Jump to content

After almost 6 years


palves

Recommended Posts

of fighting my dad lost his fight Saturday morning around 4:30 am. About 2 weeks ago I took him to the ER because the tumor in the brain (met from the lung) had caused some additional coordination/balance problems and he had fallen and couldn't get up. The result was that there was really nothing left to do. The liver had mets that had increased, even with surgery or radiation functionality wouldn't necessarly come back. Decision was made to send him to rehab for a bit to see if he could get a bit more strength in his legs / arms to assist w/ transfers. he really wanted to go home. He went downhill from the time he got to rehab - needed oxygen (never needed it before), began to swell, and developed pneumonia. He really wanted to go home and we would have taken him home this week. I feel really horrible that he didn't get home and that he was alone last night (we weren't told before we left last night that it looked like this was it although we knew he was struggling). While the call at 4:30 was a surpris it really wasn't a surprise.

Feeling all kinds of emotions sadnss, relief, and guilt .....

Thanks everyone for being there for the last few years, although I didn't write much, I did ask for advice on/off and everyone was so giving. Appreciate and love you all...

Paula

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Paula, You took wonderful care of your Dad. Take pride in that fact and dont second guess anything. My thoughts and prayers and condolences to you and the family. cherish the memories of the good times, and remember that one thing Cancer can't take away are the memories and the love!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh so sorry, Paula. Please know that we are STILL here for you now. Please don't go second-guessing everything. You were a marvelous support all these years ~ a wonderful daughter. It was a long journey you and your dad were on. Hopefully many memories of the dad you loved will bring you some comfort in the days ahead.

Kasey

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Paula, my condolences on the loss of your dear father. It is sad that he wasn't able to recover enough to get home but that couldn't be helped. As far as him dying alone, I've known people who have sat by a loved ones beside for hours and hours only to have them pass on when they finally walk out the door for a cup of coffee. I sometimes think people chose the time that is most comfortable for them to leave. He perhaps could not bear to see your pain as he passed on. It's o.k.

Judy in Key West

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Paula,

I'm so very sorry. My prayers for you right now and that someday soon warm memories of your dad will comfort you.

We are always right here for you.

(((hugs)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Paula,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I knew your dad was going down a road similar to Suki's, but this must seem awfully fast for you. My belief system is such that I believe people who are terminally ill with cancer or another progressive fatal illness have a lot of control over the the circumstances of their death. I believe Suki waited for me, my brother and my father and our respective partners to be with her before she died. So I believe your father wanted to be alone when he died -- not out of any lack of love, but just because that was his preference. This might be hard to hear and it's OK if you think I'm full of baloney, but that's what I believe. Maybe in his heart he thought this was easier for you, maybe he was just very private. Who knows. I do know you have enough of an emotional rollar coaster to ride in the coming days, weeks and months (years?) that you don't need to add second-guessing the details of his death. His suffering is over, which is the great news. I feel for you and the rest of your family whose missing him (yes, suffering, I am really suffering today, especially) has only just begun.

Love and peace to all of you.

xo

amie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Paula,

I know words are of so little comfort right now, and nothing I can say will ease any of your pain. But please know that I am praying for you and your family right now. I am so sorry for your loss.

Please please try not to look back and second guess your situation. You have enough emotions and pain to deal with without adding guilt. Hindsight is 20/20, and you made the best decisions you could based on the information you knew at the time. You were a wonderful and caring, supportive daughter, and I'm positive your dad knew and felt that every day.

Take care of you, and I pray that God grant you peace and comfort.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone. I have been doing ok. Still a lot of second guessing. But I suppose thats normal. We have been surrounded bya lot of comfort the last few days. The next few will feel so strange I'm sure. I' m so used to running to do this or that, expecially the last 2-3 weeks. Kind of feel, empty, raw, not sure . want to crawl under the covers and hide for a few days I think. But mom, MIL, kids, I just can't .... I'll make it just need to take a step back and let the emotions rule for a bit.

Paula

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...