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Two steps forward...one step back....


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This is how I seem to be with my emotions right now.

Yesterday I was feeling guilty because I hadn't cried for two days and I was telling my husband that there are people stating that they can not live without their parents and yet I don't feel that way. I just feel numb.

Yet today the flood gates of tears came, right after the children headed off to school, and I felt that I couldn't control them.

I had to go and register dad's death with his bank today and close down his bank account. It really hurts me to do these things because I feel that with every person of authority that I inform I am closing another door on my dad's life :(

His ashes are waiting at the Funeral Parlour for me to collect, but I just can't bring myself to go and get them. It makes me quite sick to think of where he went when that final curtain was drawn at the Service last week and every time I think of what was left of his body in a tiny box it makes me feel physically sick. I will speak with the Reverend and set a date for interment. There is already a family plot waiting for him and so I may see if the Funeral director will bring his ashes straight to the church for me. I'm not sure if they will do that, but I guess I can ask?

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Caren, numbness is a defense against pain. I believe our bodies are very intelligent and know what we can handle and when. That you notice the numbness is key and releasing it eventually like you did today is essestial. Hope you can resolve the issue of the disposal of your Dad's remains with as little pain to you as necessary. Healing thoughts your way.

Judy in Key West

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