tough though but you will have some good days too. I hope today is better. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hope4life Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Even though you may be 36, I don't think it's ever easy for anyone to ever deal with, no matter what age. I am sorry you feel alone as you go through this terrible journey. I am 30 and I feel like both me and my mother are both too young to be dealing with this. This is a horrible, horrible (HORRIBLE...H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E) disease that never in a million years thought would happen to my mom (never smoker). It's ok to post on here as often as you need...that's what this forum is here for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 Marci, I am so sorry you and your brother are having to go through this with your mother. I am also very sorry you are feeling let down by your family. Take it from an older woman, disappointments in people are an inevitable part of life. There were times I thought I'd never get over being let down in some situation or other, but I always did. We are amazingly resilient beings. But I know it doen't feel like that when it's happening. Hang in there. It sounds trite but this too will pass. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 My suggestion is, you and your brother have each other to lean on and if it were me I would do so. This IS a family disease and sadly enough it very well may be hard for your mom's sister too. I don't know your family's ins and outs. None the less, this is a very emotional time for everyone and emotions run hot and cold. Try not to judge anyone at this time. Everyone handles things differently. Find someone who gives you comfort and try and stay away from the negatives. Not all family members are supportive. It is what it is. When I went through this with my mom, SOME of her siblings were only worried about who was getting what household items when she passed away. I just rolled with the people that gave me support and comfort and I stayed clear of those that didn't. Consider this a growing lesson for you. Shocking but I've heard worse! Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted November 7, 2008 Author Share Posted November 7, 2008 Thanks for letting me vent guys. I appreciate all of you so much. Marci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I am 36 also and I remember feeling so lost at the time of my mom's diagnosis. I remember feeling like how can people be smiling and acting happy when our lives were in chaos. Your feelings are totally normal. I am sorry about your aunt. It is just never an easy situation for anyone. You are not alone in your feelings though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry's Wife Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Marci, let me say that your situation speaks volumes to me. I would like to share something very painful with you. Larry's oldest daughter and I were the primary caretakers. About two hours before Larry died, she walked out. Packed her bags and left. Quite unexpectedly, he passed. I called her to let her know. She didn't answer the phone, "Hi". She answered it, "Dad died, didn't he?". And she told me that she was so grateful that she wasn't there to see it happen. She could not have handled that. So she wasn't there. By the grace of God, she wasn't there... I know it's hard. Larry's younger daughter rarely helped. Because she couldn't handle it. It took me a while to realize it, but some people are not strong enough to go through this. And some people find mountains of strength they never knew they had. Marci, I pray you will find mountains of strength. And I also pray that you will find forgiveness for those in your family who don't. Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat127 Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 "Larry's Wife"] And some people find mountains of strength they never knew they had.Marci, I pray you will find mountains of strength. And I also pray that you will find forgiveness for those in your family who don't. I find these words tremendously moving, and will remind myself of them during this journey. Thank you Lynn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Lynn is soooo wise. I found the same thing--some can handle it and some can't. Praying for the mountain of strength for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marci Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 Thank you all for posting and keeping me strong. You all give me strength here. Its funny my mom through this whole thing knows whats up and her I discussed that certain people are not there and not compassionate and she told me how do you think I became so strong on my own. So now I know I must find the strength myself. Thank you to Larry's wife for the post of mountain of strength, now I visualize it myself and I am sorry you had to endure the heartache you are going through too. Marci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Good for you Marci. It is at times like this that we find out what we are really made of. You are strong and you will do an awesome job in supporting your mom. Take care Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 Marci, I'm so glad you talked to your mom about this. I bet her validating your feelings about nonsupportive family members really helped you a lot. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.