BarbaraL Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Greetings all! I was just getting ready to post an update, and read Ry's plea that we let *someone* know what's going on so the members of this board don't think the worst. MEA CULPA! Since I've never been anything but brutally honest, both here and in real life, I'll state the obvious: I've been so busy trying to live my life as normally as possible, that I'm just not here very often. I'm truly blessed to not be debilitated at this point, and I just don't want to dwell on my condition. I hardly work, now collect Social Security Disability (THANK YOU NORME), and still haven't got out all the Thank You cards from my summer wedding. Instead, I'm doing fun and meaningful things: Thanksgiving at my parents' house, with my sister and brother and sister-in-law, and their six adorable kids. The day after, I cooked dinner for hubby, my two stepsons and assorted others, including grandson (neat trick how I have a grandson without having been through labor! ) This past weekend, hubby and I made gingerbread houses and I started the Christmas decorating while we were snowed in. As far as my attempt to quit smoking cigarettes, results have been lousy. While Welbutrin definitely curbed my physical cravings, my psychological cravings have been more difficult. To make a long story very short, I became severely depressed. I'm not sure whether it was the discontinuance of another anti-depressant, my mixed but *huge* struggle to *just stop*, or a host of environmental things, but hubby and I agreed one teary night that I should just go back to the other antidepressant. Anyway, after another visit to the pulmonologist, she agreed that being severely depressed was not acceptable. She advised the patch, which I used diligently for another week. For me, the difficult sleeping, the vivid dreams, the being on the verge of tears most times, is not worth the trade-off. Right now, I'm trying to keep my terrible habit down to some acceptable level (there probably isn't one, I admit). I share this knowing that there are people reading who still smoke. I sure as heck am not offering them any excuse to continue this awful and dangerous habit, but to share how difficult it can be to quit, especially when other underlying conditions like depression can haunt at every turn. All I can say is keep up the fight! I am. Next CT scan was rescheduled from tomorrow to Friday, due to some insurance BS, and I fear the worst but hope for the best. And, instead of running for my copies of the scans and report, I'm off to Washington DC for a party and sightseeing this weekend. There will be plenty of time next week to discuss the results with onc. Best wishes to all for the happiest, most joyous and most healthy holiday season, Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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