alyssa0323 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 The most devastating day of my life. My mom was doing so well. We thought she was going in the right direction. The week before last she had her second round of chemo on Wednesday. Thursday the 12th she went back to the doctor for fluids due to slight dehydration and she started to feel shortness of breath at this time.. Then on that Friday, she had a blood transfusion due to her low white blood count. She came on Friday the 13th after the blood work and took a dramatic turn for the worse. She couldn't get her breath and just felt like something was wrong. We took her to the ER and found out that she developed pneumonia. We were told that it was the type of pneumonia that was the easiest to get rid of... we believed that she was going to get through it. She was put on a breathing mask to help force air into her lungs and to help get rid of the CO2 that was buiding up. Long story shorter, she was not exhaling enough of the CO2 and her pneumonia was getting worse. The doctor told us that they would have to put her on a ventilator to help her get through the pneumonia since her body was not strong enough to fight it on her own, but the dr also said he was not sure she was strong enough to come off of it in the end. My mom told us a day earlier that she was tired and had enough. She said she just wanted to "go" and that she couldn't do it any longer. We tried to convince her that she was going to get better, but she said that she was not going to get better. My mom refused the ventilator and my family and I sat by her side for two days straight until she passed on Tuesday 2/17 at noon. I held her hand the entire time and never left her side. I cant begin to explain the pain, the emptiness, the numbness that I feel. I want to thank all of you though for your kind words, concern, and help. I am glad that I found this site and I have tremendous respect for each and every one of you here. It takes an incredibly strong person to fight this disease and to keep a positive attitude through it all. I dont plan on visiting this site much more as it is just too painful of a reminder. Thank you and much love to everyone here. I shared many of your stories and thoughts with my mom throughout her short battle with this awful awful disease. God bless each and every one of you. You were a God Send to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 ((((Alyssa)))) My heart just aches for you right now. I am so saddened to read this update and I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I can understand your apprehension about visiting this site but please know that you are more than welcome here and we will do our best to help you through this horrible pain. My sincerest condolences to you and your family, Christine PS.. please keep in touch. I will send you a PM with my private emial address... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaminkw Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Alyssa, my sincere condolences to you and your family at this tragic end to your mother's battle. You did the right thing honoring her wishes. Only the person suffering knows when enough is enough. I admire your strength and fortitude in staying by her side to help her face the end. I am absolutely sure your being there was a tremendous comfort. Come back and visit or seek confort or not. Whatever you need is o.k. Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Hi Alyssa. My heart goes out to you and your family at this most difficult time. It all happened to fast and you had such a tough go of it. You may need a break from this site now but maybe later you will come back and reach out to others here who have experienced similar. There are many here who will support you. My sincere condolences. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry's Wife Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 (((Alyssa))) I'm so sorry to hear your mom passed away. Your love for her shined through every single post. My sincere condolences to you and your family. Lynn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Alyssa, I'm so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 My thoughts and Prayers and Condolences for You and the Family right now. If you need us we are here to help in any way we can even just to listen on a bad day..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 My prayers and Condolences and Please know we are here whenever you need us ! even if its just ot blow off steam on a bad day..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 (((((Alyssa))))) I am so, so terribly sorry to hear about your mom's passing. Your love for her was so obvious in all of your posts. I can understand that right now it might be difficult to come back here, but maybe later you can to help those who are just starting this journey. You ARE a part of our family and we will do whatever we can to help you through this difficult time. I wish you strength and peace in the difficult days ahead. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyman35 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Alyssa, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I am in shock reading this news. My heart goes out to you and your family at this most difficult time. Please accept my sincere condolences. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Alyssa- I am so sorry for your loss. My sympathy. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb73 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 (((Alyssa))), You sat by your Mom's side, held her hand, and never left her side. That would be my wish when I leave this earth, and you, my dear, are a wonderful daughter. God bless you for all your love which you gave to your Mom. Speaking as a very old Mom, Barbara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstdzy Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I feel your pain my sister. I lost my Mom on the 8th I feel like a lost puppy. Even though we both know that our Mom's are in a better place and feel peace and joy and they aren't feeling anything bad at all just happy, even though I know that I am sooooo sad. I miss my Momma too. But they are worth every tear we shed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alyssa0323 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Thats the only word I can describe how it feels. Everyone is asking me if I'm okay, how do I feel... I feel numb and disbelief. And I guess Mad. Mad that she wasn't given the opportunity to fight this cancer and mad that she was taken away from me and my family so quickly. Helpless, hopeless.... the list goes on and on... :0( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ts Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 25 1/2 years ago for me. I still miss my Mom. Wonder what she would say to all this? Disbelief mostly... Recall the best of days, let go of the anger, and enjoy your life as much as possible. Living well is a good way to honor what she would want for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please know you have my prayers. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellen in PA Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 There's a wonderful old movie, 'I Never Sang for my Father', that has this great line in it: "Death ends a life but not a relationship." I often think of it when I think about my parents -- mother died 2 weeks before JFK, Nov 1963, father died July 1983. Hang in there. Ellen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 I am so sorry to read your post. I had checked in with you earlier and thought things were on the up. May you know God's peace. Eternal rest be granted unto her oh Lord, and may your perpetual light shine upon her always... Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 I'm really sorry...you don't need to put it into words, we get it. So very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb45 Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I have not been on here for awhile now. I lost my husband Jan 8, 09 to SCLC. He went thru chemo & radiation, yet it still tokk him away from me. He was so optimistic!!![/b] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alyssa0323 Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Im so sorry Barb! My mom has only been gone for three months and its not getting any easier for me. She wasn't lucky enough to be able to fight this awful disease and wasn't given the time to. It was the most horrendous thing I've ever seen anyone go through. Still so angry and upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb45 Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I lost my Mom when she was 92! So i feel your pain. Losing a Mother is So hard! Its been 6 yrs & I need her still. Now I am without my parents & husband of 46 yrs. Its as tho your heart is pulled out.In time your pain will lessen tho be with you forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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