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I know I haven't written in a while. My dad finished his fourth and last round of chemo and all was looking up. He was scheduled for radiation on Friday the 28th at 12:24pm. On Saturday he developed breathing problems where he got winded even going from the couch the the bedroom. We took him into the ER. The breathing got progressively worse as hours went by. They did CT scans and x-rays on him and ound out that h caught phenomia.

They put him on a ventilator and took more tests and gave him anti-biotic drip. We thought this would help. We all slept in the family room of the hospital on couchs and chairs to find out the next day that there is nothing they could do. The phenomia had taken over and his lungs were filling up. By day three he could even speak. His last wish was to get his radiation and hope for a miracle. He was SUCH a strong man and really believed he was going to make it through. He ended up getting the radiation eventhough he was dying and he knew it. All he wanted after that was just to go home. We managed to transport him home in an ambulance and into his own bed, with his own blankets and we all surrounded him and all fell asleep with him.

He passed at 2:15 Wednesday morning. :( I'm up and down with emotions and can't go to my mom and dad's house because I HATE it there. I saw my dad lying there in the bed with no breath in him anymore. I can't get the vision out of my head. I also can't get the vision of his eyes looking up at me when they told him there was nothing they could do anymore. I bet if he didn't get phenomia...he'd still be here. I go through so many emotions...at one point I'm laughing at all the funny things he used to do and then I'm so ANGRY I want to hit a wall.

My mom is falling in and out of depression wearing his clothes around the house and going outside and looking at the garden that he put together. When the ambulance came to take his body she didn't want to let him go. She was saying "He's coming back!!! He's coming back!" and then was covering him up saying he was cold. It is so heartbreaking. They were together for 44 years and best friends till the end. I hope she will be ok.

Thanks for everyone's support....and keep your loved ones by your side and cherish every waking moment with them.

One good thing out of this, and even the paramedics said this. He went with so much love around him, peacefully, in his own bed, bundled in love, in his sleep...and THAT is one hell of a way to go.

Thanks Again...


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thoughts praeyrs and condolences for your loss. Your dad stregth showed through that post and be proud of that. I know how hard this is right now but let things run naturally Cry if Ya want laugh if ya want. Dont hit but throw eggs it helps and doesnt get anyone hurt!!!!! Its a traansference of anger basically. Do what you want to do there are no rules for grieving at all!!

Hugs and Prayers for everyone for strength and peace in the coming days!!

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Oh, Gabby, I'm so sorry. I was starting to get concerned since you hadn't posted for a while, and I intended to PM you last weekend but got sidetracked and didn't follow through.

Your poor mom...she could probably benefit from counseling...maybe someone here who has experienced such a deep loss will offer suggestions.

I keep reading your last paragraph over and over. It's incredibly powerful. Love and Aloha,


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It feels like only yesterday Gabby, I first saw that awesome pic of you and your Dad. So much love can be conveyed in a picture of two smiling people.

My heart goes out to you and your family. This will be hard for all of you. But for your mother, 44 years is a long time, actually how long my husband and I have been together. I hope that you and your family will stay close for her, let her talk about him, wear his clothes, whatever she needs to process this loss. I hope she has friends who will be around after the services are over and people have gone on with their lives. I've heard that's when it's the hardest. It will be hard for you to be all she needs because you have your own grief to process. Only time....

Judy in Key West

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Gabby. I am deeply saddened to read your post. Your deep love for your dad has been evident from your first post.

I know very little about the grief process but you have received some good advice here.

Your poor mom. I just can not imagine what it would feel like to lose your husband of 44 years. She will need lots of love and support. Your family sounds so special and so full of love. Your dad's last hours were so full of love.

Please take care of yourself and your family. I hope you will come here for support from others who have experienced similar.

I am sure your dad as always, continues to be very proud of you.


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