Jump to content

I am a little depressed


Recommended Posts

Hi, I am new and a little depressed right now. I hope you do not mind my joining a lung cancer survivor group, but most of the people with my type of throat cancer that has spread to the lungs don't usually live as long and as well as I have since 2001 so I don't really have a lot of support groups open to me. My doctor is supposedly the expert on head, neck and lung cancer treatment in the world and even the oncologists at MD Anderson have said that they would go to him if they had lung cancer and he is wonderful. I have been through all of it with being in a medically induced coma due to aspiration pneumonia, 1 major surgery and 8 minor surgeries all in one year plus 6 weeks of radiation and 2 rounds of chemo with remission and then reocurrence in 9/02. I have now only done experimental chemo so I think I have a lot of good information I can help people with. I have two experimental nurses that I can e-mail with questions so I have been very lucky plus I have a wierdly good immune system so far. I am depressed tonight because I have gained almost 10 pounds in two months plus my lungs sound great but my three tumors in both lungs grew 18% so they are now between 1.2 cms. and 2 cms. Even my throat surgeon thought stable disease. My throat surgeon and I were thinking remission but as my one oncologist said today that the drug thalidomide is slow acting so I have to wait two months to see if it is stable, progressive, or shrank. I had to go fend off the bill collectors today and I have at least 10 I am dealing with now. My ex-husband died last year on 12/26 of brain cancer. I am now having my house tested for radon but have to make sure that my house insurance covers the cost of repair which is $800.00 - $2000.00. I used up all of my accrued sick leave from work during the ICU and coma and now use all of it for out patient treatment. My daughter goes off to college and is extremely talented and wonderful and thank goodness will receive a lot of financial support because you can't fall in a lower tax bracket than mine. She is going to go to UCLA with such high SAT scores that she will get 99% financial aid. My ex-husband died with no insurance but large debts including the IRS which they have been wonderful with trying to put my debt off for him. My family has been wonderful also, but now my car is making a clunking sound in the rear and I don't honestly know what to do with that but hope it waits until I get through Christmas. Not really a pity party but I needed to unload. My boyfriend is not really able to be there for me too much he has too many issues to work through and yes I should break it off with him but he still makes me feel good despite the loss of my voice box and the various scars. I don't look like I have cancer thank goodness. No loss of hair during all of this time knock on wood. I did go down to 87 pounds but gained 15 in three months despite a feeding tube and just forced food down my throat all day long. I walk every day, work full-time, eat spinach and prunes and cheeseburgers and totally enjoy my life. Let my know if you don't want me to post anymore since I don't technically have lung cancer even though my treatments including Xeloda are experimental for lung cancer. I have also applied for radiofrequency ablation of the lungs. Duke Univ. was nice enough to send me a list of approved centers. I just want these things gone. I am getting tired of all of this and want to watch my daughter succeed. She is not ready to be parentless. Thank you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to our group. It is the best support group you could ask for.

Don't worry about unloading here, I think everyone does at some point. Just know that there are plenty of people here who understand what you are going through.

As far as the bill collectors go.....file bankruptcy if you can. I know it won't do anything for the IRS issue but it might be of help to you at this point in your life if possible. They can't take your home or your car or your pension, 401k if you have one.

Other than that, do what you can, and let the rest be up to God.

I am so sorry you have to be here, but like I said before, this is the most wonderful place to be for support.

Much love,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please don't assume you cannot get rid of IRS debt with bankrupcy. As long as it is personal taxes owed and not money owed for your emplyoee's benefit, it is possible to get rid of IRS debt with bankrupcy. find a lawyer who specializes in it. I owed IRS 40K thanks to interest and penalties and it was all dismissed along with my other bills, that was 7 years ago.

You need a lawyer who specializes in IRS, but fairly easy to find.

Hope this helps


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all so much for your responses. I am much better today, and I know I will be fine. I have made it this far, and don't plan to give up yet. I am not too worried about the money issue. My financial state will hopefully be improved next year sometime and the IRS has been really good about pretty much putting the debt off. My daugther is wonderful, and she thinks I am superwoman (scary thought). I just thought that I would go into remission since I felt so good. Have a great Christmas and you are all so wonderful and interesting and smart.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I stopped talking to the two bill collectors who have chosen to attempt to make my life miserable but yesterday my daugter commited the sin of answering one of thier phone calls and I got stuck talking to one. I have to admit he was very nice about it, but they just don't seem to want to get it through their heads that I will not file bankruptcy because I have too much equity in my house I would end up losing it. Which is totally unacceptable, and I don't feel that considering my illness at this time that I am comfortable with taking on a refinance or equity loan on my Home to cover some credit cards. I've managed to keep everything except two cards up todate and if they would agree to accept $25 a month payments they would be getting that at least but they while they encourage me to send that in as a "good faith" payment they won't acctually make it a formal agreement which would stop them from calling & harassing me. I tried the good faith thing when I first got sick and they still acted like I hadn't paid them a dime, so I stopped.

I'm on SSDI so they can't touch me for now, until I go back to work. When I go back to work I'll look into equity loans to pay off everything not just the two I'm having trouble with. I have enough health related issues to worry about right now, I refuse to let them bring me down.

I'm glad that you've found this board (sorry for the unloading I just did myself.. not sure where that came from) I'm fairly new here myself but its a warm and welcoming place. I'm looking forward to learning more about you & these experimental treatments your mentioning!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.