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Remembering....


Ann

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For those of you that have lost loved ones, I imagine you can relate to this post.

One of the things that has really bothered since losing Dennis in 2002, is the fact that people, other than my children, don't talk about him with me. It makes me feel as if they don't remember that he ever existed. Maybe they don't talk to me for fear that their thoughts and words will hurt me and bring on a lot of pain.

What people don't understand is that the pain is always there and the talking and remembering seems to ease the pain. I remember that Dennis once said, not long before he died, "every time you think of me, I will be alive." I'm not sure if that is something he heard or read somewhere, but I will never forget his words. I try to think of him every single day and in doing so, I am keeping him alive in my heart.

On Sunday, I was registering entries for a chili cook-off and when I asked for the first names of a couple, I raised my head at their answer. These two were very good friends of my husband's, as both of the men were in the plumbing business. When Dennis became ill, they had just adopted a baby. This baby is now a beautiful young lady and looking at her made me realize just how much time has passed since I lost Dennis. Anyway, it was so nice to hear these people talk about Dennis!!! They told me how often they think of him and how much they miss him. This little conversation did my heart so much good, for I realized that he had not been forgotten!!!

So, if you see someone that has lost the love of their life, please talk to them and keep the love alive.....if only in their hearts!!!

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I've never understood why people do that either. I remember thinking it was so weird how often people commented about how my family talked so much about my Dad after he died, like it was so odd that we continued to talk about him. I thought - no, it is odd that you think we should stop talking about him. I've had people tell me they didn't want to upset me. As if I totally forgot my Dad was gone until they mentioned it. Please!

Like you, I just love it when people want to talk to me about the people in my life that are gone. They are still a huge part of my life so I still want to hear stories about them and talk about them. I find comfort in knowing that others miss them, think about them, laugh at the memories.

I'm glad you had a nice interaction with people that also could tell you they miss Dennis and think about him. It doesn't hurt to hear that, it helps. I wish more folks understood that.

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Yes it is like that poem The elephant in the room.

I believe that everyone we lose take a part of us with them and leave a part of themselves with us. Because of that I know that whenever I think about them or talk about them they live again through me. Please don't ever refuse to talk about someones departed loved one. It is almost like an act of cruelty when you do refuse.

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I think people avoid the person who passed because they dont want to see you in pain over them. I have had people mention Deb and apologize for doing it!! Said its ok I am alright now! They just kinda felt like they were putting a knife in me I think!!

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One of my workmates lost a daughter at the age of 16. She dropped over at soccer practice and died a few days later - an undetected genetic heart problem. This was a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Some years later at the beginning of November I mentioned to this coworker that I think of her every November and asked just how old Jenny would be. Well...........she began weeping. I felt terrible. I apologized all over myself for bringing her so much pain. And what she said amazed me. She said she cried because I REMEMBERED and said her daughter's name and nobody else had ever done that. What a powerful message. I carry that with me always and do what I can for those who have lost someone.

Kasey

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Ann I'm glad you posted this. I am the only person other than my kids who says Rod's name, or Dad. I just don't understand how people think bringing it up will hurt me or be a problem. They can't really think I have forgotten he died can they? That if they say something I will suddenly remember and feel sad? Even his own parent's don't say his name or talk about him. Well, Dad has dementia but Mom doesn't. Now that is weird. Oh well Rod Rod Rod Rod :)

Barbb

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