Andrea B. Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 I haven't been posting much lately, as I am sure the reason most people tend to shy away...things haven't been good. My mom took her sudden turn for the worse mid-November and things just keep declining. I am losing hope. My mom who has such a beautiful spirit and personality is slowly becoming someone I don't even recognize anymore...this pains me to no end. I know it is all the medications and the disease that make her say hurtful comments and nitpick at me, but the bottom line is it still hurts. My mom is basically chair/bedridden. She can't barely hold her head up, she is developing bedsores from not moving, she has 3 new fractures in her back causing severe pain, she is barely eating or drinking and the Iressa has been stopped and started 4 times and doesn't seem to be doing any good. I try to do all I can and feel guilty when sometimes I want to have a life outside of cancer. I am filled with an all consuming anger and it is making me into someone I don't recognize either. I feel so lost right now. I don't want to give up hope, but the way my mom is living now is not living it is merely existing. I always hold special thoughts for each of you, even though I haven't posted. I can barely find the energy to get up in the morning. Thank you for listening to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Thank you for sharing those deep, personal feelings. It must be so completely painful for you. Do you have a support system? I will say prayers for you and your family. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pritchie Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea, My heart goes out to you. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I know that with my Mom the roles have reversed, I am now the mother and she is the child. Sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me sane is my son. I usually don't post but I could feel your pain and wished I could make it go away. I pray for a cure so no-one else has to go through this. Pamela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea, I am so sorry your mom is not doing well. But I worry that you are not taking care of yourself. As a caregiver, you must take care of yourself first, so you have the energy and clearness of thought to help your mom where you can. This includes carving out a part of your life that is "cancer firee" and doesn't have to do with your mom's state. Do something you enjoy and don't feel guilty about it. You also need to talk with someone on a regular basis that you trust so you can unburden yourself. And, by all means, vent here -- that is one of the reasons this board is here. This is an especially rough time with the holidays approaching. Hang in there, and God's blessings and guildance. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCarl Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea AND Pamela, I've been on both sides of this. My Mom died of lung cancer about 5 years ago. My wife almost died twice in the last year and a half (something other than lung cancer) and now I have lung cancer myself. If there is one thing I've learned through all this it is: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Please, please, please find time to concentrate on YOU! A few minutes, a couple of hours, a full day or longer if possible. Don's idea of having someone you trust to talk to is a very good one. My wife sees a counselor once a week. There she can yell, cuss, cry or whatever she needs to do. She also takes time off when she feels she needs it to go shopping, visit friends, or whatever. Things I cannot do right now due to my lack of stamina and muscle weakness. This IS a tough time. But whatever happens, it CAN be survived. Prayers for you and your Mom. Dean Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea I am so sorry to hear about your Mom and sorry that you are going through this. I can only echo what everyone else has said. As you said this is not your Mom, its the illness and medication. If its any consolation to you all I can say is that you are doing everything you can for your mother and when the time comes that she passes on you will have no regrets or guilt feelings. Just do the best you can and try to take some time for your self. I will pray for you and your family Bess B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shelliemacs Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea, I so very much understand what your life is like right now. My mom also got to that point where it just wan't her anymore. she got very testy and different and angry and short tempered and was also bedridden/wheelchair ridden and had just awful bedsores and had so very many problems with her g-tube and pic lines and could not take any nourishment by mouth and in the end she was suffering and not living. I fealt just like you. I was compelled to be there for her but wanted MY MOM back that person was not her I was torn between her passing so her suffering would end and my loosing my mom forever. I would never see her again and that was more than I could take. I have no advice or words of hope or wisdom. Just my phone number if you want it to vent on me. I pray for your piece of mind and your moms suffering to ease. I am afraid thats all I have. Cancer sucks and it a battle we ourselves can't fight for them. If we could, we all would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debaroo Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this right now. Please try to take time for youself to take care of you...and don't feel guilty about wanting to do things that are outside of cancer. It is soo normal, and so necessary to take a break from things, to refuel and rest. This battle can depleate the health of the patient and depleate the mind and heart of their loved ones. Try to give yourself permission to take a break. It will actually allow you to give more of yourself to your mother when you are with her. This is such a hard battle, it cannot be done alone. This is a time where family and friends must help, and don't be afraid to ask-and don't be ashamed, either. I hope that this was of some help to you, as you have helped me so much-please know that you are safe here...if we could we would be there with you, physically, to help. I hope that you are able to take care of youself, too, it will benefit everyone in the long run if you do. Let us know how things go, and please know that you and your dear mother are in my thoughts and prayers. Deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Andrea, have you called in hospice yet? They will help with the pain management and the bed sores. You need some help with her care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimblanchard Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Andrea, I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm going through the same thing with my mother. It is hard to recognize my mom anymore. My mother has been in a wheel chair for about a week now and is soooooo tired all the time. I talk to her and she is half asleep. I am so sick of this disease and what it is doing to her! I totally understand. I pray for all of us. Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MO_Sugar Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Andrea, My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless you, MO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Andrea, I am so sorry for the difficult times that you are going through. I have always said that there is a great deal of fallout from my cancer diagnosis and your post gives me even more insight into that fact. I worry about what my children will be dealing with if my disease progresses and we, as a family, have tp deal with those circumstances. What I can offer is that my Mom is turning 90 on Tuesday...she doesn't have this disease but there are many challenges in caring for her. I had to place her in elder care last June following a broken hip. She can be very difficult and often totally dismisses what I am going through. So, sometimes, we just have these difficult circumstances in very close relationships and the best advice is to take care of yourself! Get the help you need. I will hold you in my heart and prayers, Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Andrea, I am so sorry that you are goinng through this. I'm praying so hard for you ... Don't let the words affect you .. know in your heart the love your Mom has for you... she spent years loving you and you are doing so good for her. God bless you. Laurie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know what you are going through at this difficult time. Please take time to take care of yourself, you need your strength. Please remember that you have the members of this board to chat with, should you need to talk. May God bless you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Karen C. Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Andrea - I don't know what to say, I haven't had to go through anything this bad, I will tell you I felt similarily frustrated with Dave recently and he was nowhere near that bad. Just know that I'm thinking of you and will stop right now and say a little prayer for God to guide you through this. I agree with Dean - gotta do something for yourself - find a counselor, whatever - or go shopping (sometimes an hour in Wal Mart does me a world of good!). Also, please please call the hospice folks. I'm surprised at how early in a situation their services can be provided. I have a dear friend who's Dad is Stage IV NSLC, has only had one chemo treatment, but they're getting hospice help. Hang in there, OK? God Bless you and your Mom, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaMRG Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 ((((((((((((((ANDREA))))))))))))))))))))) All I can send you is a hug and assurance that you're prayed for every night. There is nothing anyone can say, just sending my love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaMRG Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 ((((((((((((((ANDREA))))))))))))))))))))) All I can send you is a hug and assurance that you're prayed for every night. There is nothing anyone can say, just sending my love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna D Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Andrea, I understand what you are saying, Hang in there, and remember that the love, no matter what is still there. It is the illness and medication that has taken over. My prayers are with you in this tough time. send me a message if you need to talk, we are here to listen. Dona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karen335 Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Andrea, My heart goes out to you. Please keep the faith and God hears our prayers and answers them. Stay strong and take some time for yourself. It is just as hard on a caregiver as it is on the person with the LC. Your hands are tied and there is nothing you can do except take care of and love and support that person who is in need. Just remember, mom doesn't mean the things she is saying to you. Deep down she truly loves you. Take a deep breath, go for a bubble bath, some candles and a nice glass of wine. Remember Jesus loves you and so do we... Prayers for you and your mom. God Bless and sending warm and gentle cyber hugs "Merry Christmas" Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Dear Andrea, Oh Dear Friend, I too am very sorry to hear of all you are going through right now. (((((((((((((((((((((Andrea))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so very sorry to hear mom is having a rough time. How well I remember! We are here for you my dear. Love & Hugs, Connie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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