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Lost My Dad To NSCLC A Month Ago Today..


dlemmon87

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Hi, my name is Donnae, I am 22 y/o. For the past 5 years I had lived 600 miles away from my father, but seen him as often as work would allow. From age 10-18 he raised me alone. He was diagnosed with stage 4 NSCLC (adenocarcinoma) in 9/09. I was with him at Halloween when he started chemo, he handled it well and left me with so much hope. I had to leave a week before Thanksgiving to get back to my job. ON thanksgiving my dad passed out, and went to the hospital, he fractured his back, chemo wasn't helping, but he was still okay. 5 days later he was bed ridden, I flew up on Friday the 4th, he never opened his eyes.... on Sat Dec 5th, his girlfriend woke me up 15min till 4am and told me it was time. I rushed to his side kissed his cheek, held his hand, and told him "it's okay, I'm here".... after that, he never took another breath. I am having a really rough time with all of this. Wanting to pick up the phone and call him, wishing I had stayed there those last 2 weeks, hoping he knew I was there with him even though he never woke up, trying to keep my faith that he is in a better place...etc. I need people to talk to who can relate. I feel like when I keep talking about it with friends and family that it may get to be annoying for them. I am very depressed, and can't stop thinking about it. I'd also like any information on fundraisers or walks for the cure... I want to get involved, closest area to me would be VA Beach or Norfolk VA

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I am so sorry for your Loss. My condolences and my thoughts and Prayers go out to you for peace and comfort in this difficult time.

I think one or two of these ideas might help you some. When My wife passed away I used to talk to her every night under the stars. Just go outside and tell her what was on my mind nightly. CScream Yell Cry whatever felt right.

THe other thing is a transferal of emotion. Ya get some eggs, cause they are fairly cheap and go outside with them. Take aim and Let loose with em. Ya can scream your lungs out while Ya are throwing them. That helped get everything out.

The important thing, is to get things out of your system. If YA keep it bottled up you will go nuts over it. Scream, Yell, cry, laugh!! Whatever you feel like doing is the best thing to do.

I am sorry we have to meet like this but am glad we have. A lot of us have been in the same boat and know all too well how you feel. My thoughts and prayers for some peace and comfort again for you!!!

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I am so sorry for your loss. There are many here who have walked your path and can offer words of comfort and advice for working through your grief and guilt.

I have not walked that path yet, but wanted you to know that I am here for you in whatever way I can be.

Susan

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I'm so sorry for your loss.

I believe your dad knew. I was 29 when I lost my dad...Our parents want to protect us from pain and seeing them in pain...I am almost positive he knew he was loved and he loved you. What a blessing that you were able to be there on his last day. I believe he knew that too.

I can't tell you that it gets "easier", but it does get better. Life keeps us busy, we learn new coping skills and a new way of life without our loved one in it. It's not easy at all. The best advice anyone ever gave me was to surround myself with people who understand, find people to support you, grieve whenever you need to, make new traditions and when you are ready pull traditions and memories from the past to comfort you in your time of need.

Be gentle on yourself. Take it a moment at a time if you need to.

As far as being active in the fight against LC, here are some ideas and also a listing of existing events as well-

http://events.lungevity.org/site/PageSe ... t_involved

my deep condolences on your loss and I hope you keep posting. This is a great place where people do understand.

Best,

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I just want to tell you how terribly sorry I am for the loss of your Dad. I am glad you were able to be there. I know that your Dad knew how much he was loved. As Katie said, the loss never goes away but as life goes on it will become more bearable although that isn't of much comfort right now.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Diane

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Hello -

I am so sorry for your loss! My father lost his battle to Lung Cancer on December 4th. What helps me, is knowing that my dad fought as long as he could and he is my inspiration to go on and fight lung cancer. Its okay to be sad and angry, its never easy to say good bye. Your dad's journey might be over, but you can continue his fight. Just remember all the great memories you shared with you dad. You and your family are in my prayers. Stay strong!

~Mariola~

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Thanks for all the support and kind words. I thought the hardest day would of been speaking at his service and burying him. But its actually getting harder for me. I'm wanting to pick up the phone and call him. I even have crazy thoughts of wanting him to come back to life, or not be dead anymore. I also keep replaying my final moments with him, and wish I would have said something more then what I had. When I was up to see him at halloween he was doing so good that I told him "you'll see me in 10 weeks" I told him I loved him and hugged him, but I didn't hug him for long, I was sure chemo was gonna give him time. I would have hugged him a lot longer if I would of known it would of been my last. I even zoned out driving one day, but caught myself before going off the road. I swore I seen him driving down the road in town another time. I feel crazy. I wish the grieving would just happen all at once, instead of coming and going almost like "when it feels like it". I am going to the doctors tomorrow to discuss getting on antidepressants, and attending a grief support meeting (if i can find it) if not i will attend the one next week just up the road. I'm hoping it helps some. I believe Hospice is making a care bear with some of his clothes, they were gonna make it for his girlfriend but she told them to make it for me because she thinks I will need it more. I do have one thing to look forward to, my best friend who is in remission from hodgkins lymphoma is holding a "Brr for the Cure" this March (on the day she was diagnosed) for donations for the American Cancer Society (for all cancers in general). :D

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My heart aches for you over the loss of your Dad. I suspect your grief isn't coming so much "when it feels like it" but as you are able to handle it. Humans are resourceful, we let feelings in only to the extent that we can bear them. It's the same with physical pain. At the point we max out, shock or something else intervenes until we can tolerate it again. I know you will be o.k. although I know it doesn't feel like it to you right now. I know it because I've seen so many go thru it on this site and because you appear to be doing all the right things like considering antidepressants, if needed, a grieving group, being active in cancer-fighting activities. The Care Bear is a wonderful gift from you father's gf. Hang in there and post whenever it is helpful for you.

Judy in Key West

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  • 2 weeks later...

My heart is heavy tonight. I ran across a pic of my dad and I, and it hit me that he's really gone. It seems strange to still not have accepted it. I find myself spending a whole day focused on wanting to call him. Other times I honestly wonder why he hasn't called, then I remember. Why is it so easy to almost forget the truth?

2 different friends, lost 2 different brothers this week. Each man, one 25, the other 30 years of age left behind a young son. both young boys will grow up never knowing their fathers. I have been trying to help both friends understand their emotions. since loss often makes us feel crazy, and I want to reassure them that they are not. that its never easy to say goodbye. But besides feeling needed, it also leaves me feeling selfish. I had 22 years with my father, these 2 baby boys had less than 3 months with theirs. And I realize, at least I had mine. They will not. I know I can't make it better for anyone, but at least I can relate, and can listen. I truly believe my dad would be so proud of everything I have accomplished in the last month. But i still wish he was still here on earth with us. It will be a long time before I reach a point of accepting he's gone.

I am on myspace and facebook if anyone wants someone to talk to. Thank you everyone for reading and saying such kind words, I will return here often.

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I know I can't make it better for anyone, but at least I can relate, and can listen.

Donnae, I am sorry you are still experiencing the loss of your father. It does take a long time sometimes. I wanted to address what you said above. There are lots of reasons to go to therapy, but when I was a counselor it occurred to me that some clients came because they did not have anyone in their life who could listen and empathize. I used to think how sad it was to have to pay someone to be heard and understood. You are doing a great service to others in sharing your experience in a way that makes them feel heard and understood. Your father is proud.

Judy in Key West

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