Update on my stepdad

[photokakar]

I haven't written for awhile, although I still pop on and read for inspiration! My step dad has been hanging in there for a couple months...in fact, I have become his main caretaker besides my mom, and have been loving every minute of it! He is at home under the care of hospice and has been very stable. He still cannot walk, because the mets to his spine and hip, and although they were radiated and relieved the pain, he has no muscle in his legs because it has been so long since he has stood on them ( 2 months at least). He seems to think that radiation is did something, because the pain went away. He is in pretty good spirits, but hates being confined to the bed. We do get him in the wheelchair quite often so he can eat at the table and hang out on the deck on nice days. He and my mom really want to take a trip, but he cannot use his legs, so he cannot get down the steps to the car and still has a catheter also. His energy level varies day to day and sometimes he is awake and hanging out all day with me and others he is very sleepy...In fact, this Wednesday we watched movies, played cards, did PT by getting him to stand for a few minutes with the walker and more...then Thurs, Fri and today he has been wiped out. Today he has slept most of the day and of course, my mom worries because it seems to be from one extreme to the other...feeling great then not eating and sleeping all day...very much an emotional roller coaster. She always worries that he is slipping away when he has bad days...I guess that is normal to be so worried when things seem to worsen for a few days. Lets hope he rallies back to the card playing self this week! He is not on any meds now to prevent the cancer from spreading and growing...he did try tarceva, but the mouth sores and diarrehea was so bad that they took him off and didnt put him back on. He isnt really supposed to be on it anyway with hospice involved...sometimes they get on my nerves but wanting to push upping his pain meds...he even told them that he doesnt need more med right now!!

Anyway, he had a bad day today and I guess that is why I am writing. I havent been in denial, but I have had so much fun hanging out with him and he has been in such great spirits, that I have kinda pushed the fact that he is terminal to the back of my head and now, today, seeing him sleeping and not well....it resurfaced all the emotions of death and how the end is going to come. Can you be soooo good one day and then the next be sooo bad and then feel good again? I will never stop believing in miracles.

Please continue to pray for him....as I do for all of you. Although I dont post a lot, I still am keeping up with how everyone is doing.

Jenn

[SandraL]

Hi Jenn. I am so glad that you are enjoying your time with your step dad. He is so lucky to have you. It's not great that he is not able to do more but you are seeing the bright side of his good days. All I can say is to continue to focus on those...the good days. Nobody knows how long we each have left in this world so all we can do is enjoy the ones we have. Take care. I am sending lots of prayers for your step dad.

Sandra

[Flyman35]

Hi Jenn. It sounds like you are creating some great special memories with your step dad. It is tough to see them go through their bad days. I pray that he rallies and is playing cards with you once again. Try to focus oin the good days as we never know what tomorrow will bring.

Take care

Denise

[shineladysue]

(((Jenn))),

Your step dad is so blessed to have you . I will keep both of you and your family in my prayers.

Hugs,

Sue

[Janet B]

Jenn - these days you are having with your step dad are such a gift to you and him. My prayers go out for both of you -

peace - janet