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In loving memory of our dear and wise friend Dean Carl


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There are so many of us here who remember him. He had a wit and an honesty that is very rare in this day and age. Dean had lived a rough life and in the end he chose quality over quanity. Because I feel so strongly about a person's individual right to choose I had and still do have the greatest respect for that very specail man.

I sent him a pm at one time. He wrote back to me and told me something that I will never forget. He told me how when he first joined this board he had read the posts of many people some he was drawn to. others he was not. He told me that frankly I was one who he was not drawn to. He found me angry and bitter and lost.

He went on to say how that had changed and how much he enjoyed seeing me progress and the person I had become. We wrote to one another for a while until he got so weak that he didn't write much anymore. I want to share with you something special that he sent to me. He shows what a very specail and caring man he was. I had called him my friend in a letter this is his response.

Now, let's see if I can say this right. You have named me "friend" and I accept that though we have never met. I hope I can be a good friend. I'm pretty sure I can. But I do have one concern. You know from my posts that I am not actively fighting this illness. I have decided the quality of my life far outweighs the quantity. To put it bluntly ... this disease WILL kill me. I know this and accept it. I am already starting to deteriate physically. And a bit faster than was expected. A month ago I could take my laundery to the laudermat and do all of it with no help and I wasn't on oxygen at the time. A week ago I needed my daughters help and needed my oxygen and a walker the whole time. I'm starting to feel some pain in the middle and on the left side of my chest. The primary tumor is on the right side so there's a good chance it's metastisized to the left lung or the lymph nodes on the left side. Chance are pretty good that I will not see the end of this year, if I even live that long. No doctor has told me that. It's just a feeling I have inside me.

I'm telling you all this for a reason. I know this disease has hurt you very badly. I would understand completely if you didn't want to get close (even an "internet" friendship) with someone who WILL die from it and probably sooner rather than later. If, however, you DO want a friend ... I'd like that very much.


such a remarkable man and very much missed by this one very humble "friend" So again I dedicate this post in loving memory of our dear gone but never forgotten Dean Carl

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I am in the process of moving and while packing mementos, came across one that Dean and his wife had sent me, a craft project that simply said "LAUGH". Dean made it and sent it to me because he enjoyed all the jokes that I once posted on Just for Laughs.

I had had many phone conversations with Dean and know that the world lost a very caring soul when his light went out. I sure wish things could have worked out differently and I had met him as a bus driver and not a fellow cancer patient.

I miss him, too.

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I remember Dean from towards the end of his journey but his wit and wisdom I never forget and sometimes go looking for in the forums!!

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Dean Carl was a truly remarkable man and I believe he changed the way that many board members thought about death and the dying process. Like others, I talked to Dean Carl and Gay many times on the phone and I was always amazed at his ability to have such a positive outlook, considering all that he was dealing with.

I am so glad that this month is OUR SPECIAL MONTH and is truly a time to remember our lost friends and loved ones!!!

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