Neglect of my son

[michellep]

I've just been so distraught these past 18 days that I've been emotionally neglecting my son and didn't even realize it until last night. My son is from my prior marriage to Don, but they were so close...like best friends. Each and everyday my son has been asking what he can do for me....trying to comfort me and I was oblivious to what "he" was feeling.

I feel awful but I'm also glad that it has finally come to my attention that I am not the "only one" in pain here. So.....I'm going to work on pulling myself together a bit and try to focus some attention on my son as well.

My husband would never want to see either of us in this kind of pain. I'm going to keep taking my meds and start therapy as soon as possible. Maybe my son should go too.

Have a blessed week-end everyone!

[RandyW]

I think your on to something Michelle!! hugs and prayers for BOTH of YA!!!

[fillise]

((((Michelle))))

[lilyjohn]

Whatever it takes Michelle. You have your son and the two of you can share your memories and your pain. Don't push him away. I know it is hard to hold on to someone else even your own child when you own pain is so deep and you are so raw.

Those memoreis are so precious and when you share them with someone else who loved Don then he lives again.

Once again I will remind you to be careful with the meds. They are good to take some of the edge of or let you sleep but remember when they wear off the pain will still be there. Sooner or later you will have to deal with it. Again whenever you need to talk I am a phone call away.

Love Lillian

[Outrider1]

Michelle,

After my husband died, my youngest daughter who was daddy's favorite, seemed to have a good grip on her grief. Her thought (at the time) was he's in heaven with His mom and my dad and everything was right with the world. It wasn't till a couple of years later that we understood that she was acting out (mainly away from home where we did not see it) in a bid to get that attention back. It lead to her being sexually assaulted by a family member/long time friend of the family (over 16 years) starting when she was 12/13.

I had gotten her a little counseling but it was mainly in a school setting when she probably needed some one on one. It also did not help her that her brother was also acting out (had been since before his father died due to other mental issues(ie: severe adhd, opd, and bi-polar disorder)). After the assault, I got her counseling, but she said it wasn't helping her. She talks to me or her older sister right at this point, but I still think, if I can find a way to get it done, that I will try to find her more counseling.

Anyway, my point is that he is focusing on you and not his own grieving and needs to be given permission (so-to-speak) to grieve. Talking about your Don and sharing the laughs and tears will help, but a suggestion is to ask your own counselor for a referral for him. It will help in the long run. You might also look into Boy's/Girl's clubs or a mentor program for him. He may not be ready for that just yet, but it is good to have in your back pocket when he is.

Dawn

[Ry]

It's a good idea for your son to go also. I had my daughter go for awhile. She had a lot of anger and didn't know how to cope -- it helped her a great deal.

[jaminkw]

Michelle, glad to hear you're taking your son into the counseling loop. You can go together or individually. My grandson, in fact, participated in extended counseling with hospice after his second loss to cancer.

Judy in Key West