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My long awaited update!


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I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back here to this great place. It's just hard. I still don't even know where to start!!

The beginning of the end i guess.

We had hospice coming out. She was still walking around but so weak, not eating much. She was on 02 the last six weeks also. That was really hard for her, she sunk into a deep depression, and the anxiety level was at it's highest. She started to stay in bed more. We started to see her withdraw from us, but we didn't realize it at the time. My sister and I were greiving our mom before she ever died! Those hugs and kisses and smiles weren't there anymore. This was so hard, she was the most loving mom ever.

Three days before she died, I was over with my sister and mom's mom and my daddy. Mom was sleeping more, harder to wake, and began to fill up with fluid... She was scared. God we all were. All of our family came over and prayed for her. She woke up to a house full and sat up, and said, 'whats going on? ya'll think I'm dying here or what?' We assured her we just had a wonderful prayer for her. That was all she ever wanted, was for prayer or for someone to read the bible to her. She went back to sleep, we had the nurse come over, who confirmed our worst fears, this was the beginning of the end.

We had a very restless night with her, up and down, coughing, fever...She said, 'if it were up to me I'd go to the hospital people! I'm getting so weak and I can barely breathe.' We assured her it was up to her. She got up and headed to the back porch for a smoke. We had to help her walk. She hated that they (cigs) still had ahold on her even at this point. She beat herself up over it. She sat down with my sis and told her, nothing is going to happen to me, but just in case, I want you and christy to know I'm very proud of you both... :( So me and dad gathered a few things and headed to the hospital.

They did a ct scan and found the cancer in both lungs. She was on a bipap machine to help her breathe. She hated it. She kept trying to get up, take it off, was so restless... This was wed morning. For two days we watched mom slip away.. She never lost her mind, always giving us kisses, trying to talk.. We decided to get rid of the bipap machine, which was just prolonging the inevitable..

Thursday nigtht, with her sisters and brother and mom and other fam around, mom said she had to go, I asked her where, she could barely talk mind you, and clear as bell, she said 'wherever the Lord takes me, I've got to tell you all good bye... I'm crying and screaming for my dad, she's telling us goodbye! She called out for her sister veronica, who was standing in the back, to make sure she was there too, and she then said, the lord had prepared a place for her! Talk about a blessing, a true God thing. Mom had went there to get better, she wasn't ready to go, but when He finally gave her that peace, it was beautiful and much needed for us all. We watched her 02 slowly fall the rest of the night. Me and my sis and dad and a cpl aunts, and cousins, as well my baby girl, who at 16 was so strong for her nana, stayed with her taking turns at her side, and playing Selah's Hiding Places cd, her favorite.. Then at 7:05 am friday august 29, last year, mom went to be with Him.

I had friend Vanessa from church come and pray for mom at the hospital. She brought her five year old daughter, who had drawn mom a picture of a little girl flying a kite and a big butterfly in the background. Mom asked for the picture twice, she held on to it. Vanessa shared a story with me as she left about her stepdaughter, who had passed away very young. Her daddy brought her a butterfly home one day, and she said , 'no daddy, butterflies are meant to be free!!' I shared that with mom. I think she was the butterfly, it was time for her to be free. God works in mysterious ways.

I'm sorry it was so long, thank you for reading.


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Christy, Ya don't have to apologize for anything. I am glad your mom was with loved ones and family and prayer. I am glad she was at peace that is a wondrous place to be under the circumstances. My thoughts and prayers for you and the family now. I hope ya get some sunshine in life now through all the pain and darkness!!

Cancer may take the body but never takes the love away!!!!

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