lilyjohn Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Judy I am not trying to steal your place by opening again. I just have a lot on my mind and was up at 5am again this morning, It is still windy and raining here but it is supposed to ease up around mid day. I realy haven't minded the rain, it has been a long while sense we had any. Well today is the day I give my little speach at our meeting. I read it to Terry and he thinks it is great but that it will probably go right over most of their heads. I really don't care if it does. I have two points to make, one is that I am smart enough to choose my own friends(I think Linda will get that message) and that I have more important things I want and need to do besides running errands for everyone here. My speach started out as a way to vent my anger and maybe even try to get even. It has ended up making me think and make a few important decisions. When I retired I had such big plans for my time. Do more with my writing, finish the majority of my family tree research and spend more time with family and here on the board. I have sorely neglected all of those things. I got so caught up in fitting in here that I nearly lost track of what is most important to me. I am seriously thinking of taking a class for berievement counciling. I am just not sure that I can do it the way that is expected. From my own experience I have learned that the clinical way is not always the best way. I know that I have helped a few people who are cosumed by grief just as I was. The key is to just let them know by telling a few of your own feelings that you really do know what it feels like, then letting them talk. So many people want to tell us how to grieve and how long we should grieve and I have learned that no matter what else is going on in our lives grief will always be a part of it. Not the total gut wrenching pain that we feel at first but a pain that we get so used to it becomes a part of us. So I am not sure if that will pan out. I just know that one way or another I plan on being here more. I want to try in some small way to give back to the people here who have given so much to me over the last few years. I doubt that I could have survived without all of you. I owe you my life. Just want too to let you know I spoke with Michelle last night. My heart truly aches for her. I remember only too well what that first night alone is like. Doesn't matter that others are with you. You are still so alone. I just wanted her to know that there is someone who really does know and understand. There are many more here besides myself who I know understand as well. One lesson I have learned is that every time I reach out and try to help someone else up, I lift myself up as well. Saying prayers today for Michelle and so many more who are starting down this terrible road that she is on. So to get back on track please lets have some happy thoughts. I had no intention of getting so serious but my heart is just so full this morning. Please wish me luck today and that I don't lose my nerve Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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