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How can it be 3 years?


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Today it is 3 years since Brian died.

I don't feel any different.

It still feels like it did when he died.

I continue to work, to pray and to try to live, but it is not real w/out him.

I miss him like fire.

Unlike many others I have not been able to move on.

He was so so so so so so much a part of me.

My prayers are with all of you/us.

I never forget those who saw me through the months of Brian's battle and I never don't appreciate each of you.

much love and many hugs


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Hi Pat,

I don't know if you remember me, but I was here because of my dad the same time that Brian was fighting this disease. I was just thinking that this Feb, it will be 3 years that my dad has been gone. It is just has hard for me now, as it was then. I'm so sorry for your loss of your wonderful husband. I know it is different to lose a parent, but for me I just don't think that I will ever be as happy as I was when my dear father was alive. Yes, I'm happy and have many reasons to feel blessed with my two children, husband, mom and friends...it's just that my father was so special. Anyway, not to take this post away from you. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best for 2009.



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I care so much, Pat, and do believe I would be feeling exactly the same as you. I am sorry. Wish there was more to say but anything else just seems too insignificant and trivial. Fred and I think of you and continue to have you in our prayers. 3 years is a lifetime ago and yet only a moment ago. I often listen to that Josh Groban song 'To Where You Are' and it just brings me to my knees. But somehow it is comforting too. Unlike those who have 'moved on' ~ you've already been there and done that before. This is just not the way it should be for you, Pat. Hoping 2009 may somehow bring you some peace.


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Pat, your post broke my heart. I did rememeber that he passed on New Year's day but I can't beliveve its been 3 years. Wow!

I am so so sorry for your pain that tears at the core of your being. I wish I could be there just to give you a hug or to help take your pain away if only for awhile.

Please know how much I care and how much I appreciated your friendship and help during all my low times with fears about Joel. You were always there for me and countless others on here.

Tomorrow will be another day and the pain will still be there but at least it will be lessened as today has finally passed.

Hang strong!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((PAT))))))))))))))))))))))))) (((((((((BRAT))))))))))

Love ya,


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Pat I wish there were words to help you but I know that no words or nothing can take that pain away. Just know that in time the pain becomes like another part of you. I think if it ever left I would feel as lost as I would if I lost a finger or another limb.

Take care and I pray that the new year will be a little better for you once you are past today. b

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I will never forget the Brian that you helped us to know. I will never forget his courageous fight and I will never forget his courageous wife who supported , encouraged, nurtured and loved him with all your heart. I do understand how it feels the same after 3 years. It will be 3 years for me in just two months and sometimes it seems harder. Know that I'm still out here, I still understand and I still care.



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My heart still breaks for you Pat. Your love with Brian was very special and could be felt by anyone that was fortunate enough to cross paths with you both. I think of Brian all the time, but especially when I see the squirrels or chipmunks in our back yard. I am so sorry that you continue to struggle. You know how to reach me, I'm always here for you and I would be honored to hold your hand thru some rough hours.

I love you and I miss you!


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Seems like it can't possibly have been 3 years, lovely. I think of him every time I see a David McCullough book. I think about how much he would have enjoyed the John Adams mini-series on HBO. I think about how tired he sounded the one time I spoke with him, but how positive he was even still. And I think about you -- almost every day.

I meant to call on 1/1 but Suki ended up in the hospital that day and it was a chaos I know you know only too well. Know that even amid all of that, I was thinking of you and Brian.

Hope you got a smile in the mail.

Love you.


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  • 2 months later...


Sorry I'm so late to reply. I haven't been here much the past couple of years. I'm coming up on four years, Pat, and it still hurts.

I am so sorry that you are so sad. Grief recovery is different for everyone as we've all been told over the years. I wish I could give you some tip, some formula or magic potion to make the pain go away, but I can't.

Don't be hard on yourself, Pat. If you are still in the pits - that's where you are. It's ok. I do pray that God will send you someone or something to lift you up and out of the pit and set you free. Loving and living with someone for so many years isn't an easy thing to just move on from. Hang in there, girlfriend.



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Somehow, I missed this post until today.

I know that there aren't words that I can say that will do any good. Just know that I care. Altho I never knew Brian, you were one of the first people on this board to PM me after I joined. You are such a caring, good person.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We will continue to be here for you.

Many, many hugs -

Patti B.

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I certainly remember Brian and your posts about him and your love for him. I am so very sorry for the hurt and pain that this awful disease has caused you and so many others.


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