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just taking a moment


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it's been awhile since I have been to this site. It's hard to come here and read the stories of so many people struggling with this awful disease. It's been almost three years since I lost my husband. he was 39 when he passed. He was a healthy, robust, athletic fire fighter when he was diagnoised. How and why do these things happen? I ask myself this question everyday. How do we carry on? he left behind a 5 year old (now 8 and struggling to remember Daddy) and a 13 year old (right at the time she needs Daddy the most). I am so lost and so angry, and I question the God that I always believed would comfort and protect me. Some days it is just too much to bear, too much to carry on my shoulders. I am so tired, and I miss my Christopher so very very much.

Thanks for letting me vent, I'm so sorry for us all.

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Dear Goldy that is what we are here for, to vent when we need to and to have others who understand. I was not left alone with small children. I can only imagine how hard that is. I do know what it is like to lose the love of your life as do many others here.

Please come often and read. Don't think that you are too different either because time doesn't make that much difference. Some of us lost our loves years ago, myself and Ann are coming up on our 7th aniversary and it still hurts. There are good days now actually more good than bad but it wasn't easy getting here. I have had to struggle every step of the way.

Please any time you need someone to talk to pm me or if you want I will give you my phone number. It really does help to talk to someone who understands and it helps me as well. I feel like if I can help one person in just the smallest way it justifies me still being here and the pain and heartache I have had to live with. So please don't keep it bottled up reach out and we will reach out to you. Even if all you need is a shoulder to cry on or to talk about your Christopher.

I started a thread about the elephant in the room poem and how hard it is when we want to remember the one we lost and most people try to avoid the subject. I know I wanted to talk and remember but no one really wanted to hear. When that would happen it made it feel like I was losing all of my Johnny over and over again.


Please know that you are not alone and will be in my thoughts and prayers. Lillian

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