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I think it makes sense now.. sorry for inappropriate content


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I think I figured it out.

I have been feeling Brad's loss A LOT over the past couple of weeks. I could not figure it out as there is no "logical" reason behind it, it's just been happening.

This morning as I was replying to John's post about the young girl at the cancer center, the tv on in the background with the NHL network on, it hit me. This won't make much sense to most of you and honestly I don't know why I am even posting it but I needed to get it out of my head and figured this was as good a place as any. I will apologize in advance as I know it's not the appropriate place or topic but....

Brad was a HUGE hockey fan. He is the person who finally made sense of the game for me and I have been "addicted" ever since.

Today is the NHL's trade deadline, THE day that all the big trades are made etc. This is a hockey fans Christmas so to speak. When Brad was alive, on deadline day he would spend the day emailing me from work to find out who the latest trades were, who was going where and the deals. That night we'd catch up on the rest of the NHL news and debate who got the best deals and all. It was the highlight of the season for him...

Today I am sitting here anticipating the big news items but without his opinions and input. 3 years later and this is so hard! I cannot explain it, I just know it hurts like hell and I have not cried like this in a long time.. Hopefully it's just more healing and by the end of the day I will feel better...

Again, sorry for the off topic content...Just really needed to get that out of my head.


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I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling today. I don't find your post "off topic" at all. I find it very much on topic. It's the memories of times and events past that seem to bring out those emotions that just kind of lie dormant until there is a trigger. It has been my own personal observation that certain triggers can bring on a flood of tears that seem to start at an alarming rate of speed and continue for a surprising length of time. We NEVER really forget . Hope you will soon feel better. Brad was blessed to have had you for a friend, Chris.



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It makes sense to me, too. This day will probably always remind you of past times with Brad. It was yours and his day. I am so sorry.

I will call you later to see how you are doing. I am just so damn sorry - I hate cancer so much!!!



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Remember, The one thing that no person in the world can ever take away from you are The memories!!!

Let the tears flow like snowflakes and You'll feel better...Hugs and Prayers!!!!!

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I don't find that off topic and it makes a lot of sense. i'm sure others have those days in their lives where something is missing...and what does one do with that.

I have those days...this probably will help me understand them slightly better

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It makes perfect sense to me Chris.

For me it was passing by a residents room while working in an assisted living home. She asked me if I could get the remote to work so she could watch the Breeder's Cup. I fixed it and she asked me to stay and watch it with her. Passing by her room was quite by accident but as it turned out maybe it wasn't.

Johnny loved horse races. The last one we watched together was the Breeder's Cup the year before. Not only did it make me feel a little sad but it also made me feel like he was still around and letting me know it. I will never believe it was an accident. I was meant to be there just as you were meant to remember that day special to both of you.

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I am so glad you posted to tell your story. Rod and I had talked about getting Directv but never did. He loved Nascar and we always watched it. I got Directv this year and my plan has Speed channel, he would have LOVED that channel, but now I can not watch Nascar. I tuned in for the Daytona 500 and just about lost it. I understand...


PS I would give everything to hold him one more time, I never knew how strong that need could be. Cancer does indeed suck.

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Thank you, all, for your kind words and understanding. It really amazes me at times how the little things can just bring it ALL back, ya know?

I haven't been on this site much lately, just been working on my own projects and living life I guess.

Tonight marks another milestone that Brad would have LOVED.. Tonight will be the first LIVE hockey game for my 10 yr old son. It will be an adventure for sure and I am so excited about it. I know Brad would have been, too and I am sure he will be "there"....

Although I am not as active here as I used to be, I still read and I still continue to hold all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

Many hugs and thanks


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