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Tortured Mind and Heart


Marci

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Hi All,

Just venting here. The Spring weather lately has made me more anxiety stricken that my Mom is not here. I know that may sound strange. I just don't want another season to pass by or another Easter or Mother's Day without her. My stepfather is actively out and about with his lady friend with whom I went to highschool with all over town. It just makes me sick to my stomach. I have gone over in my tortured heart and mind what I should do about that relationship and if I should let go for the sake of my mental health and being able to move on without that plaquing me all the time on top of the grieving. My mother was abused mentally by him with words and her own father did not like him. Although he was in our life for over 20 years I don't really see the positive in keeping him active in my life. I know he always will be my brother's father but I just feel tortured by this. Any suggestions? I am just so sad lately and can't seem to get out of my own way with anything.

Marci

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Marci,

The only thing I can say is that you need to do what is best for you.

Dissolving the relation, if that is what you choose to do, will no doubt bring its own sadness, but I am guessing, less than what you are living with. Sometimes that just isn't possible. I live with a relationship I would prefer not to have in my life due to the what I would lose if I terminated it. This is by far my worst stressor currently - perhaps more so than my lc. Well, maybe not.

Can you be direct with your brother, or does he already know how you feel? Can he maintain your friendship if you cut his Dad out? Can he stay within your circle of love and comfort or will he have to choose? Thinking this through, that would be important for me to know before doing anything drastic. I might make nice (as infrequently as possible) to keep my brother.

Like Ann, I send you a big hug. If we can listen more or help, come vent some more. I think many of us understand how difficult this is.

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Hard to say but do what feels right to you! Its your health being affected here and nothing is worth mental stress over! May come off as cross or uncaring but it is true!!

The stress can build up adn take a toll on your physical and mental being and is not worth the trouble!

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Marci, #1 THAT FIRST EASTER AND MOTHER'S DAY WERE SO close to your mom's passing, it is natural to dread them this time around. This is really the first time you are going to experience them with your new sense of what normal is. But it will be as OK as it can be.

#2, re: the step father. I don't think anyone here would advise one way or the other, but some folks just make maintaining a relationship so challenging that energy is often better spent elsewhere. I have been in this situation. Being devoted to someone is a lot of work...being courteous and acknowleging of the individual's existence is considerably easier and is nothing to feel bad about.

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Thank You All for the input and kindness. Nick- You are so right I guess February going into all those months are the hardest for me. Last year I think I was numb and all the feelings were buried deep. Now, they have been pouring out of my tear ducts. I do appreciate your advice on my stepfather situation though. The energy spent there I know and I also know my mother would want me to put back into myself now. Another friend told me having class is the only thing you need to do because that is what your Mom had and that is what she taught you to have for yourself. I am going to try my hardest to focus on me now and try not to let those nasty distractions pull me away into that nasty place. Thank You everyone for letting me vent.

Marci

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