Mom's journey is over

[kim81sky]

Hello again. Seems like I just posted a few days ago venting frustration and upset, now I am posting with a major emptiness in my heart. My mom, best friend, and closest confidante passed away this morning, quietly in her sleep. I left her last night, after spending the whole day with her for Thanksgiving, somehow knowing that I would get the call. I did not want to go, but it was late, and felt it was time to get home to my family.

I never knew what to expect when this time came-but I know I feel as if I feel her relief. The last 10 days or so have been horrible, and the last 4 days she just was not herself. The nurse prepared my brother and I, or tried to. What to do now? In my mother's fashion-she was the type to attend to business immediately-my brother and I set out to do exactly that. I swore I heard my mother's voice in my head "don't forget this...don't forget that" and so on-and of course-"Don't forget my flowers!"

So-everything is already taken care of. But now I have an energy that I haven't felt in a while....like things need to get done-but I don't know what they are.

I send my love to everyone here-those who are grieving-and those who are fighting. I had often told my mother about this sight, and asked if she was interested getting on it herself-she just was never the type to ask for help. She always said that she thought of the many on this sight, and how she wished sights like this weren't necessary.

(((Patti B.)))-I once said your love of gardening, and your will to fight reminded me of my mom-I told her about you-I wanted to let you and everyone here know that she will be fighting with you in spirit.

Kim

[michellep]

Kim,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Losing someone you love hurts beyond words I know. I lost my husband on 10-13-09 and am deeply grieving. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at such a sad time.

(((hugs)))

[RandyW]

My thoughts Prayers and condolences to you and your Family right now. Always be proud of what you have done for your mom, and she is very proud of you for that !

[Nick C]

I am so sorry about your mom. It sounds like you took good care of her and that you loved her very much.

We'll certainly be here.

[kim81sky]

Thanks for your support and well wishes...

I actually got up today, thinking I would go to work like everything was normal. Then I realized-nothing is. My brother and I took care of what I thought was most everything yesterday-and now I have lists of things in my head of what I need to do. My mom used to be like that. I used to laugh at her b/c she never sat still-even when it appeared that everything was taken care of - she was still doing. I thought-until now-that it was one trait of hers that I didn't inherit. I wonder if this is one way she will stay with me....I become even more like her (I am not complaining).

I once had a friend that said that daughters dont truly become grown women until their mothers leave them----I wish I could've stayed a child longer .

[Larry's Wife]

Kim, I'm so sorry you lost your mom. May God wrap you and your family in peace and comfort.

Lynn

[Treebywater]

I'm so sorry, Kim.

[shineladysue]

Kim, you have my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your mom. Know that we will be here for you during the difficult days ahead.

Hugs,

Sue

[ginnyde]

Kim, I am so sorry about your Mother. But you will always hear her voice, she will be reminding you that she loves you and how to handle the good and bad in your life. Keep your heart open.

[jaminkw]

Kim, I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and all your family. I've said it before, my mother died when I was only an infant so I can't say I know how you feel. But I draw empathy for people who lose their mother by trying to imagine how my children would feel if it were me. I know you must be aching for her.

Judy in Key West

[chloesmom]

Kim,

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Cindy

[Barb73]

Kim,

Please accept my condolences on your loss. I am so very sorry.

Barbara

[ts]

Kim,

Hugs and condolences. Losing your Mom is very difficult.

[barbvh]

Kim,

My thoughts & prayers are with you in the loss of your Mom.

BarbVH

[Bud Baker]

So sorry to read this, Kim. Condolences to you and your family.

[tjrasMOM]

Kim,

My mom passed the day before your mom, on the 28th. I just posted on the caregiver page, but I'm sure I'll be moved to here. I was with my mom when she passed....we were told by the hospice nurse that we might have a few days to a week. She passed within 20 hours. I too was with her for the past 2 weeks. Never left her house. I just couldn't leave. Even called in to work and said I'd be taking my leave now. I have these bursts of emotional turmoil...and then just sit here staring out the window with no tears. I know I'm numb....and this might sound strange, but some days (it's only been 5) I feel like I should be in more pain. I've been crying for MONTHS, YEARS. And I screamed when she took her last breath....gut wrenching, heart tearing sobs came out of me. Most of the time I can't talk about ANYTHING without crying. And then I'll have a day like today where I just run my errands in a blur...a daydream. No tears, no emotions. Just numb. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I feel as though nothing will ever be funny like it was with my mom. We were best friends...we giggled, laughed and got in so much trouble together....just found the humor in everything. Now I can't seem to find even a smile in anything. It's difficult to read that it gets harder before it gets easier....because when the emotions DO hit, it's unbearable pain.

I turned 40 last Monday, became a grandma to my step-son's first born on Wednesday, celebrated Thanksgiving Thursday and lost my mom on Saturday. Because Mom was home with hospice, her sisters & nieces took me out to dinner Monday for my birthday. It hit me in the restaurant when it felt like someone was missing. Here I was with all of the women in Mom's family....EXCEPT Mom. These aunts are like 2nd moms to me....but we are a pack all of us. And now our pack is smaller. And it's MY link to the pack.

It's just all so surreal. I'm still in a daze.....and I'm so scared for the grief bursts that have yet to come.

[Maryanne]

Kim my deepest condolences goes out to you and your family.

Your mom will always live in your heart of hearts and in that special place in your heart just reserved for moms.

Always remember all the wonderful memories you made together. You were a wonderful daughter which she will cherish you throughout eterniity.

Peace be with you.

So so sorry....

Maryanne

[Maryanne]

sorry it posted twice

[lilyjohn]

Kim I am really sorry for your loss. I hate when anyone finds need for this forum. Just know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers along with so many here.

[Janet B]

My heart is aching for you - I lost my mom to cancer and I understand so clearly your words and feelings. I KNOW you will get tired of hearing this - but truly, it does get better - the memories will come back with a smile instead of tears- I wish you peace and comfort - God bless

Janet

[fillise]

Kim,

I am so sorry. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you mourn the loss of your deal mom.

((Kim))

Susan

[Patti B]

(((((Kim)))))

I am so sorry I missed this post earlier - I have been off the site for about a week.

Words alone cannot express how sorry I am for you for the loss of your mom - its not fair and I hate cancer!!!!

Thank you for telling her about me and I do believe that she is looking down on all of us - and especially you. Not all daughters and mothers have the relationship you did with yours. She was so lucky to have you - and vice versa.

I wish you strength and peace.

Hugs - Patti B.