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Pain Pops Up In The Strangest Places.....


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In December, Dennis will have been gone for six years. For some of that time, I have actually believed that I was doing fine and managing to live life without my heart breaking. But, yesterday I came to the conclusion that I need to see someone professionally to help me deal with feelings that are all rolled up in a tight little ball and tucked away somewhere deep inside. Yesterday, after almost six years, I had to pull the car over to the side of the road and have a good cry. Guess what brought all of this on??? Going into a bank....something as simple as walking into a bank. Dennis has his business account at the bank where the company I now work for has their account. I hadn't been in that bank since Dennis died. Yesterday, I had to make a bank deposit for work. I thought I was actually going to smother before I could get through the line and get that deposit made. I have had panic attacks since Dennis died but never really associated the attacks with Dennis. My family physician has been telling me that the two are related but yesterday was the first time I have ever believed him. I practically ran out of the bank!!! Once driving, I felt the tears building up and I had to pull over and have a really good cry. After six years, you would think I could have handled this. So...I have made an appointment to go talk with someone that can help me sort all of this out.

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I hear you Ann, and I understand.

It's almost a year since my Mom died. Today I heard someone's cell phone ring and it was the ring tone that I had set for my parent's phone number. After my heart stopped hammering and I realized where it was coming from, I started crying right there at work. And I haven't done that since I started on lexapro!

I am so sorry Ann, hugs to you.


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I'm sorry for your pain. I get how "it" can all come rolling at you, even years later. I just started grief counseling with a psychotherapist this spring and five years later we are talking about my dad's passing as well as my moms along with other life losses and choices.

Seeing this therapist doesn't change the fact my parents are gone or that I grieve them. It doesn't bring them back. It doesn't make missing them go away. But I can tell you how much better I feel just getting it out, saying things out loud. Having things I already KNOW being said back to me. Having my feelings affirmed by someone else. Someone whos job isn't to judge me but to guide me thru the maze. I don't have to be strong when I go there or pretend that I'm "over it" or strong or fine.

It's helping me.

I think going to talk to someone will be a good thing for you. I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. I hope for gentler days ahead for you.

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Ann, 6 min, 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years... I think we all still have those moments that stop us in our tracks and we just break down. I am glad you are going for help and I hope you gain peace from that. Its amazing how the oddest things trigger such reactions isn't it? I don't have the answers, just a hug for you... Love, Sharon

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