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Posted

Phone answering machine message-

If you want to buy marijuana-

press the hash key.

A guy walked into a psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.

The Shrink says "Well,I can clearly see your nuts"

I went shopping the other day to buy camouflage trousers,but couldnt find any.

My friend drowned in a bowl of musli-a strong current pulled him in.

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled muscle.

Two eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly-so they lit a fire in their craft ,it sank,proving once and for all,you cant have your kayak and heat it'

Police interviewing the teller of the bank that has just been robbed by a slug and a snail "Oh where do I begin-it all happened so fast"

Doc I cant stop singing "The Green Green Grass of Home"

Hmm That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.

Is it common?

Well-Its not unusual.

Doc to patient, go over to that window and put out your tongue.

"Are you checking to see if its coated?"

No-I just dont like the guy who lives across the street.

A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet "My dog is cross-eyed is there anything you can do for him?

The vet picks the dog up and examines his eyes ,then checks his teeth,Finally he says "I am going to have to put him down"

"What" says the man "Because he is cross-eyed?"

No,because he is really heavy.

Posted

love that last one!!!!!

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