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trying to just get through


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September always used to be our favorite time of year. Keith and I both loved the fall, the changing of the leaves, the weather turning perfectly not too warm and humid, not cold. And most importantly his birthday. September 14th Keith would have turned 38.

Now, I am just trying to hold myself up and make it through this month. I miss him so much.

He was truly the most amazing person I ever met. He had such a fire and light inside him. Have you ever met a person who just lite up a room just by being there. He had such energy, such a great sense of humor. People gravitated to him naturally as he had a drawing presence. It was impossible to not notice and admire him. He was such fun, he was also such a caring and good man. All rolled into one handsome package.

I am consumed with self pity for all the things I'm missing out on. I'm missing out on the celebration we should have had. I'm missing out on the child like, innocent exuberance for birthdays that he exuded. I'm just plain old missing him. I wish I could relive just one more day with him. I wish I could have one more birthday.

Because of our love of this time of year, we also married in September. Our anniversary is coming up on the 25th. So I am waiting here in anxiety and tension waiting for that blade to drop. September just SUCKS!

I LOVE YOU KEITH! Happy Birthday, and I hope you are showing those angels up there a wild and fun time as only you can.

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Celebrate the good fun times Ya had Carleen!!! Remember that The one thing that the cancer can not take away is teh great memories we have for our loved ones..

Sayin a prayer and hoping for the sun to shine brightly on YA this month!!

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My heart goes out to you. This is a sad time for me too for many reasons.

I hope that soon you will be feeling only the love and not the pain.

As for that wish for one more day There is a song called one more day. It tells all the things you would do with just one more day but then it says I know what it would do, leave me wishing still for one more day with you.

(((hugs)))) and best memories to you.


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I hope tomorrow brings you some Joyous memories Carleen!! I believe it will be a blessed day in that your Current Hubby also knew Keith...

Hugs and prayers !!!!

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Thanks guys! I know I can always count on you to lift me up when my spirits start to plummet.

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow, but am hoping it will be a good day filled with warm memories. It's ironic, but sometimes the good and happy memories are the ones that hurt me the most because those remind me of what I'm missing.

However, as things turn out, tomorrow should be a really busy day, and I've been reminded by some greater power that I need to stop feeling so bad, and having these pity parties, and instead focus on others and what I can do to help those less fortunate. I was called today by a good friend (actually my maid of honor), who needs my help tomorrow. As it turns out, she is in an abusive relationship which she has kept hidden mostly from her friends and family. But she has had enough and she has asked me to gather some friends and come get her out. So tomorrow will be stealth maneuvers and lots of active, expediant work such that I probably won't have much time to think at all, much less time to feel sorry for myself. Athough it's not a good situation, I believe it is God's way of showing me that I don't have things that bad, and that I need to stop pushing myself down but instead be strong so in turn I can be strong for and help others.

I know it isn't cancer related, but if you find some time in your prayer schedules today, please say some for my friend Dawn and her kids. She has a 15 year old son and an 18 month old daughter. She could use prayers for a safe escape, and prayers that God grant her some comfort and help her in reestablishing herself, finding a job, residence and support.

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