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kimblanchard

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Dear Christina

5 1/2 months is no time at all, and you are most likely still in the "dazed" stage. This affects all of us very differently. Two weeks after my husband's death, I was stripping wallpaper and painting. It seemed perfectly reasonable at the time, but looking back I know I was in a state of shock. I had to fill every minute of every day, just wishing the hours to pass so I could go to the oblivion of my bed.

After the shock wore off, I became unable to do the simplest things - everything seemed pointless and too much effort.

I think you may be mistaken about not being depressed. Depression has many signs aside from crying all day. Being unable to concentrate, loss of appetite, sleeping a great deal, lethargy - all part of depression.

It's good you have a job, but try and take a little time to do things you enjoy - a long hot soak, reading a book, watching a movie, just going for a walk or yes - even "wasting" a day away. Be gentle with yourself and don't push too hard, o.k.?

What kind of support do you have? Family, friends....? Have you seen a counselor or joined a support group?

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Christina....You know, I think I did better immediately following Dennis' death than I am doing right this minute. I do believe that we have that build in "shock protector" system that allows us to move and do but not feel! Now that my system is one year out of that mode, I am being hit really hard! I went through a drawer the other day that has sympathy cards, letters and other things from the time of Dennis' death and it was like seeing them for the first time. Like you, I have been very non-motivated and have a hard time completing tasks. I do better at work than at home....I think mainly because I have no urgency to get anything done at home now! Please know that your are dealing with things on a schedule similar to the rest of us. So great to hear from you!!!!

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