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Why I have not been around.


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I'm sorry everyone. I feel bad for not being around for so long. I haven't checked my mail and I haven't checked the forum. If you guys could give me a small update on how things are I would really appreciate it.

I had been feeling sick for quite a while. I went to a regular check up and it seemed like I was doing just fine. I still felt sick, tired and my whole body hurt, specially my back but I didn't think it was important. Anyway, I won't make the story long. I had a bone scan a couple of weeks ago and I just got my results yesterday. Bone mets.

I don't know why this is happening, I think I'm confused at the moment. I had so many questions for my doctor yesterday but I was blocked. I didn't think of them till I got back home. How can this happen? I had Chemo and I don't have brain mets now... I don't understand it. I suppose is just luck? But do I have such bad luck?

Sometimes I'm grateful my mom isn't here, that way she doesn't have to see me go through this. I can't have a girlfriend because I can't do this to her, being sick, what kind of a boyfriend I would make? And I really liked this girl I was dating, but I just can't right now. I don't want to do anything I don't want to see anybody. I just need to think. What's going to happen next? Chemo is the only thing that I can think of. Is that it? Do I have to hang to the chemotherapy and just wait and see? I'm still turning 20 on February, and 21 the other year and 22 the year next to that. I just wonder how I'll do it.

I'm selfish, I've just been thinking of myself when all of you have been concerned about me here. I don't forget about any of you though.

Bone mets. The word doesn't scare me, even the thought of it is OK. What scares me is the "What happens next?" truth is, I have no fu**ing idea. My arm really hurts, I was playing football today (I'll do it while I can) and I fell hard, so I hope I didn't break anything, that's all I need now.

I'm starting chemo this Friday to prevent it from spreading and get rid of what I have right now. I hope it works, but if I must be honest, I don't think it will.

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Dear Jay,

I am so sorry and angry that you have to go through this. As I read your post I am shaking my head in disbelief. I dont know what to say to make it all better except dont give up hope, please keep fighting. You dont have to apologize for not keeping up or posting everyone just worries about you.

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Oh Sweetie -

It's so good to see/hear you!

I'm sorry it's not going too well for you though. Hopefully chemo will make a difference.

And don't you dare push people away or block them out. You're young and handsome and tough. It's okay to be a little selfish. It's okay to have a girlfriend. You make decisions for yourself and let other people worry about themselves. You already show your selfless-ness by your comments about your mom.

Take care and keep in touch,

Hugs and prayers,


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Hi Jay,

I have never responded to any of your posts before but I have followed and read your story. I admire you for your bravery and fighting spirit. I also can feel your anguish right now. As I am sure you probably already know, having lung cancer is like going on the fastest and most topsy-turvy rollercoaster ride there ever is. Through all of that ride I would like to let you know that I will be rooting for you and praying for you to have the strength to carry on and fight this da** disease. Meanwhile, live your life to the fullest. You most certainly deserve it.

Praying for miracles.


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Live your life, don't give up on the girlfriends. Let them know up front what is going on in your life and let THEM make the decision. You might be pleasantly surprised...even if it's just a close friendship and not a romantic one, open yourself up to companionship.

Live, love, laugh...and hang in there!

All my best,


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My heart is breaking for you. It is such a shame that you or anyone else has to suffer from this nightmare. I am so sorry.

I have three boys in my home right now that are in their early 20's and what you said about your mother is the most loving thing you could have said. I do understand from a mother's point of view. I guess that is why my heart aches for you. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and say honey, you will get through this too.

You are such a special young man. It takes more courage to admit and accept what is happening to you.

Don't short change yourself. People, (girls too) do understand. When you find that special friend, what a blessing that will be. But you have to open yourself up for that and that is the scary part. Give it a chance when you feel strong enough to handle it. Otherwise, just keep us posted so we know you are still fighting. I guess I am being a Mom here as my kids tell me. My door is always open and I am a good listener. Atleast that is what the kids friends tell me. They always show up on my doorstep when sh*t hits the fan.

I hope you do well and that you didn't break anything. Take care sweetie.

Much love,


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Jay, I can only add that I will be praying for you and I admire the courage you show. My heart breaks that this terrible beast has you in its grip but I do believe in the power of prayer and that prayer can work miracles. In this season of miracles we can all pray for one more!

God Bless you,


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Jay, bone mets can be treated. My wife originally had 5 different bone mets and then another one in June. With chemo and radiation, they have been handled so far. Radiation was done on those mets that either were giving her much pain or were in a place that threatened the integrity of the particularl bone. So not all bone mets got radiation. She will have a PET scan next week. Earlier bone scan showed nothing new except a small tumor on one of her ribs. It is not bothering her at the moment. She has had rib tumors come and go. Best to you. Don

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Jay - I echo what Don said - bone mets can be treated. Please don't give up. This might just be another phase that will be able to be handled. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to think of the worst. Remember that sometimes it will seem like everything is bleak but then a short time later, you might have good news.

And I also want to add that it'd important for you to go on with your life. Have a girlfriend if she makes you happy. If she makes you feel good inside and if you enjoy spending time with her then go for it! You're young and handsome so why not enjoy yourself. Don't let the disease rule your thoughts. Someone I know taught me to see it as a chronic disease that you are learning to live with, not something that is taking over. When you look at it that way, you feel much more in control.

Anyway, I know it's tough but you are very loved so please have faith.


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I must agree with everyone else -- while Lung Cancer is a big part of you, it is not YOU -- get out there and live your life!

I was dating a wonderful man for about a year prior to my diagnoses. While it did cross my mind that he might "bail" on me after hearing what I was dealing with, that didn't happen. He was there for me every step of the way -- In fact, the weekend before I started radiation/chemo -- HE PROPOSED. (We are getting married next month) Please don't underestimate people and their ability to see you for the wonderful person that you are!

I think of you often and wish you the very best with your next phase of treatment. Bone mets CAN be treated and I have every confidence that you can tackle this thing head on!

PLEASE take good care of yourself, feed your body some good fuel to get you through treatments and give you some energy! Warm wishes and prayers coming your way!


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Hang tough, sweetie.

Cancer is just a part of your life, not your life.

Bone mets can be treated.

Hang tough. Don't let the depression kick your A$$, if it gets bad see the doctor and ask for something to help.

Write down your list of questions and call the doctor's office, tell them you have several questions you'd like to ask the doctor about, and ask if they'll set up a telephone appointment so you can talk to him. Hint: Write down the answers in the doctor's words for reference.

If you want to play football, play.

Call the girl you were dating.


Tomorrow is another day, and new drugs are coming down the pipeline all the time.

I'll be standing in line to wish you happy birthday in February.

Know you are loved around here... I guess you'd figured that out by now, eh?



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I am so sorry you are going through yet another trial. But don't lose sight of hope. As everyone has said, there are very good statistics and successes in treating bone mets. Keith's doctor actually told him when we suspected him of having bone mets, that they were the easiest met to cure for LC. I know that nothing is easy, but relative to other mets, it is. Any you have been through so much and come through with flying colors. It is just proof of your strength and perserverence. You will knock out these stinkin' bone mets, and you will turn 20, 21 (for which you will need to come to Wisconsin to celebrate with me :D ), 31, 51, 81. I am praying for you, and you are one strong young man.

About the rest, you do need to take time for yourself, and there is nothing wrong with being selfish. But unlike everyone else, I suggest that you don't have a girlfriend (ok, that's a lie, I just said that because somewhere deep down I'm harboring a crush on you, you're just so darn handsome :D:D:D ).

Call the girl. Especially if you reallly like her. Just be honest. Let her know what you are going through, and let her know that being with you means more than having the best of men, it requires a little extra understanding on her part. She needs to understand that occassionally you need time for you, more so than most men. I think you will be surprised, most people, when they care about someone else have honor and grace to spare.

Live your life today, and enjoy each moment.

Jay, Call me, or e-mail me anytime. I have a world of love and respect for you, and just want the best for you always.


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I have a small offer for you. How much would it cost to fly up to Minnesota from Mexico? I would like to extend to you an invitation to come and visit with us for a few days if you think you can swing this. I will help pay part of the airfare. It might be the break you need.

You give it some though and I have room for you so that's not a problem.

Give it some thought and let me know if we can swing this.

Love & Hugs to YOU!!!


PS someone from Mexico called my house about 4 weeks ago, but said they would call back. Don't know who it was. Hope they call me back! We would love for you to come visit for a few days. Your more then welcome.

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Hello, thank you everyone. I guess you are right, I should go on and live my life. I should start hanging out more, play more football, do my thing. If my friends love me they will adjust, right?

Thanks to each and everyone that answered. I always feel better after reading what you have to say. And Carleen :oops: well, I guess I have a crush on you too. ;) Thanks for everything you said, you are the best! :D

Connie, I will tell my dad about this in the morning, I got pretty excited when I read it, so it would be a good idea. I'll just have to see when I would be able to do it and if my dad lets me. I'm 19, but he is overly protective. Thanks for the offer, you are great. I hope we can do this.

And to everyone that has e-mailed me, thank you so much. I still don't check my mail yet, but I will during the weekend.

Hugs to all. :)

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Normally I do not visit the general site (my dad has SCLC and I usually lurk/post there). For some reason I went to the general site and stumbled upon your posts. I also play football (soccer) at the school that I go to (University of California, Davis). You are a brave and fine young man and if your dad allows you to go Minnesota, I'd like to help out with the cost. Please drop me a PM and let me know what the costs would be. Keep strong!! We are all pulling for you.


P.S. Any girl would be LUCKY to have a guy like you!

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Hey Jay,

I think it would be WONDERFUL for you to go see ConnieB. I'll kick in for part of the cost as well.

I think if we passed the hat here, we'd be able to swing it for you with out a problem.

What do you say, all???

I'll leave it to connieB to sort out the contributions.

(sorry for volunteering you, dear, but it's your visitor... lol... and you must know how much the airfare will be... )

I'll pm Connie, and see what she says.

Let's send Jay North for a visit!!

Love to you, young man.

I'm getting too old to have a crush on you, and I'm not as pretty as Carleen. But if I were younger........ :D


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Jay, I am sorry that you have yet another hurdle to jump over, but YOU CAN DO IT!!! Bone mets can be dealt with, just as the brain mets were.

And as far as Connies invitation to visit with her, I agree that it would be a great idea. And, count me in for the cost kick in...boy it would be great if you go!

I have to say, the soccer ball is cute, but I much prefer to see your sweet face pop up with your posts! But, as long as you are posting, that is what really matters.

And I agree that you should give your friends a chance at supporting you-after all, shoe on the other foot-wouldn't you support them? Give them a chance, it isn't fair to you or to them to assume that they 'can't handle it'. Let them decide for themselves, I think they are stronger and more caring than you give them credit for. And don't forget, THEY NEED YOU, TOO. They need your friendship just as much as you need them, thats how friendships work. Give and take. And, the same goes for girlfriends, too. If you don't give her a chance, than the 'what if' will drive you crazy!

Take care, Jay, and don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. You have every right to need to take some time for yourself. Just remember, there is a fine line between introspection and isolation-try not to cross it. It is good to be introspective and step back and take a look at the big picture, to meditate and get yourself focused on what you want or what you need. This is not a selfish act, and is quite healthy. But if you find yourself isolating yourself from your friends and family-those that love you-then you're in trouble. And one of your friends here on the board will have to come over and slap some sense into you (just kidding).

We love you, Jay, and we are here. Please keep us in the loop as to how you are feeling-not just physically, but emotionally. We want to be with you, regardless of whether you're feeling crummy or happy-we are here. Take care, dear Jay, Deb

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Hey Jay.

Good to see you back posting - we have missed you. You're only one year older than my daughter, and I can't help thinking of you as family...

SO DON"T GO MAKING ME WORRY ABOUT YOU ANY MORE BECAUSE YOU DON'T POST!!! And I have to say -- there must be BIG plans for you sometime in your future if you're getting faced with these kinds of challenges this early in your young life, and successfully meeting each one of them. That's the key Jay; treat each one of these "set backs" as a separate challenge and continue facing it head on. There have been a few people already say the bone mets are treatable - what more do you need?? Oh yeah, a trip to Minnesota. Connie's awesome. Connie's

awesome. Connie's awesome. (hey Connie, I could use a holiday too).

You can count on me to chip in to get our young Jay from Argentina to Connie's front door).

Take care Jay.

David P.

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