jaminkw Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 This is me three weeks after finding my lung cancer had progressed after six months off Avastin, a year and one month of total remission. I seem to be following my usual pattern of dealing with reality--from numbness to gradual acceptance of reality with most breakthroughs appearing as I wake from sleep. This morning just after 2 am. It was much easier to maintain my "word not allowed-eyed optomism" when I figured since my "no tumor" cancer was an odd-ball and had shown itself in an unexpected manner and that I could beat the odds. I woke up this morning thinking of those 3-5 year stats with the realization that they could apply to me. I think I need to begin to get my affairs in order. It's not that I plan on dying anytime soon but I know survivors who have done this and continue to survive but with more peace of mind. And I have so much stuff to attend to! It's been a joke up until now when my husband insists that I better get a list of all computer accounts, passwords, etc. as he doesn't even turn a computer on and I have most of our life in it. Not funny anymore when I say "yeh, yeh, I'll get to it." And family photos. They are everywhere. I have a small house and it's hard to gather them all in one place but I need to work on that. I also have files of "stuff" I've saved including old writings, scraps of writings, poetry in various forms through to completion. My grandson is showing some propensity for writing and I want to organize them for him. He read some of mine but I decided to hold most for later when he said my poetry was "dark." He is a little dark himself at age 10. Our childhood traumas are different but both experienced multiple abandonments. It makes me cry right now to think of leaving him. Enough for now. Hope my next post will be in just for fun! Judy in Key West Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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