Yorktown Linda Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 When I first started reading these boards, Dr. West was discussing a patient who seemed to be sleeping more and more and he seemed to feel that at some some point she would just slip away. I remember thinking, yes I can do that when my time comes. Well, it seems my time has come. On my cruise I seemed to get shorter and shorter of breath. The day after I returned home I was admitted to the hospital. While I did have some fluid on my lungs (310 ml drained from the right side), this was not the main problem. Rather I seem to have more and more tumor and less and less lung. I am now home on hopsice care with morphine, oxygen, prednisone, etc., etc., etc. Anyway as I said at the beginning, I think I can cope with slipping away. But I have had a few coughing/choking attacks. The thought of choking to death, sort of drowning on my own lung, scares the hell out of me. I t is the most unpleasant feeling and I'm not sure I can take it -- not that I'll have any choice. So I guess I'm hoping for some reassurance that as things get worse they'll increase my meds so that maybe I won't be aware of what is actually happening. Any possibility of that? I'm so scared, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Linda, I'm so glad you went on the cruise! Imagine having not had your time in the sun! Is it possible to have the hospice folks give you some anti-anxiety medication as well as the morphine? Explain your fear to your family/friends and have a discussion with the hospice folks with your advocates in the room. I am sure there is a way for you to be assisted through this stage, they're the experts at it, tap the resource. I wish you peace, I've enjoyed knowing you. Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 (((((((Linda)))))) I am so sorry. When I first read your post,I cried and could not answer it right away but I certainly don't want you think you are alone. I, too, once told my onc that I was terrified at the thought that whenever the end came, I would be gasping for breath. He reassured me that there are meds for that and that would not happen. Like you, I am hoping that is correct. Bottom line is though, none of us know when the end will come and hopefully you can pull through this latest development. I pray this for you. I also pray for you to have strength through this and peace. Please PM me if you just need to talk. We will all continue to be here for you. ((((((((((Linda)))))))))) Hugs - Patti B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Oh dear Linda ~ I really don't now the answer to your question regarding the increase of drugs and the effect. But like you, my hope is that the answer would be that ~ yes ~ drugs will take care of all those concerns for us. My most fervent prayer has been the same as yours ~ to just slip away when the time came. And I am prepared to do that. Unfortunately we do deal with lots of uncertainty because of all the unknowns, don't we? I reread you profile with a havy heart. Your LC journey has been a bumpy ride and I'm so sorry for that. And now, here you are, finding yourself in the place we so never, ever wanted to be. We are kindred spirits here, and I feel pain and anguish as you face this leg of the journey. I hope you can feel my support and love. We are here to offer whatever we can. From reading posts here, it seems that Hospice is just a remarkable organization capable of handling just these issues you present. May they be your Godsend. Please know you will be in my thoughts and prayers, Linda. I am only in PA so it doesn't take too long for all my cyber support to get to you in NY. Kasey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 ((((Linda)))) Tell your hospice workers about your fears. They are there to make you comfortable and to relieve your fears. In the meantime know that you are being surrounded by love, warmth and prayers from your LCSC family. ((((LInda)))) Susan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Oh Linda. I am so saddened to read of your latest developments and of course you are scared. From what I have read here hospice is very good at making patients comfortable and I pray that they are able to relieve your pain and discomfort. And many many prayers for you at this time, for strength and courage and peace and love. Sandra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Yes, Linda, please discuss this with hospice in the presence of your closest loved ones and advocates. I wish you peace and comfort from the depths of my soul. Aloha, Ned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovesLife Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 (((Linda))) ... I too cried for you. What you said is what we all fear. If only we could all just pass gently in our sleep. However, having seen family members in hospice, I do believe their passing was gentle and without pain - the hospice was wonderful, not only to the patient but to the family members. I wish and pray for that same experience for you. I am so glad that you got to go on your cruise. I wish you peace and strength in the coming days. Hugs, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dscherer Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 First my heart is so very heavy! I am so sorry to hear this development. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hospice came in for my mom. They were wonderful to her and our family. My mom had many of the same fears and we were reassured that with the proper meds she would be comfortable and pain free. I can say they succeeded and my mom passed very peacefully. My mom shared her fears and feelings with us and we made sure those wishes were followed, especially when she couldn't on her own. Knowing her wishes made it easier for us to make decisions. Let hospice and your family know your fears and your wishes. You and your family are in my prayers. Dana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isunique Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 My heart is with you. I have no words of wisdom for you. I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers will be with you. Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Linda, My heart is so heavy right now as I read your post. This is felt deeply. Much of what you wrote in your concerns of how the end will be are the very same ones that Bill and I have. Surely, these are the thoughts that are in the minds of so very many of us. As others have advised, speaking out these issues with the hospice caregivers is so important, especially when family are there to be aware of your wishes. My sister-in-law, who died msny years ago from breast cancer, and prior to her, our brother-in-law, who died from lung cancer, both were medicated and in peace when they died. Toward the end, they slept more and more each day, and slipped away. That was over 20 years ago. Today there is even more knowledge about these things. I will keep you in my daily prayers, (((Linda))). Barbara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Linda, I am writing this with a very heavy heart. We are all, I believe, fearful of an end that is painful. I am fortunate to have a daughter who is an oncology nurse and I would trust her to see that my passing is gentle. I also have experience with loved ones who had hospice and believe that you can trust them to do the same. But my dear, the cockeyed optomist in me wishes you can get past this recent hurdle and enjoy more quality time with your loved ones. But have the talk as others have recommended and rest easy. I'm also glad you had your day in the sun. Judy in Key West Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 (((Linda))) Dear Sweet Linda, I'm praying hard that the passing will be most peaceful and pain-free and with no fear. God Bless You!! Jamie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstdzy Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I can't tell you how sorry I am and how I wish I could ease your fears. My Mom just died on the 8th thank God it was quick. She had major anxieties about not being able to breath. Have the doc's give you some Ativan or somithing similar. The nurses are great they kept my Mom calm and comfortable and pain free. It was like you said she just slowing started sleeping deeper and longer until everything just slowly stopped. You are in my prayers I will have my Mom (Colene) keep an eye out for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyman35 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 (((((Linda))))) I just don't know what to say. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead. I am so glad you went on that cruise. Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Dear Linda... My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you. Warmly Christine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dscherer Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Linda, Just wanted you to know that I thought of you often today! Prayers to you and your family, Dana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonni Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 My Dear Sweet Linda....my heart is heavy reading your post and I'm sure it affects us all....but honey...God will only give you what you can handle...Trust in HIM...He wil be right there with you....My prayers for you is to be comfortable...be not afraid....and keep the faith... Please tell hospice your fears and concerns....People say they are sooo wonderful and that is what they are there for...to take a way the pain and make you as comfortable as possible....I have tears here so I will close thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers... Peace be with you....hugs...Nonni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Posted April 15, 2009 Share Posted April 15, 2009 Linda, Like the rest here I am very sorry to read your post. Hospice will give you all you need so try not to worry about that. Everytime I was told that I would not be here by morning and every night when I went to sleep I would try and think that everything was ok. The way I figure it if I woke up in the morning and opened my eyes to see my wife I would smile and try my best to enjoy that day and if by chance I opened my eyes and the Lord was there I would smile and know that I was going to be at the largest family reunion ever and just think of all the food that would be there. Just realize that no matter what happens it is a win win situation. Smile tonight when you close you eyes and know that peace with the Lord is around the corner. God Bless Don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexan Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 prayers & strengh are with you. Have faith love bucky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted June 2, 2009 Share Posted June 2, 2009 For those who missed the notice in another thread, Linda passed away on March 29. Here's her obituary: http://lungevity.org/l_community/viewto ... 681#387681 Aloha, Ned Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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