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today's meeting


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Well we had our meeting and I read my little speach. I am not really sure how much of it they got but some I am sure. I had toned it down quite a bit. I just can't make myself say hurtful things. Just a bunch of old people who don't know any better I guess. Still I did say that I won't take on anything else after accepting the Thanksgiving Dinner and monthly pancake breakfasts I had suggested.

I also had a lot in there about priorities and choosing my own friends. Did I get my point across? I am not really sure. As usual I got too damn emotional. Seems that sense Johnny died I can't do anything without the tears starting.

One of my ideas is to go to classes for greif counciling through hospice. I think that is something I would like to do but I am not sure how well I would obey the rules. My neighbor lost her husband almost 2 years ago and she said she thinks I would be good at it because I have helped her a lot. Still a part of me wants to hold back. I have until Spring to decide.

Kind of finishing up a few projects right now and doing my laundry. With so much to do I find myself doing little. I guess I just need to regroup. I think finding out that I still have some of the feelings I do has really thrown me more than I realized. I am pretty sure I know someone else who was so sure it would never happen that he too is having a hard time dealing with either his or my feelings. Maybe both. Situation here sure doesn't help.

Anyway everyone tried to be understanding. I don't think they really realized just what I was telling them. They are so used to my stepping up for everything. I guess the first time I don't it will hit home.

Not sure what is going on with him today. I talked to him only for a minute this morning. His headache was gone but I feel there is more and it worries me. Guess I need to stop being an old mother hen. Especially sense mothering him is the last thing I want to do. I sure don't want that reminder of our age difference :roll:

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Glad you got that meeting off your plate Lily. Don't push yourself to do too much yet. You probably do need time to regroup. I think you're right, if the people there didn't really get it today, they will the first time you say no. I think you should consider the training for grief counseling if you feel it's something you'd be good at and would benefit from in giving back. Don't worry about doing it in a precise or orthodox manner. I know I was a good counselor and orthodox I was not. Adapting to the other person's needs is more important than following a script. If I every said "and how does that make you feel" to one of my clients, they would have probably laughed.

Feel better now. Don't worry about the situation with the man. That will will go forward or not. That's one thing about relationships. At some point they either move forward or not. When intense feelings are involved, things can seldom just stay the same.

Judy in Key West

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