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Need your leftovers- if you have any


KatieB

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Hi everyone-

I don't want to take away from anyone here that is facing "real" problems today, but if you have a free second, please pray for me some strength.

I'm losing what little I have left.

I am still grieving over my dad's death- yet we muddle thru and go on because we have no choice. Then someone else I know and love dies and the wind is knocked out of me again.

Every night I sit here and answer PM's and e-mails, responding to posts, etc...growing closer to alot of you, my LCSC family. When we lose someone on the board, it isn't just a sad or tragic loss for someone else, it's sad and tragic for us too as we have gotten to know and love these people!

Everyone here has left an impression on our lives forever. My special friends- you know who you are- and how much you mean to me....

What I am dancing around is, the recent death of Greg G. (bartziggy). He was my friend. We shared tons of e-mail and PMs. I felt like I knew him very well and I felt honored that he would share his medical information, his thoughts and fears and feelings with me, especially in these last few days. I've had relatives not open up to me like that. Not even my dad expressed those fears or feelings so openly to me, and I was blessed and lucky to have gotten to speak to Greg on the phone the day before he died.

I could not stop crying yesterday. I felt like I was crying for everyone in the world who suffered with LC and I could not stop- I felt like I could not breathe.

I know I am here for a reason, but I don't know how much more I can witness- how much more my heart can take. Please Pray for me to have a fourth of the strength that others here have -so that I can continue to be here and be an advocate for LC and make a difference in the memory of those we have lost.

thanks.

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Oh Katie,

I can feel your pain and suffering. If I could give you strength I would but only God can give you the strength and peace you are searching for. We all hurt so much because we care. Thank God we still care so much not only for ourselves but for others. It is so difficult to lose our friends and family and we wonder why. I keep picturing what my father told me when he had his heart attack and had a near death experience. Heaven is a wonderful place that is indescribable. He felt such peace and joy when he was there for just those few seconds. He felt the arms of God surround him and take all his pain away. He said it is what we are all waiting for. No more pain, only love and peace. That is what keeps me going. Knowing that he and Greg and Randy and Jesse and Dennis and all the others that I love are with God and not in pain and enjoying the rewards of Heaven. It doesn't mean I don't cry and feel the pain of losing those I love, but it gives me the courage to continue on and to share my hopes and dreams with those still with me.

Close your eyes and imagine all the love that those we love have for us.

Much love and warm hugs coming to you and all the others that are feeling just like you.

Shirley

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Katie,

my friend. I echo your feelings and emotions. Its like the scab is pulled off again every time we loose someone here. I too am stunned by greg's passing so young and so quickly. Its a fog that doesn't lift and you can't see through.

I dred that once we have been touched by this LC we seem to only know people with or caregivers of LC people. Its never ending and vicious.

I wish we could all meet and go before congress regarding research dollars for LC and all cancers.

I am with you always my friend and I will share whatever strength I have left in the bag i carry with me.

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Oh Dear Katie.....You certainly are in my prayers. If there are any prayers left over from anyone else, please add me to the list! I woke up this morning and had a long cry before going to work. I cried not just for Dennis, but for all of us that have faced (or are facing) this monster called cancer. I know how you feel. I feel as if we are all family now and when anyone from this board passes on, it just breaks my heart and forces me to remember just why I despise cancer. It's still so hard for me to even say the word. Last night while driving in the car, I heard the beautiful song by Leean Rimes....How Can I Live Without You...and I actually screamed...really screamed out loud just to relieve some of the pain and pressure! I can swear to you that today could easily be one year ago for me. I can relive every minute of the day and believe I am really there. I feel so desperate and alone! I would give anything to see Dennis one more time and know he is alright. As you posted yesterday, I would give a year for one second. I love you all and need you desperately!!!

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Katie-I am so sorry, you have been thru so much. I hate it too! I hate getting close to someone on here and then one day they are just gone. You tho are one who has been there for so many. You will be in my prayers for strength. You are such a breath of fresh air! We need people like you. Love Cindy

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Hi Katie,

Thank you for all you have done for us and this board. I am so sorry that you are facing such a difficult time right now, the emotions of all our situations are just completely overwhelming. Do not despair, you have made each of our lives better and you are a blessing to us all. You are one of our angels on earth.

You are in my prayers each night and I will say a couple of extra for you today. May you find a little peace today and each day.

Denise

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Katie (and others),

Being fairly new here I didn't know Greg as well as many of you. BUT .... he was one of the first folks to PM me after I joined. When I made my decision to not aggressivily treat my cancer he was one of the first to PM me with his support.

When I heard about Greg's problems with his treatment some things happened FOR me. For the first time since my diagnosis I got angry at this disease. For the first time since my diagnosis I got off my little pity pot and cried for someone other than myself. Even in his own suffering Greg helped to give me back my humanity.

Katie, I do know a little bit about inner strength. My wonderful wife had one major psychosis and almost died twice in the last year and a half (both times from lithium toxicity ... off that drug now, thank God!). During those days there were often times I felt I could go no farther, do no more. But somehow I got up each morning and did the things I had to do. Somehow I tapped into a well that never seemed to run dry. It did NOT feel good. It often hurt like hell. But somehow we got through.

I firmly believe there is NO LIMIT in the strength of the human spirit. Sometimes in our pain we don't feel that strength, but it's there none the less.

Anne, I also believe deep in my soul there are no limits to prayers. God, in my limited understanding, is a BIG God. He has room for all our prayers. He can handle us getting angry with Him at times. For me it has to be that way or there is no God ... and I REFUSE to believe there is no God.

Yes, cancer is a monster. Yes, I hate this disease we deal with every day. But, while cancer (and other diseases) can kill the body, it CANNOT kill the spirit. Only *I* can kill my spirit. Greg taught me that in only a few weeks of knowing him. And I WILL NOT allow that to happen.

Dean

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((Katie)),

Gentle hugs and prayers being sent your way. You have given so much of yourself to the members of this little "family". I am pretty new here also but I have seen the compassion and caring that you display for those you have come to care for and even for those you do not know as well.

It is (and always will be) hard to lose someone we care for and in a situation like this we stand the chance of losing people way to soon. God can and does give us the strength we need to make it through the day, at least I believe he does. I will be praying for you and for ALL the members of this family.

God Bless you,

MO

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Hi Katie,

People’s lives often intertwine. The impact one makes on someone is forever engraved into their heart and soul. Do not give up the good fight. Do not stop your cause to be an advocate for LC and making a difference in the memory of those we have lost. Gather your strength from the knowledge that you are helping so many battle this terrible disease. Find peace, comfort and satisfaction that your deeds are truly appreciated by many, and gather every fiber of your inner strength so that you may continue on. My prayers go out to you and everyone who is afflicted (and everyone who’s lives have been affected) with this terrible disease. Peace, take care and God Bless.

Rich

"So I say to you,

Ask and it will be given to you;

Seek and you will find;

Knock and it will be opened to you."

Luke 11:9

*************************************************************

The Power Of People Helping People / The Power Of Knowledge / The Power Of God / The Power Of Believing / The Power Of Positive Thinking / The Power Of Never Taking No For An Answer / That’s The Key

*************************************************************

http://www.plwc.org/plwc/MainConstructo ... 08,00.html (Questions To Ask The Doctor About Lung Cancer)

http://www.alcase.org/education/publica ... reath.html (With Every Breath A Lung Cancer Guidebook / From ALCASE / A Wealth Of Information / Free)

http://www.cancersurvivaltoolbox.org (The Cancer Survival Toolbox / Free / From NCCS)

http://www.centerwatch.com (Clinical Trails Listing Service / Center Watch)

http://news.google.com/news?hl=en&editi ... ung+cancer (Lung Cancer In The News)

http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/pro ... /guide.asp (The Wellness Community / National Cancer Support, Education And Support / Free)

http://www.drugs.com (Drug Information Online)

http://www.alcase.org (ALCASE / Alliance For Lung Cancer Advocacy, Support, Education)

http://www.nlm.nih.gov (Unites States / National Library Of Medicine)

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/encyclopedia.html (Health Information / Medical Encyclopedia)

http://www.google.com (Great Search Engine)

http://blochcancer.org (R.A. Bloch Cancer Foundation, Inc. / Please read: A Letter to all newly diagnosed cancer patients)

http://www.cancer.org (American Cancer Society)

http://www.cancer.gov (Cancer Information Service / NCI)

http://www.cancerresearchcenter.org (Cancer Research Center)

http://www.aicr.org (American Institute for Cancer Research; Nutrition Hotline / AICR)

http://www.cancerhopenetwork.org (Cancer Hope Network)

http://www.acor.org (Association of Cancer Online Resources / Free Online Lifeline For Everyone Affected By Cancer & Related Disorders)

http://www.meds.com/lung/lunginfo.html (Lung Cancer Information Library)

http://www.lungusa.org (American Lung Association)

http://www.ama-assn.org (American Medical Association)

http://www.docguide.com/news/content.ns ... g%20Cancer (Doctor’s Guide / Lung Cancer)

http://www.healthfinder.gov/Scripts/Sea ... ?topic=506 (Healthfinder)

http://www.medicinenet.com/Lung_Cancer/article.htm (Medicine Net)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/support/financial.html (Lung Cancer Online / Financial, Legal & Insurance Issues)http://www.cancerindex.org/clinks2l.htm (Cancer Index / Lung Cancer Resources Directory)

http://www.nfcr.org/site/PageServer?pag ... ncers_lung (National Foundation For Cancer Research)

http://www.patientadvocate.org (Patient Advocate Foundation)

http://www.lungcanceronline.org/effects ... fects.html (Lung Cancer Online / Hematologic (Blood) Effects)

http://www.cancerlinks.org/lung.html (Lung Cancer Links)

http://www.cancer-free.com (Cancer Free Connections)

http://www.healthinsite.gov.au/topics/C ... ung_cancer (Health Insite)

http://www.lungcancerclaims.com (Lung Cancer / Lung Cancer Information Page)

http://www.cancerlifecenter.com/engine. ... =dictionar (Cancer Life Center/ Cancer Dictionary)http://cancernews.healthology.com/focus_index.asp?b=cancernews (Cancer News)

http://www.canceryellowpages.com/Resour ... G%20CANCER (Cancer yellow Pages)

http://icare.org (ICARE / The International Cancer Alliance)

http://www.vh.org/index.html (Virtual Hospital)

************************************************************

If I Could Catch a Rainbow:

If I could catch a rainbow, I would do it just for you, And share with you its beauty, On the days you’re feeling blue. If I could build a mountain, You call your very own, A place to find serenity, A place to be alone. If I could take your troubles, I would toss them in the sea, But all these things I’m finding, Are impossible for me. I cannot build a mountain, Or catch a rainbow fair, But let me be what I know best A friend that’s always there. Author Unknown

*************************************************************

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Oh, Katie....you make me feel like the Wizard in the Emerald City handing out courage, wisdom and heart... We ALL know that what the Cowardly Lion, Tin Man and Scarecrow were looking for was in them all along...and so it is with your strength, Katie.

You silly girl, you HAVE the strength you are looking for, you really do. You don't need "strength", you need some good news - a lot of it. If you were told today that a cure had been found and not ONE MORE friend of yours would die of this horrible disease, you would STILL grieve over those you have already lost...those that weren't "saved"..

But Katie, you HAVE a purpose and you are fulfilling it! This WONDERFUL board you were a HUGE part in starting has been a lifeline for so many, people who thought they were struggling alone, either as a patient or a caretaker. Questions are asked and answered here, treatments from one side of the country (or world) are being brought up in areas that haven't really heard of them but will "do more research" to help THEIR patient... Katie, you are doing and have been doing wonderful things here! We are all a ragtag bunch of survivors and YOU helped bring us all together to share what we have to make it.

What you need is a break, some time to yourself to recharge your batteries - a massage and a pedicure, maybe? Something "selfish" and just for you, something to fill you back up with that love you so readily share. We all mourn the loss of our friends, the closer they are, the deeper the loss. We also all share in the JOY that is to be found here, in clean scans, remission and love. Take a while to feel the love, Katie. You're part of the reason it's here, take from it what you need!

We all love you Katie, you're so "human".

Take care of yourself for a while, we all understand how it is and that everyone needs a recharge every now and then, even our own Energizer Bunny/cheerleader!

Love ya, Katie,

Becky

aka Snowflake

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Katie, I am so sorry that you are feeling as if you are running out of strength. I think that it is so hard when you have dealt with the loss of you wonderful father, and then to face the loss that we have suffered of members of this board-for someone that cares SO MUCH, as you do, must feel unbearable. But you are not alone, Katie. You have no idea that just knowing that someone like you exists offers so much comfort, and yes, strength, to me. Just knowing that it is possible to care so much about so many people that you've never met in person, but have come to know and love through the very personal and, dare I say, intimate, act of writing.

I don't believe it gets much more personal than this. We write from our souls, knowing that we will not be judged, and that we will not be laughed at, or that eyes will not roll when we let our feelings be shown.

This is a safe haven, and it is because we are here to offer support and strength when it is most needed...but the wonderful part is that we get to seek that same support, too.

NOONE is expected to be the pillar, it is a group effort. You know the saying that a chain is only as good as its weakest link? Well, that may be true for the chain, but as far as I am concerned the opposite is true when it comes to the human chain that we have formed here...I think that it takes about as much strength to let your guard down and ask for help and support, as it does to offer it to someone else.

So, here we are, my friend. You requested prayers for strength, and they will be sent up, no explanation needed. No questions asked. No apologies expected. Just good old love and support. UNCONDITIONAL.

Some time ago I described our board here as being a wall. Each person is a brick in that wall, which makes it stronger. The wall is here to offer shelter, to support, and when needed, you can climb on top of our amazing wall and see the hope on the other side. The hope isn't just for a cure. The hope is different for everyone. Right now, you are hoping for more strength...I think you havn't lost it. It takes a strong person to care. It takes a strong person to loose someone so dear to them and still want to reach out to others. It takes a strong person to continue to have the desire to make a difference in other peoples lives.

When you feel that pain in your heart from the loss, please try to remember that you were not expected and are not expected to make it all better...all you have to do is care...and you are very good at that, Katie. When you are feeling overwhelmed, than be the seeker. When you are able to than be the comforter. Its a see-saw thing. Ups and downs. I don't know if this makes much sense, it all just sort of came out. I hope that you got the general picture, Katie. That you are loved, and cared about.

Take care, Katie, my friend. Lean as hard and for as long as you need to. Deb

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My Dear Friend katie

I know where you are coming from, I am there too. This morning I showed my husband and my son Greg's picture and Lenny's picture and told them about their deaths. I am so deeply saddened by all the losses recently on this board and also scared because I also have lung cancer, I wonder will my end be swift like theirs was?

This board is a double edged sword, it gives and it takes. I have gotten so much knowledge and love and joy from all the members on here but when someone passes on I feel so much pain at their loss and I worry so much about the members who are not doing well right now. However, I firmly believe that we were all brought together for a reason, to help each other when we can, to listen and offer encouragement and for that dear Katie (and Rick) we have you to thank, so hang in there my friend, we need you more than ever.

Bess B

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Oh Katie~

" I have told Katie be in confidence my entire story and i felt as if though the weight of the entire world was lifted off my shoulders in the matter of an hour. "

That is a sentence from a PM I got from Greg. That's what you did for him by being there. Please know what a difference you made to him and will make for others that come after him. He raved about you Katie. He was a good guy and I am so sorry we lost him. It's hard for all of us to read the heartache and heartbreak on this board but we keep coming back...

Hang in there, we're all here for you too.

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Dearest Katie,

I have to echo what everyone else is saying. I was talking to a friend the other day she was telling me about an online support group that she belongs to(for couples having problems) and I was telling her about our group. We discussed how strange it is that we really develop a relationship with people we have never met in person. I was telling her there is also a lot of sadness on our boards because we lose people that we have grown to care about and in some cases love. There are so many kind people here, people who dont judge and are so willing to help. I have some family that I thought cared about me and loved me, however they sure have stayed away since I lost my dad. I know I can come here and talk about whatever or whoever I want without anyone being uncomfortable.

I know its hard, and I dont think it will get any easier. I just pray all the time for everyone here and Katie there are definately extra prayers for you. I really wish I could give you a REAL (not cyber) HUG. Take care sweet Katie.

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Katie,

I don't have any answers, I can only offer a prayer and my thanks for your kind and compassionate writing on this forum. I am new to this forum and to this horrible beast, but this forum is my mainstay. You are very special and we love and appreciate you.

Take a break and go for a walk, enjoy the sun, the rain, the flowers and the weeds. Know that death is a part of the cycle of life and not a terrible thing. For those here fighting the beast, we work hard to keep it at bay as long as possible, but when the fight is done, it means peace and an end to suffering.

Find your serenity in the fact that your dad, greg, lenny and all the others who finished the battle are at peace, but fought the good fight as long as possible and were stronger in their struggle thanks to your good support!

My thoughts and prayers are with you in your grief.

I wish for you serenity

Betty

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Thank you all for your kind words of support.

RY: I am crying now after reading your quote from Greg. I talked to a member of his family today...that too was very hard. Thank you for your supportive words (((HUGS)))

Deb: My sister and fellow "daddy's girl", thank you for your words and prayers. I pray for the health of both your parents and for YOU too. I am lucky to have you on my side

Becky: You have the best sense of humor- thru my tears I am laughing at what you wrote! YOU are the silly girl! ((hugs))

Rich: Thank you for your strong prayer- you have the spirit!

Mo_Sugar, Dean Carl, Denise, Betty : I am just getting to know you guys and already you are in my corner helping to lift me up with your prayers and supportive replies- Thank you & god bless

CindyRN: You are the inspiration that keeps so many going and your encouraging words mean so much to me! Thank you for helping so many even in the midst of your own dx.

Ann-

Shellie-

Shirley-

Cathy-All of you have lost dear loved ones recently too- thank you for being here, thank you for continuing to offer support and hope and advocacy against this disease for our group. "Knowing" all of you is a blessing.

BESS: My dear sweet friend. I still remember the first time you posted and I let my dad read your first post. He said...bess, bess, oh sweet bess....I had a girlfriend named bess once- did you know that? (My mom was like- HEY! :shock: ) It was a funny moment- we were laughing and it was during his "good" days of this disease.

You know very well by now that this disease affects everyone differently. Whereas one treatment works for some and does not for others and vice-versa....... I know it is hard not to compare situations, or be afraid when someone from the board passes away, that is normal... I have every faith in you to live each day to the best- YOU are a survivor. All of us here are survivors in one way or another I suppose. I pray for you always and I am so grateful that I know you...you've ALOT more to do yet- And although we get really sad when we lose someone- you put your doubts away and put your boxing gloves back on! :wink:

Thank you to everyone who responded.

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Katie,

My heart goes out to you. I really don't know what to say other than thank you for your compassion and caring. Even during the time when your father was so ill, you were so concerned about all of us here. You are the Little Mama Hen of our Forum. You are truly appreciated and loved dearly.

We would not have this forum without you and Rick. In the town that I live in, we have no support group especially for LC. This forum has helped me to keep my sanity and get through each day. I again want to say thank you and God Bless...

Please take some time for yourself and praying that you are here for all of us for a long time. I know we are here for you and love you dearly...

God Bless and sending warm and gentle hugs

Karen

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Oh Katie,

I am sending you a big hug. I too feel so very saddened when I read about a friend here passing. Somedays I too feel like it is all I can do to get out of bed. I think the key is that we don't always have to be strong...it is not possible. I hate this disease and I wish not one other person has to suffer from it and not another family has to go through the pain. We all who are left behind can work to make a difference, but we are going to have our days, weeks or months where we aren't strong and need to focus on our well being. I send my blessings and prayers to you. I am always here if you need to talk.

(((HUGS)))).

Love,

Andrea

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Dear Katie, Your sadness shows your intense caring for others, and that is a beautiful thing. Remember that your talks with Greg were an opportunity to make a difference for him shortly before his life ended. And what a gift it is to be able to help someone in their final days and weeks!!! You are so right; every confidence someone shares about this illness is a privilege we are given. And it is beautiful that you were there to hear Greg sound off when he needed to. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing that you helped him when he needed it so much. Blessings, Teresa

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(((((Katie)))))))))

There are times when all of us feel like our strength is failing. But somehow we get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other and can perform miracles of giving and caring for someone.

Katie, from the first time I came to this site, you have been giving and giving of yourself. It is amazing how it seems you give so much strength and support out, and it never seems to deminish. You have love in unending abundance. I don't think you realize just how strong you are, and how much you have given to us.

Every time I've been feeling like I can't go on, that I don't have any hope or any strength, you and everyone on this wonderful board have given me support and often time been my only support, carrying me through my most perilous days. The fact that I've made it this far is a testiment to you.

Now it is time for you to direct some of that support and strength back to yourself. You have so much to feel proud of. When I think of all you've done for so many, it makes me cry. Your radiance and love shine upon so many who are walking the darkest and scariest of roads. Although we suffer from the pain and loss of the passing of our friends and people we love, there should be joy in knowing that you helped them when they needed it most. You gave them your strength to endure the unbearable. You made their journey lighter and eased their passing as much as possible.

Katie, you truly are an Angel here on earth. God has a plan for you, and although it is a tough one, you do so much good for so many here.

Hold strong, and remember those who've gone before us. Feel blessed for being give the chance to know such grace and courage and the most wonderful people, because I for one know that I feel blessed every day for knowing you.

God Bless,

Carleen

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Katie,

I think it frankly sucks that you are putting out so much of yourself and your inner strength is getting zapped so hard. I don't know what to tell you to do - counseling helped me tremendously with grief and depression, but not everyone can find a great psychologist, and even at that it doesn't necessarily help everyone either. People say to do things for yourself or to take care of yourself but that is different from person to person, and if you ask me, not always the total answer. It looks like all the support you're getting helped, I hope so. I'm late answering. I get hung up on one particular forum or the other and then neglect others, like this spirituality one, but today I've been drawn to it. I'm glad, because I've read some really neat things, and everyone, especially Dean and Don, have really given my Christianity a boost.

Anyway, Katie, hang in there. Do what you have to do. I really respect Ray for saying he had to step back during the holidays and not be on the board for awhile. If you need that, I think you should step back as well.

Dave and I talk about all the folks on this board as if they are family. "Did you hear about Ann's mother." or the day I saw that Greg had died before he did. I hated to call him at work but I did.

Speaking of Greg, I hope we can get something for him on the Wall of Memory. I'd love to see a photo of him, pre-treatment, with his kids.

OK, enough rambling from me. You take care.

I love everyone here and God Bless,

Karen C.

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Dear Katie,

You are our linchpin, and I don't know what we would do without your wonderful love and support. I'm praying for continued strength and courage for you. Losing friends from this site is certainly devastating and sometimes seems like more that we can bear, I know. But the love and camaraderie always draw one back and help make the realities bearable. Thank you, Rick, and Estrea so much for helping us be able to withstand our loads and to possibly help someone else face their challenges. Blessings.

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